Chapter 1 - the endless dream

Whenever I'm asleep, I'm peaceful and at ease with the unknowing darkness that clouds my subconscious and blocks out the outside world. It's the only place where I am me and only me without having to worry about being pushed around, criticized, yelled at, or punished.


As soon as I wake up, instantly, I feel unwanted, unneeded, and unseen. The best time I have is when I remain unseen, because people can't hurt you a lot when they don't even know you exist. Being unseen is truly a blessing because as soon as someone spots you, you can just feel their cold, judgmental gaze, looking you up and down for cruel imperfections.


I'm nothing in this world but minor and cruel entertainment for the shallow hearted. I escape to my dreams knowing full that what awaits me when I awaken is a world of suffering and ridicule. I call it the humiliation and agony of defeat.


I've always hidden from my cruel and bitter reality. Often, I find myself thinking "if only I could dream forever and know the bliss of soft darkness. To drift along its slow current to the event horizon of which I wouldn't return from."


True, their are good things in life, not enough to persuade me not to think of endless dream, but enough for me to stop and think, only prolonging the inevitable.

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