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Chapter 1 - yeah

I didn't write this, my friend Mashes-the Slytherin Queen on fanfiction.net did, but it's just too funny, so I decided to post it here for anyone who cares ^^'

Chapter 1 - yeah

Chapter 1 - yeah
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropiate date to the Yule Ball

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insureance pollicy on Harry Potter

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"

8) I am not allowde to start a betting pool on this years Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand

11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"

14) I will not you my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it

16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room togther and bet on which House will come out alive

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Kinghts of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast

18) I am not allowed to declare an offical "Hug A Slytherni Day"

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways

20) It is not nessisary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-ful"

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell

26) It is not nessicary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to potrol the hallways

28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge

30) I will not go to class skyclad

31) I will not use Umbridge's quiz to write, "Told you I was Hard Core"

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the poition is acceptable as Body Lotion

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"

37) I will not call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearnig an orange anorak

38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine

39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts

40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"

41) I do not wigh the same as a Duck

42) I do not have a Daleck Patronous

43) I will not lick Trevor

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey"

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions

48) I am not the King of the Potato Poeple and I do not have a flying carpet

49) "To conqur the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice

50) I will not tell teh first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God

Comments

Comments (24)

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FreezingRain on November 3, 2007, 7:08:05 AM

FreezingRain on
FreezingRainLOL, haha, it's hilarios

Yumyum on October 19, 2007, 12:59:19 PM

Yumyum on
YumyumHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S SO FUNNY!

zerotimberwolf on October 14, 2007, 4:03:11 AM

zerotimberwolf on
zerotimberwolfout of the box and funny good combo

Living_Dead_Girl on September 9, 2007, 8:02:23 AM

Living_Dead_Girl on
Living_Dead_GirlLOLZZZ they're all so funny!! And I actually understand all of them!! I should look over them again to see which ones are my favs. 2, 9, 10, 12, 15, 17, 20, 25, 26, 28, 31, 32, 37, 45, 47, and 48.
LOLZZ thanks for putting this up!

Kupo on September 9, 2007, 9:30:06 AM

Kupo on
KupoNo problem =D I thought some ppl might get a kick outta that ^^

Living_Dead_Girl on September 10, 2007, 12:04:26 PM

Living_Dead_Girl on
Living_Dead_Girlhehe... I'm totally gonna start an HP RP and have my chars do some of this stuff cos this seems like things they would deffidently do XD!

xkaitlyn25x on September 8, 2007, 2:25:30 AM

xkaitlyn25x on
xkaitlyn25xomg.... this is sooooo funny only.... i didn't get a few...^_^'he he....

Kupo on September 8, 2007, 12:20:04 PM

Kupo on
Kupowhich ones?

LoveKisameChan on September 7, 2007, 6:04:48 AM

LoveKisameChan on
LoveKisameChanlol i love snape and i love this list!!! XD so funneh!!!

Phoenex360Gorillaz on September 6, 2007, 1:19:34 PM

Phoenex360Gorillaz on
Phoenex360GorillazOMG! This is uber-funneh! I started crying and my mom came in and asked me if I was okay. I think I'll print these out and put them on my binder.

PS: Love #2, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 14, 17, 18, 19, 20, 23, 26, 32, 45, 47, 49, & 50

/\ Yes I know that was unnessisary, but I thought you should know!/\

sims2lover78 on August 27, 2007, 8:13:03 AM

sims2lover78 on
sims2lover78lol that is 2 funney!

littlemissmorbid on July 25, 2007, 7:33:14 AM

littlemissmorbid on
littlemissmorbidSnape ISN'T the voice of god? woops...