Chapter 1 - Who am I?

Every day is the same. The constant little complications life throws in. It seems endless, trudging through the muck of depression and pain. I can’t do anything right any more. Constant yelling from my mess ups. Can’t keep “friends” as long as I used to. Pushing myself past the limit to succeed. But for some people, my success just isn’t good enough for them. So much suffering, losses, and wrong doing. During these times, it takes a toll on me. I have so many mixed feelings, I don’t know who I am if I laugh at tragedy. So many visions of a greater loss. Messing up the tranquility in my home. A months worth of threats all said in one night. Feeling, “if I leave, will any one notice I’m gone?” I always feel uneasy around others. Bad vibes? I don’t know who I am any more because the things I was best at are now the things I’m now bad at. I’m living in a nightmare that never ends. One I can’t wake from. A nightmare. A lost memory of who I once was. My heart, never full of so much hate! Never the want to hurt someone. But that feeling is here now and it won’t leave me alone. Uncontrollable actions. Broken soul. To love someone, not impossible, just hard to make happen...who...or what exactly am I?

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