Chapter 3 - Chapter 3

“Heeeeello California~ this is radio station BAGO 69.1 with your host Sir Licks A-Lot. Right now we’re about to have a small contest, giving away 2 three-day weekend tickets to Smokey the Bear Resort in Big Bear cabin 304, el suite~ everything will be provided to your liking and not to mention that you’ll have your own personal tour guide. So let’s get this contest started, shall we?”

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I hope I win. I’ve allllways~ wanted to go to Big bear and Hike up their trail.”
“Who knows, maybe you’ll win. Give it a shot Kaiiki.”
“Hmm, I think I will.”
“Atta boy!”
Kaiiki picked up the phone grinning while Mimi in the background was crossing her fingers.

The other line started to ring and—

“Hello caller 13, this is Sir Licks A-Lot. Seems as if your one of out lucky contestants to win this fabulous~ vacation. So tell us lucky caller, what’s your name?”
“Kaiiki”
“So Kaiiki, how do you like my station?”
“I think it’s awesome, but I’ve always wondered, why do they call you ‘Sir Licks A-Lot’?”
“Hahaha, well kid, that’s a whole different story that should never be mentioned.”
“Okay…”
“But anyways, back to business, Kaiiki, in order to win this game, you’re going to have to guess what object I’m thinking of but under a minute, okay?”
“Hookai.”
“Good. So ask me a question and I’ll either say ‘yes or no’. Sounds fine?”
“Si.”
“Well okay then, ask away~”

On the other line you could hear a buzzer go off, signaling that the game has begun.

“Hmmm,” Kaiiki thought for a second, “Is it a big thing?”
“No.”
“Dammit. Uhhh, its small then?”
“Yes”
“Really small?”-
“No.”
“Can you at least pick it up with one hand?”
“Yes”
“Hmm, it is smelly?”
“Yes.”
“Good smell?”
“Yes—25 seconds left—“
“Nooo—uhhhh…does it smell like coconut!?”
“Yes.”
“Oohh~! Is it shampoo!?”
“Yes!”
“Oh my god, I got it! Yay~!”
“Congratulations Kaiiki, you just won yourself a ticket to Big bear.”
On the other line, Sir Licks A-Lot could hear Kaiiki giggling.
“Okay Kaiiki, I’m going to transfer you to a different line where they’ll give you the details.”
“Okie dokie~ Bye Sir Licky Lotty~!”


--------------------------

“Is it round?”
“No.”
“Has angles?”
“Yes”
“Square?”
“Yes.”
“Is it big enough that you can stuff a dead body inside?”
“…perhaps…”
“Is it a box?”
“Yes! Congratulations sir! You’ve just won the last ticket to Smokey the Bear Resort!”
“Hn.”
“I’m going to transfer you to Sir Licks A-Lot and he’ll give you the additional information, m’kay?”
“Suuure.”

--Click—Ring—Ring—Ring—

“Hello this is Sir Licks A-Lot speaking.” (Just for you to know, Sir Licks A-Lot is off the air by this point)
“Yeah. This is Clover—the last contest winner.”
“Ah Clover, how do you like my radio station?”
“Its okay, I guess.”
“Haha, do you at least like it?”
“Sure, what’s not to like?”
“Hahaha, okay Clover. In order to go on this vacation, I need all of your personal info such as name, phone number, and address. But don’t worry, I ain’t no pedophile.”
“…uh-huh”
And so did Clover give all of his info to Sir Licks A-Lot. There were times when Sir Licky-A lot-y had to ask him to repeat his information, which annoyed the poor boy.

“Okay, you’re all set. The limo should stop by at your place around 7 am, sounds good to you?”
“Sure.”
“Excellent. Hope you enjoy your trip.”

--Click—

Clover hung up the phone and tossed it on his bed. Gazed out the window and released a profound sigh.
“A vacation huh? Hm, guess it’ll do me some good.”

--------------------------

“Take the condom just in case!”
“Eh!? Why do I need to take condom for!?”
“You may never know Kaiiki, just take one!” Mimi stuffed the rubber in his backpack.
“I don’t want no condom!” he threw it out.
She sighed, “Fine. At least promise me that you won’t frack your new roommate.”
“What!? Of course not! Ew! I’m a proud virgin!”
“Uh-huh…but just in case~” Mimi placed the condom back in the bag with a grin. Kaiiki glared at it then back at Mimi, “You’re not going to let me leave without it huh?”
She laughed and hugged her best friend, “Nope~”

--------------------------

“There! Everything is packed up and ready to go~!” Clover declared proudly at his accomplishment. His backpack was neatly organized with everything a camper should take. A flashlight, matches, extra sets of clothes, toothbrush, PJs, first aid kit—etc.
“Now all I need to do now is just sleep.” Clover stripped down to his black boxers and hopped into bed. Normally he would sleep bare-bottom but what if he wakes up late and the limo is waiting? He wouldn’t walk out naked…or would he?

--------------------------

“Well goodnight Mimi~ Sleep tight—“
“Don’t let the bed bugs bite”
“Ah! There’s bed bugs!?”
“No…it was just a joke…”
“Oh…okay then.” Kaiiki sneakily took out a can of bug spray which made Mimi roll her eyes, “Oh boy.”

--------------------------

Clover and Kaiiki both slept comfortably at their own homes, dreaming on how their vacation would be like. But what they didn’t know was that what’s in store for them, would change their lives as we know it.

--------------------------

EL SUITE: CABIN 304 the sign outside read.
Kaiiki stared in awe with his eyes sparkling, “Its beauuuuutiful~”
The cabin was just the right size for him--tiny, compact, and lovely. You could even see the Mountain View that was a good one mile hike from the lake. Deck was even neatly polished as was the windows and door.
The charming cabin had a two story fireplace, cable TV, DVD, and CD stereo, as there was a movie library for their personal entertainment. There were 4 rooms in total—the living room, bedroom, bathroom, and an extra room where Kaiiki called it “Resting Room”.

The bedroom had a queen bed with a down comforter and flannel sheets.
Electronics were all placed in the living room.
The bathroom has a tub and shower-head attached. One toilet and a sink.
Not only that but the market, video store, several restaurants, and other entertainment places were only four block away.

“Yaay~!” Kaiiki skipped and entered wonderland, forgetting that there was someone else would be crashing in the same cabin.

--------------------------

“This place is awesome!” the inside was spectacular—all wooden and sturdy. He dropped his bags and explored the place.

Okay, its official, this place is paradise—period. Kaiiki felt as if he could live here forever, but alas, he cannot. Instead he was going to take this 3 day vacation to his advantage. His favorite room had to be the bedroom since the bed was so darn comfortable! He snuggled into one of the pillows, “Mnnn~ I’m thirsty now.” Kaiiki grabbed the glass of water he had on top of the drawer, took a few sips, and then dreamt away.

--------------------------

“Naaaaaaarnia~” Kaiiki howled out, raising his sword up high proudly. His fellow warriors mimicked him and all ran straight to the battlefield.
People’s heads were being chopped off while other creatures shredded their nemesis to pieces. Kaiiki just finished stabbing his foe then ran up to their leader. Strike his heart then—

[size="][b]BAM![/b][/size]

Kaiiki shot up dazedly, and saw his worst nightmare.

“Ahhhhhhhhh!” he pointed to the thing standing at the doorway.

“Surprise surprise~” Clover said with a devilish grin on his face as he dropped his bags on the floor, approached Kaiiki, shoved him off the bed and made himself comfortable.

“Heeeeeey! What’s your problem? That was my bed!” Kaiiki pouted.

“Hah. Not anymore. You snooze, you lose.” He then reached for the super-grande-fabuloso-expodicious-frappucino-latte and began to drink it heavily. “This is some good stuff here, where did you get it at?”

Kaiiki’s eyes grew big and watery and cried out, “M-Mimi made it specially for meee~!”

“Tah! I don’t care. Its all gone now.” He burped and threw the almost empty cup onto Kaiiki’s bags which ended up getting damped with the stuff. Unfortunately for the remaining dry clothes, they were to be condemned with the stench of coffee.

“Noooo~!” Kaiiki instinctively jumped over towards his belongings that were drenched with the super-awesome coffee and tried to dry off the little puddles that formed. As he patted, the condom that Mimi had placed, came out, and landed close to Clover’s grasp. It grabbed his attention to see what had fallen out of the backpack. He reached out to retrieve the object that read “Extra Small” He then burst into laughter that made him almost fall off the bed.

“Hahahaha—oh my oh my—are you for reals? Are you serious!? Hahahahaha--”
Bphht!!

Kaiiki sniffled and while sniffling, “Ewwwwww~” He looked up to see the source of the foul odor. He covered his nose with his scarf and proceeded to pick up his belongings and snatches the condom from Clover’s hand. As he backed away, Kaiiki remembered what Mimi had told him to do in any case something like this happen.
So the lad lifted up his right hand, balled it up to a fist, and squinted his eyes cruelly. “Fist and glare. Fist and glare!”
“What? It wasn’t me.” the stinky man snorted.

--------------------------

As Kaiiki continues his “fist and glare” moment, he soon learned that you should never do it backwards, especially not down a 3-step stairway.

“Nyaaaaah~!” Kaiiki trips on his own scarf—the one thing he loves so much betrayed him—and tumbled backwards. He landed butt first, “Ooow~ my @$$!”
Clover peaks out threw the room, mimicking him, “Hah, fist and glare.”

--------------------------

Kaiiki patted himself off and glower at the room above. Part of him wanted to go up to give that guy a piece of his mind, but he held himself from doing so. Instead he walked over to the sofa and turned on the TV. First channel to pop out was his favorite—Cartoon Network…with an 8 hour marathon of Sailor Moon!

“Awesome!” Kaiiki squealed, making himself cozy.
Fah! Who cares about the room Clover stole when you have a comfy couch AND Sailor Moon.

The theme song started to play and Kaiiki sang along with it.

“Fighting evil by moonlight
Winning love by daylight
Never running from a real fight
She is the one named Sailor Moon
She will never turn her back on a friend
She is always there to defend
She is the one on whom we can depend
She is the one named Sailor.....
.... Sailor Venus
.... Sailor Mercury
.... Sailor Mars
..... Sailor Jupiter
With secret powers
All so new to her
She is the one named Sailor Moon
Fighting evil by moonlight
Winning love by daylight
With her Sailor Scouts to help fight
She is the one named Sailor Moon
She is the one named Sailor Moon
She is the one . . . Sailor Moon--”
“Move Squirt! “ Clover picked up the remote and changed it to Family Guy.
“EH!?” Kaiiki gawked at him, “B-but, I was watching TV!”
“Exactly—was! Now shut up and let me watch Family Guy shrimp.”
Kaiiki stood up and scowled at him. Bad move.
“What is it? Are you trying to disturb MY TV time?! Do you WANT to become my foot-stool!?”
“Eeep.”
“Heh, I thought so. Now beat it. Scram!”
“Grrr—this isn’t over yet!”
“I know it isn’t~ we have 3 days together. Get use to this runt.” Clover smirked and went back to his TV. As soon as that occurred, Kaiiki took this chance to spring into action by pouncing on Clover. Brought that motherfracker down to the floor.
“What the—“
“This is for Sailor Moon!” Kaiiki hollered out, and dug his teeth to Clover’s shoulder, “Arnph!”
“Ow! Grrr—get off!” Clover swatted the biter off and rammed him to a wall.
“Ngh!” The impact hurt Kaiiki a bit but the real pain happen when Clover clawed his nails to Kai-Kai’s skin, “Oooow!”
“Hu-hah!”
“Grr!” Kaiiki growled at him and made his move by kicking Clover where-the-sun-doesn’t-shine.
BAM!
“Awww!” he hugged his balls, “you son of a dog—“
“Hiyah!” Kaiiki elbowed down his back, knocking him back down to the ground. Took the opportunity to control this fight by getting on top of Clover, “Hah! In your face—eek!”
“Now in YOUR face!” Clover laughed out loud when he got on top of Kaiiki.
“Oh no you don’t!” flip.
“Oh yes I do!” flip.

Both airheads kept flipping each other over and rolled on the carpet. Scratching, biting, poking, and crackling on each other’s face took about too.

About 5 minutes later, Kaiiki somehow manage to pin down Clover for the count.

“You lil shoot! Watch when I get my hands on you, I’m gonna—“
“Oh shut up.” Kaiiki sneered and spitted a big ball of saliva in Clover’s mouth.
“Ewww! You nasty—“
“Patoo-e!” Kaiiki delivered another round then another and another until Clover’s face and inside mouth were covered in spit. He laughed maniacally and wanted to continue his pattern, but sadly, his mouth became dry.
“You done?” Clover stared boredly but his eyes read something different—death. By that point Kaiiki knew what that meant and saw what he brought upon himself. Now he wishes that he could take everything back.

“Hehehe” Kaiiki chuckled nervously and slowly got off the pissed off Clover, “I’m sorry, I—I—“

Dot dot dot.

“—goodbye!” he made a run for it up the stairs but was grabbed by the ankles and dragged down.

“Nooou~ Umf!”
Owned.

“Did you honestly think that you could win?”
“Nooou~ I’m sorry.”
“Well too bad squirt. Now you become my chair~”
“Noooou~” Kaiiki struggles to get up but it was futile. He was trapped underneath Clover’s weight.
“Mnf! Get off—please~!”
“Hm, lemme think about it, uh, no.”
“Waaah! Get off! Please! Por favor! Bajate!”
“No.”
“Pleaase—“
“No! Now shut up!”
“Neeeever!” Kaiiki banged his hands against the ground like a little kid would. “Geeet off~”
“You know what,” Clover flipped Kaiiki over so he was sitting on the boy’s stomach. Sniggered evilly as he lifted his hand to a fist above Kaiiki’s face.
“AHHHHHHH! NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO~!”

--Click—

“Heeeello~ this is your personal tour guide Johnny John Johnson III coming to your seeervice—oh my god! What the hell are you too doing!?” He stood at the doorway gaping.

Kaiiki and Clover—awkward position—guy on guy.

“Uhhhh~” Clover looked at his fist then hid it, “This is not what it looks like.”

--------------------------

“Now Clover, please tell me how you feel.”
“Annoyed.”
“Oh? Why?”
“Because of THAT guy!” he pointed to the tiny blue boy who was sitting on the opposite side of the table.
The 3 guys were in Johnny’s office, all sitting in a triangle from his desk.
“But he stared it!” Kaiiki pointed back, “He stole my bed, wet my belongings, made fun of my penis size, and above all, made me miss my Sailor Moon Marathon!”
“There was a Sailor Moon marathon today!?” Johnny exclaimed, slamming his hands on the desk.
“Yes!”
“Dammit! I loooove Sailor Moon!”
“So do I!”
“Who do you like!?”
“Sailor Jupiter, she’s sooooo pwnsome!”
“I know huh!?”
“Have you seen the black hole movie!?”
“Heck yeah! Wasn’t it awesome when—“

The whole room fell into a blabber zone for those two. They discussed on that topic and about themselves too. Johnny John Johnson III adjusted his white button up shirt and his ponytail. Kaiiki pulled back the guy’s brown hair from his face, earning a thank you. Clover just had his head laid down on the desk with his ears plugged, “Idiots!”

Three Hours Later

“I’ve always wondered whether a tomato was a fruit or a vegetable.”
“I thought it was a vegetable until my teacher told me otherwise.”
“I know huh!? How about a carrot?”
“Oh that’s a vegetable definitely. How about—“

“Ugh! Can’t you two put a sock in it!? Geez!” the chatter-mouths looked at the cranky Clover. “Damn! Yo John…Jason…James…whatever-the-frack-your-name-is, why did you bring me here?”
“Oh, that’s because…uh….why did I bring you guys here?”
“You don’t know!?”
“I forgot, uh…oh yeah, it’s because your actions you two did back inside the cabin. Fighting is never the answer. Talking is. And that’s why you came here for this therapy lesson.”
“And when does this lesson begin?”
“It stated 3 hours ago my friend.” Johnny grinned.
“….don’t grin at me.”
“…understood…”
--------------------------

Turned out the therapy lesson wasn’t such a waste of time after all. Kaiiki and Clover did agree to suffer with each other—but with a little respect. That and both learned information about each other—likes, dislikes, and such.

“Thank you J.” Kaiiki beamed as he and Clover were leaving his office.
“No problem. Take care.”
“You too~”
---------------------------

“So this means were allies huh?”
“Yup~” Clover popped the p.
“I am really am sorry though, honestly.”
“It’s okay. So am I.”
Kaiiki smiled and extended his arms out. Clover stared, “What are you doing?”
“It’s called a hug and you’re supposed to enter inside the open arms.”
“Do I have too?” Clover groaned.
“Yes.”
“Ugh, fine.” Hesitantly, he embraced the short fellow.
“Mn~” Kaiiki snuggled to his chest while Clover blushed a bit and looking away.

--------------------------
“It’s the last cheesecake huh?”
“Yup.”
“Who’s going to get it?”
“I don’t know.”
Kaiiki poked it and his finger sank threw. His mouth started to water and his tummy rumbled. Cheesecake is his favorite dessert.
He wanted, needed it, claimed it—
“I’ll eat it then.”
--Lost it.
“Waaah? Nooo! Kaiiki wants thy cake!” hungry boy jumped on the table and stared at the delicious cake that was centimeters away from Clover’s lips.
Just to retrieve the cake, Kaiiki gave him the puppy eyes and whimpered cutely.

“You actually think that’ll affect me?” Clover raised his eyebrow and smiled intensively.
“Y-yes.”
“Well sorry to burst your bubble but no, it doesn’t.” Bites.
“Nooooo!”

--------------------------

“Cheeeeeeesecake~ Cheesecaaaake~” Kaiiki moaned as he gazed at the crumbs before him. Clover just licked his fingers to get the cheese off, “Mnnn~ that was good.”
“Y-you meanie!” Kaiiki wiped his eyes from the tears that were forming.
Something then struck Clover hard, an emotion he hadn’t felt in a long time—guilt. He knew Kaiiki loved cheesecake. He even mentioned it himself at the therapy lesson. But yet himself being an a-hole, he wanted the lil guy to suffer.

“Ugh. S-sorry Kaiiki…should have never done that.” Clover looked away with his cheeks pink, “I knew you liked it and yet I still ate it…”
“sniffle sniffle Its hookai . Buy me another?”
“Suuuure~ I’ll buy you lunch too.”
“Yaaay~”
--------------------------
“Aaaaah~ I just looooooove cheese—especially cheese sandwiches!” Kaiiki giggled and took a big bite of it.
Clover smiled a bit and stared at his own sandwich—ham and cheese.
When he too was going to bite into it, the fancy dressed hobo approached them with his right hand extended, “Have any spare change?”

“Well uh—“ Kaiiki was cut off by Clover saying, “No we don’t have any spare change so just beat it old man.”

“Clover!” Kaiiki elbowed him, embarrassed by his rude friend.

“How about that sandwich of yours?” bum asked.
“No… I want my sandwich so just leave us alone already—wait, what are you doing!? No! Put your hands down put—ughhh~” the bum used his powerful stink to make Clover drop his sandwich and partly blinded him with the foul odor.
Bum chuckles a grin, “Hehe, Thank you sir.” Then leaves.

“You damn fracking bum! Watch when I get my eye sight back! Your toast!”

“Ummm…Clover…we can share my sandwich. I don’t mind.” Kaiiki offered with one of the kawaii-est faces ever.
“No, its okay I—“his stomach growled loudly enough for Kaiiki to hear. That made him giggle, “Seems as if your stomach begs to differ~”—tears sandwich apart—“Here.”
Clover took the piece before him, “Thanks.”
“No prob.” Kaiiki pushed Clover’s hand close to his mouth and made him take a bite while he chews his own.

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