Chapter 1 - Burning Memories
Submitted October 21, 2004 Updated October 21, 2004 Status Incomplete | A poem about never forgetting
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Chapter 1 - Burning Memories
Chapter 1 - Burning Memories
Images that can't be erased
Burned into my mind
Memories that can't be forgotten
I care about you, and you care about me
We have moved on since those days
When the pain was constant
Those times when tears were cried so much
And hate burned in our souls like a ragging fire
We've moved on, and continued our lives together
For we will always be there for each other
Friends till the end of time
But I can't forget those days
They're imbedded in my head
They scorched my soul
I can forgive, but I can never forget
All those days when hate filled our hearts
Betrayal, Sadness, Hate, and Longing
We move on together
But we can never be as we once were
For the hate still burns
Not as a ragging fire
But as embers hidden behind my smile
I was trying to explain to my friend how I felt and I couldn't say it right, so I wrote this to explain to her.
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kos on September 24, 2005, 5:08:37 PM
kos on
kos on September 24, 2005, 5:06:50 PM
kos on
The imagery of this poem is very good, even though the subject is sad. "Embers hidden behind my smile" -- that line is beautifully written, it evokes an image that almost all of us can relate to.From a technical perspective, I thought that the poem is a bit too long. I lost track in the second half with a feeling of de ja vous (c.f. lines 1 and 2 with lines 13 and 14, line 5 with line 18, line 8 with line 16).
I thought that a few of the lines were "meh" (meh: lacking inspiration, boring; usually said with a curling of the lip and slight tilting back of the head), such as lines 4, 5, and 9. With a bit of rewording these lines could be more powerful.
I love the symmetry between line 8 and the last three lines. You have done that so well.
Overall, I think this is a great poem that captures your emotion powerfully. You wrote for one, but you spoke to many. Keep up the good work.
Line 8: "ragging" -> "raging"
Line 13: "imbedded" -> "embedded"
Line 21: "ragging" -> "raging"