Chapter 1 - I suck at this

I've come to thinking lately
What an inconvenient fear
I vie for your attentions
You can only come so near
Arms wide open, I wait for my
Cherished moment in your spotlight.

I've come to thinking, maybe
I'm not really wanted here
Smiles are all too common, but
The truth is never clear
It lies hidden deep and deadly
In an opaque pool of midnight.

Did you notice the truth behind my mask?
I thought it was getting a little thin of late.
To keep it thick and sturdy is such a trying task
And I was kinda hoping you'd be able to
Walk through that gate.

But, oblivious, you go your rounds
While I'm content to follow
Feeling a little invisible
It's a tough thing to shake
Even harder to swallow.

But what a faithful dog I am
To never leave your side
Though all my efforts go unheeded
Except by a pat on the head. "Good girl."
I don't seem to mind.

Oh, the overtimes I've worked
All the erasures and retries
Hour upon hour every day have I slaved
To present you with this big surprise
And now it's all over, I'm left longing still
To see the approval shine in your eyes.

I know you're not cruel
And I know you mean well
But I'm just a fool
That sure's easy to tell.

Maybe I expected too much, because now
I've gotten to thinking I've failed you somehow

My self-destructive tendancies
Have got me feeling low
I'll stick my tail between my legs
And hope it doesn't show
Because you're the scariest person
That I've ever seen
And your dreaded disapproval
Could be my undoing
So I'll keep tiptoeing over
The eggshells in my mind
For I can't help but imagine
Your moods swing quick like mine.

I wouldn't be able to handle your anger
I'm not strong like I pretend to be
So I'll keep on acting like everything's lovely
And hope that you notice my subtleties.

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment