Chapter 3 - How to Kill Ganondorf

 Fred threw a Pokeball into the air. A Skarmory emerged.  

“Scarface, fly me somewhere. Far away,” he said.             

By now the exhaustion and hunger had caught up with the boy so that he had no more energy left for anything. The Skarmory let him mount. Then Fred noticed his luggage.           

“Oh great,” he said.            

How am I gonna carry all this stuff? he wondered.            

“On second thought, Scarface, keep guard while I take a nap.”           

He fell asleep before he hit the ground.            

***            

Lance was in an uproar. Fred was gone. His sister was going to kill him when she found out. He paced back and forth.           

Behind him the educational staff was secretly rejoicing.            

Fred the Terror was gone. Gone! 

***            

Fred woke up to the night sky. The stars shone brightly above him. To Fred they said, “Eat my breeches!”           

He got up and walked with Scarface to Viridian City.            

Viridian City at night is not a place you would like to be alone in. Actually, at night at any place, it would be preferable if you had someone with you.            

Fred saw a girl with that particular philosophy. With her were at least ten bodyguards with eyeballs darting around, looking for any suspicious characters.            

The blond haired and blue eyed girl pranced up to him.            

“Who are you?” she asked. Without waiting for him to answer, she continued, “I’m, like, Liza Silph. My dad’s totally the owner of Silph Co.”           

“Uh, that’s nice,” Fred said. “My name is—”           

Liza interrupted.            

“Well, anyways, what is, like, with that outfit? Medieval, much? It’s been out of style since, like, Frederick the Dragon Bane!”           

Fred was starting to get annoyed. Just in case Liza decided to talk again, he spoke quickly.           

“My name is Fred, I guess after Frederick the Dragon Pain. And, anyways, I have a T-shirt and jeans in my suitcase, but this is...uh...the costume I’m going to wear to a...uh...party.”           

Liza sniffed.            

“Well, whatever!” she said. “I’m going to spend all of my fabulous riches on stuff I don’t even like!”           

And then Liza and co. walked off.  

***            

Fred stumbled into the Pokemon Center, ready to die. Unfortunately, he came upon a crime scene with yellow tape all over it. The police shoved him out and continued with their investigations. Something about a “huge black shadow”.           

So Fred stole. Yep, he stole food. No, he did not have a very good conscience.            

“Mmm...Stolen food is the best food ever!” he said as he tore into his bread.           

Scarface rolled its eyes.            

“Hey! You there!” someone yelled. “You’re the brat who stole my food!”           

“Uh-oh,” Fred gulped.            

Then he ran off screaming like a sissy, remembering just in time to drag his suitcase behind him.            

***            

He ran all the way until he came to a small, tiny town. From his geography lessons, he thought that it might be Pallet Town.            

He sighed and thought, Time for a little begging!           

Fred knocked on the nearest door. It was opened by a girl his age with spiky brown hair and sharp brown eyes. She sniggered a little when she saw him.            

“I think you’re in the wrong place,” she smirked. “Camelot is that way, Lancelot.”            

Fred stared at her. Then stared some more. Something black started creeping into the corner of his vision. It grew until he could see no more. Then when he realized that he was fainting, he collapsed onto the ground.            

The last thing he heard was, “I never knew Lancelot faints.” 

***            

Man, I must have been hungrier than I thought. Hang on, where am I?           

“Wake up, you fat lug!”           

Fat lug? I’ll have you know that I’m in perfect shape!           

There was a sigh, then—           

“You know, for a trainee of the Dragon Master thing, you sure are a wimp.”           

I prefer the term “hypothetically brave in the face of hypothetical danger”...           

Prod. Fred shifted a bit, but continued snoring.            

The girl couldn’t stand it anymore.            

Whack! She punched him square in the face.            

“OWW!!!” Fred yelled, instantly awake.           

“There’s more where that came from,” the girl said darkly. “Who the heck are you?”           

Fred looked around. He was lying on a sofa in the living room of, probably, the rather rude girl’s house.            

“Uh...Fred.”           

“My name’s Rhia. So...why’d ya faint like that?”           

Fred puffed himself up indignantly.            

“I did not faint. I merely lost consciousness.”           

Rhia gave him a weird look.            

“You see, I was rescuing this poor baby from a fire, when these thugs attacked me! I protected the kid as best as I can. Then I gave her to her mother and told them to run away. And then I beat up the thugs!”           

Rhia stared at him again. Then she burst out laughing.            

“Hahaha! That has GOT to be the FUNNIEST thing I’ve heard in my life!”           

Fred sniffed and turned his back on her.            

“Here.”           

A bowl of soup slid across the coffee table. The boy ate it greedily.            

“Daisy over here made it, since I’d probably set the house on fire.”           

Daisy? Fred thought.            

He hadn’t noticed them before, but there were three other people in the kitchen. There was a girl of about fourteen in a green dress, a spiky haired boy in a black t shirt and purple pants, and another spiky haired boy who looked like Rhia.            

“That’s Daisy,” she said, pointing to the other girl, “Gary”—she pointed to the guy in the black shirt—“and Benny.”           

“Oh,” was all Fred could say.            

Daisy came in, followed by Benny.            

“Oh, isn’t he just the cutest little thing!” she said, pinching his cheeks.            

Fred wiggled out of her grasp.           

“Yo,” said Benny.           

Gary came in, stopping to glare at the new guy.            

“Okay, Fred, tell us where you really came from. I’m gonna guess Lance’s training school, ‘cause of your outfit.”           

Fred gulped.            

“No....I mean, yes, but....I mean....” he stammered.            

“Unfinished sentences,” Benny smirked. “A sure sign of guilt.”
           

Rhia pulled out her phone and started dialing.            

“No!” Fred shouted, wrenching it away from her grasp.            

Rhia started to answer (or punch) when the night sky darkened even more. Everyone went over to the window and peeked out side.            

A black shadow crept over the moon. Fred gulped and hid behind Gary.            

The shadow kept growing until it covered window. Slowly, a great yellow eye emerged from the darkness and fixed its eye on the group.            

Fred froze, unable to do anything but stare dumbly into the great yellow space. The eye closed, and it flew off.            

Rhia rushed outside.  

***            

“Benny, be quiet.”           

“Gary’s stepping on my foot!”           

“Gary, stop crushing his foot.”           

“I will if he stops bumping into me!”           

“Benny, shove him off.”           

“Hey! That’s my toe!”           

“Stop knocking into me! You’re so clumsy!”           

“OWW!!!”           

Fred had tumbled onto Gary, who fell on Benny, who landed on Daisy, who unfortunately landed on the unforgiving ground.            

After a few minutes of glaring and cursing, they all got back up again and kept following Rhia.            

As soon as the shadow had gone completely out of their view, the others had followed Rhia outside.            

Fred made out a shape in the distance. It was Rhia, crouching over something. She held out a scale to the moonlight.            

“Odd...” she said.            

“Watson!” she shouted.            

“Yes, Holmes?” Benny answered back, well used to the cousin.           

“We’ll have to run some tests back in the forensic lab!”           

“You don’t have a lab,” Gary sneered. “All you have is your stupid bedroom.”           

“Quiet, Nancy Drew! Dark forces are at work here,” she said dramatically.            

“I’m not Nancy!”           

“Dark forces indeed,” she said, ignoring him. “I sense that evil is growing somewhere. Evil that can only be destroyed in the fires of Mount Doom in the land of Mordor, where the shadows lay.”           

Benny sighed and said, “You might want to take a break from J.R.R. Tolkien, cousin.”           

Rhia glared at Fred.            

“You!” she accused. “You’re the one that brought the weird thing! You go get rid of it! That’s called karma!”           

Fred managed to make some inarticulate sounds from his mouth.            

Within a few hours, his supplies, food, water, and everything else that they could think of was shoved into his hands. Then he was pushed out onto the road.            

“Wait!” he yelled. “Where am I going?”           

Rhia was the one to answer back.           

“Do we care? Just do like the heroes do, and adventure around. Then find a helpless NPC and help him/her! Then receive a map with an “X” on it! Then, at the end, shoot Ganondorf with light arrows to stun him! And then thrust the Master Sword through his heart!”

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