Chapter 1 - Schizophrenic Apathy

Slice, slice goes the razorblade. Across my wrist it leaves a trail of blood. I fantasize its pixiedust. In this little world of mine I'm really alright; I'm doing fine. I want to think this pain is euphoria. Close your eyes and my fantasy is closer. It's all pretty things and rainbows. Pity I'd cut myself to shame. Misery's my company temporarily; leaving me. The sky is pastel and hell trembles below. The earth below me feels like it breathes my air. I wish you could only see. All the things that lie inside of me. Inside my dizzy head; I need a rest. And tell me its okay. All the pieces will soon find their way. And everything was so near perfection. So near perfection. Just show me the right direction, point me the way, and I'll be okay. But on this road, I only feel, I'm the only one who ever knows. That missing piece is you. I just want to visualize the pretty face you'd always hide. But it's so far out of reach; I can't seem to see. So I'm to blame for what I'm left to say. Left to find you, home is the other way. Why didn't you tell me all along? The song inside my heart is you. Even heaven's hell without you. I'm guessing there's a pill for this. Hate my being such a masochist. Your name is everywhere, just look inside. Your name is written deep inside. I've got no dignity, as for my shame; I can never hide the truth. You want the truth. And all I've ever wanted, I'm searching to stop my lonely ending. Wishing on wells and shooting stars. Busy planes and trains and cars. Here we are again, my love. The city here, it never ends. Just breathe in and don't pretend. I know you're here. And even heaven's hell without you. Even perfection is ever flawed. The road we've paved has slowly become so broad. Day by day I can't remember. But just know I can't surrender. And even heaven's hell without you. Even heaven's hell without you. It's okay... Even heaven's hell without you...

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