Chapter 1 - The List
Submitted August 12, 2004 Updated August 12, 2004 Status Incomplete | it started out to be a love poem but it ended as a suicide poem and I decided not to cover up how I really felt and just write how I really feel
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Chapter 1 - The List
Chapter 1 - The List
How I feel cant be described
its as if something inside of me died
and theres no way out
no one can hear the piercing shout
everyone thinks Im okay
no one sees I dread every next day
they all think Im happy as can be
no one can see the real me
the one that lives inside
that thing that thinks it needs to hide
hide from everything that makes me bleed
bleed because I could never succeed
I am never able to be in control
Never able to achieve one goal
they thought that I had it all
even when I started to fall
they never tried to understand
they never saw the blade in my hand
that blade that slashed at my wrists
for every bad deed on my list
that list that I keep in my head
that I lay awake thinking about in bed
where I am safe and all alone
and none of me has to be shown
none of my fake masks have to be on
soon they wont even notice Im gone
Its not like theyll care
them with their dark cold stares
they wont know their the ones who drove me crazy
they all thought I was lazy
but they didnt know for sure
that this is my disease that I cant cure
that I cant fight
again everything will become white
until someone brings me back
and takes from my hand the small tack
that causes the white to become red
and make the whole world seem dead
that list that I kept in my head
that Id lay awake thinking about in bed
where I was safe and all alone
and none of me had to be shown
none of my fake masks had to be on
you all know that now Im gone
I guess I really did hurt everyone
they engraved "our bright shining sun"
I even saw most of them cry
asking the same question, why
why did you leave
why couldnt you just believe
it couldve been better then this
look at everything you have to miss
some say I was selfish
some even said "I couldve known that kid I wish"
Alone was all I wanted and I got
all that time that I fought
that thing inside me
no one could see
no more pain
Im not insane
Im not stupid
Im not perfect
No one would accept
that its all their fault
so lock the vault
never return
those tears might burn
but they wont anymore
close my bedroom door
life doesnt go on and on
you see now because Im gone
that list I had kept in my head
went over it every night in bed
where I used to be safe and alone
None of my fake masks had to be on
do you see me now that im gone?
its as if something inside of me died
and theres no way out
no one can hear the piercing shout
everyone thinks Im okay
no one sees I dread every next day
they all think Im happy as can be
no one can see the real me
the one that lives inside
that thing that thinks it needs to hide
hide from everything that makes me bleed
bleed because I could never succeed
I am never able to be in control
Never able to achieve one goal
they thought that I had it all
even when I started to fall
they never tried to understand
they never saw the blade in my hand
that blade that slashed at my wrists
for every bad deed on my list
that list that I keep in my head
that I lay awake thinking about in bed
where I am safe and all alone
and none of me has to be shown
none of my fake masks have to be on
soon they wont even notice Im gone
Its not like theyll care
them with their dark cold stares
they wont know their the ones who drove me crazy
they all thought I was lazy
but they didnt know for sure
that this is my disease that I cant cure
that I cant fight
again everything will become white
until someone brings me back
and takes from my hand the small tack
that causes the white to become red
and make the whole world seem dead
that list that I kept in my head
that Id lay awake thinking about in bed
where I was safe and all alone
and none of me had to be shown
none of my fake masks had to be on
you all know that now Im gone
I guess I really did hurt everyone
they engraved "our bright shining sun"
I even saw most of them cry
asking the same question, why
why did you leave
why couldnt you just believe
it couldve been better then this
look at everything you have to miss
some say I was selfish
some even said "I couldve known that kid I wish"
Alone was all I wanted and I got
all that time that I fought
that thing inside me
no one could see
no more pain
Im not insane
Im not stupid
Im not perfect
No one would accept
that its all their fault
so lock the vault
never return
those tears might burn
but they wont anymore
close my bedroom door
life doesnt go on and on
you see now because Im gone
that list I had kept in my head
went over it every night in bed
where I used to be safe and alone
None of my fake masks had to be on
do you see me now that im gone?
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