Chapter 3 - Seeing
Submitted February 28, 2006 Updated February 28, 2006 Status Incomplete | Little bits and pieces that I could continue on. Critique, please, and recommend which one would best work for a story line.
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Chapter 3 - Seeing
Chapter 3 - Seeing
She stared into the washbasin for a moment, then moved away, frightened. She glanced around, feeling trapped in the small hovel her parents had condemned her to, and shuddered. She had agreed to the circumstances, after all; the family was far too poor to feed six mouths...hers included, and so she took a stand to leave. They understood, and she understood. She loved her younger siblings with all her heart, and if one of them died...she would be devasted....Not to mention her parents would be ruined as well.
It had been a brutal winter; since the nobels had taken almost all of the crops that the villagers had found vital to their survival, people were dying. And the water source, a spring not too far from the grounds, had been contaminated. People were getting sick; and Katharina had a feeling it was only going to get worse.
Silence filled the hovel, then, quietly:
"Look into the basin."
Katharina shuddered at the voice, feeling the hairs on the back of her neck rise in apprehension. She stiffened, then spoke, quietly, eyeing the basin warily.
"No." she said softly.
"Excuse me?" the voice said behind her, suddenly sharp.
"I'm not going to do it," Katharina spoke, louder this time, "I said no."
There was a rustle from behind her. Kath spun around to find the warlock lunging at her.
"You will," he snarled, "do as I say. You will," he said, brown eyes staring madly into hers, "look into that basin. And if you don't," he grabbed the front of her dress and pulled her closer, so that they were inches apart, "You will be sorry."
For a moment, they did nothing, both staring each other down. But then Katharina slumped her shoulders and blinked.
"Fine." she snapped. "I'll do it."
Just as fast as he had risen, he released her dress and quickly went back to the bed--sapling springs jammed into the sides of the hut with hay as the mattress--and sat down gracefully. He took a deep breath, and his face came serene.
"Now," he said quietly, "look into the basin."
Katharina slowly turned around and stared downwards into the smooth abyss; the reflection that bounced back to her showed fear and apprehension. She took a shuddering breath and kept her gaze on the water.
"Now," he said from behind her, "Tell me what you see."
Katharina didn't breath for a moment. Then she gasped abruptly, eyes flickering to and fro. For a few moments, there was only the sound of her shock and terror, and then, reluctantly, she began to speak...
"I see—“
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Orlando_Hamar on June 29, 2006, 3:26:47 AM
rosecrow13 on March 17, 2006, 3:48:14 AM
rosecrow13 on
Nice, the imagery was very well writen, although i was a bit confused with the first part about her parents and where she was at, but other than that i say Bravo!
Anyway.
Only problems here are the first paragraph...it has too many short sentances and mentions of "She". I'd suggest rewriting it at a slightly slower pace.
Oh...reading over the second again, I notice you stating the obvious again: I'd suggest leaving it at:
...crops; people were dying.