Chapter 4 - Recruiting
Submitted February 28, 2006 Updated February 28, 2006 Status Incomplete | Little bits and pieces that I could continue on. Critique, please, and recommend which one would best work for a story line.
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Chapter 4 - Recruiting
Chapter 4 - Recruiting
Out of all the things I had learned in high school, rolling with strange and unexpected people/things/words became one of the major parts of my educational training.
Nevertheless, I still didn't expect this when I came to get my my job, fresh outta high school with my diploma and giddy outlook on life and whatnot.
"What's ya name?"
Hands crossed in my lap, still gawking at the sheer weirdness of the guy, I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I smiled politely. "Excuse me?"
"Whatcha name? I can't hire you if you ain't got no name," the guy growled, revealing horribly miscolored fangs for teeth and a grimy piece of tabacco in his mouth.
"Oh," I got out my resume-like sheet and handed it to him. He snatched it from me with grubby, sausage-like fingers complete dirty brown nails. "My name is--"
"Alicia Long." he completed, scanning the text in amusement. For a moment a horrible thought struck me; dear god, was this guy going to be my boss? but then he said:
"I ain't gonna be your boss. Joe is, but right now I'm just scanning over some information to make sure your certified." he raised a grimy eyebrow at my suspicously, and it took all the stomach power I had not to burst out laughing.
Certified? Certified? For crying out loud, I was in high school. What the hell am I supposed to be certified for?
"You're good." he said suddenly, almost scaring me out of my chair.
"Great," I replied, giving another fake smile. "What should I do--"
"Go to Jessica, over in the garage. She'll show you what to do next," the fat old guy replied, rudely interupting me.
I shrugged and stiffly rose from my chair, keeping my back away from him because for some reason, I did not at all trust the guy. Call it female intuition if you will, but he seemed like bad news.
I staggered over--I wore high heels because I thought this would be a real, no s**t about it job offer--to the garage and knocked on the door. For a few moments, silence, but then a low voice called out: "Come in."
Nervously I jiggled the door handle and eased the door open to reveal a empty garage. A girl--tall, dressed in annoying Gothic splendor--had her back turned to me, busily at work with something. Politely I stood by, but the time extended from one minute, to two, to three, and then finally I spoke up.
"Excuse me," I called out.
She grunted before spinning around, revealing piercing green eyes and a pierced eyebrow and nose. "Yeah?"
"I was told to come here by--"
"Frank. Yeah. He tells everyone to come here." she finished, laughing darkly. It made the hair on the back of my neck creep up in apprehension.
"So--What do you do?" I asked.
She turned around fully and began to slowly walk towards me. "Oh..." she said. "It's simple. I'm a recruiter."
"A recruiter?"
"Yeah," she said, baring her teeth. They seemed to be growing longer. "Frank brings 'em in, I recruit them."
"What do you mean, recruit?"
"It's simple," she said, coming closer and closer. "Here, let me show you."
The last thing I remembered was her lunging at me, mouth open and canines extended and my neck suddenly become a searing thing of pain.
Then nothing.
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Orlando_Hamar on June 29, 2006, 3:32:22 AM
rosecrow13 on March 17, 2006, 4:21:30 AM
rosecrow13 on
Finnaly a vampire story, well sort of but i like it so continue!for me!
I like it. No noticable problems, but then, I'm tired and stressed...so, naturally...
Anyway, your main problem here is lack of building up the moment at the end. I suppose this is difficult in first person - I really don't know - but there isn't much fear toward the end. There's curiosity, but the main character...Alicia, she doesn't mention any emotion upon meeting this Jessica (a gothic vampire? Oh well. At least you didn't give her a stupid name like Paige).
That's all the nitpicking I can think to do. So far, this is most eligable for a continuation. I'd like to see more into this Vampire stuff...unless it's very Anti-Vampire-Cliche stuff...
Anyway, bring it on!
And now to Chapter 5!