Chapter 1 - Somebody Help The Helpline!

A/N: This idea just struck me one night, so give it a chance if youwish; I’m not expecting muchA/N:  Thisidea just struck me one night, so give it a chance if you wish; I’m notexpecting much.  Warning:  Hiei might be a little OOC, depending onyour personal opinion of him.
 
Disclaimer:  Ido not own Yu Yu Hakusho, or any of the names, characters, places, etc.therein.  I don’t own “teen help line”either.  I probably own most of thecallers… that would explain why they are calling in the first place.  Other than that, I OWN NOTHING!
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
SOMEBODY HELPTHE HELPLINE!
 
     Hiei quicklyexited the door to Yuusuke’s apartment. He still couldn’t believe he’d let Kurama convince him to go over witheveryone for the evening.  Five minuteswith the idiot, Kuwabara was bad enough, but how the fox had expected him tostay for two hours was quite beyond the fire demon’s comprehension.  “Hn,” Hiei mused out loud but to himself.“At least the kitsune had enough sense not to follow me this time.”  With a last glance behind him to make surethis was correct, Hiei headed off down the street, bored enough to walk throughtown.
     He had not beenwalking long when he heard a set of footsteps coming up behind him.  Guess I spoke too soon… he thought,expecting to be caught by Kurama after all. However, he turned and was greeted by the sight of a teenage ningen boy,looking politely at him.  Hiei blinkedat the boy, who had not spoken yet due to catching his breath, and just waitedthere, amused, for the teen to speak. 
     After anothermoment, the boy finally did catch his breath and powers of speech.  “Hey, I’m Joe, I volunteer for the Teen HelpLine we run at the school here,” he began, pointing behind him towards the highschool, “and we’re short a couple of phone runners tonight, so I’m gathering anyonefrom the community who’d like to help out and take some calls for a fewhours.”  After finishing his seeminglywell-practiced spiel, Joe took a deep breath and looked pleadingly at Hiei.
     The fire demonblinked again, not exactly sure of what the ningen just said.  Phone… oh, that talking machine the foxis always on… that doesn’t seem hard, he thought.  Hiei smirked to himself, figuring he was bored and could take thetime to mess with a few ningens at least. “Hn… fine,” he responded, nodding apathetically.
     “Great!” theteen exclaimed, grabbing a startled Hiei’s arm, and dragging him off towardsthe building behind him.  Hiei wasthankfully too surprised and amused to retaliate against the assault.  He was lead through the double doors, and downa hallway, around a corner, and to a smallish room inside the building, inwhich were set up several tables and chairs. Also, of course, on the tables were set five phones, with notepads andsnacks.  As Joe led them both inside,three teens that were already inside and seated in chair talking to each otherstood up quickly. 
     “Great!” oneexclaimed while gathering her belongings and heading for the exit.
     “Good work,Joe!” said another, following the girl towards the doorway and giving Joe andHiei a big grin and a thumbs-up sign.
     The third teenran for the door, promptly glomping Joe and shaking Hiei’s hand, crying,“Thanks man, I’ve been here for HOURS, and these kids are driving meNUTS!”  He thus immediately dashed outinto the hallway, yelling something like, “I’m FREE!!”
     Hn, ningens,Hiei thought to himself with a certain disdain.  Before he knew it, the room was empty besides Hiei and Joe, andJoe was looking around making sure everything was set.
     “Ok, well, Ihave to be on my way,” Joe began, picking up the last bag left on thetable.  “So… I’m going to go now, sohave fun, answer the phone, if you have trouble call that number!” Joe said allin about two seconds’ time as he ran out the door so fast he nearly trippedover his own two feet.  The number hepointed to was half worn off the corkboard hanging on the wall.
     Hiei took a seatin one of the chairs, putting his feet up on the tabletop, resting his handsbehind his head.  “Hn.”  He closed his eyes a bit, thinking tohimself that, with no baka ningens around, sitting in the room wasn’t all thatbad.  In fact, it was a bit relaxing.
     Then, the phonerang.
     Silently cursingKurama for dragging him out of his tree, Hiei picked up the phone’sreceiver.  What was it he said? Oh, “Moshi-moshi,”Hiei said into the microphone.  Hewaited a few seconds, hearing no response, and wondered if he’d done itwrong.  He repeated the phrase, againwaiting, until he heard someone breathing. He whirled around in his chair to see to whom the breath belonged;searching the entire room before realizing the sound had come from the phonereceiver’s speaker in his hand.  Butbefore he could inquire as to the caller’s respiratory issues, Hiei suddenlybecame aware that his chair seat moved without him doing much to thewheels.  To test his growing curiosity,Hiei turned his upper body in the chair, now ignoring the apparent prankcallers, and was surprised to find that the top half of the chair did indeedmove on its own.  Since Hiei has neversat in a swivel chair before, he found this most interesting.  So interesting that, without bothering tohang up the receiver or even put it down, he pushed on the table’s edge, andspun around, and around… A smirk grew on his face as he was coming as close tofun as he truly ever gets while not killing something.  That is until he realized the fatal flaw tohis perfect little game. 
     He was stillholding the phone.
     Now tied up withthe stretched-to-its-limits phone cord, Hiei carefully swung around the otherway on the chair to free himself.  Thisdone, he listened to the speaker for a few more seconds before giving up andhanging the receiver back up.  “I KNOWit’s supposed to talk BACK,” he said out loud to the empty room.  No sooner had he hung up the phone, however,than it rang again.  “Hn,” was all hehad to say this time, as he picked up the receiver and put it to his ear.
     “…Hn?” respondedthe voice on the other end.  “Is thatall? Is this the help line?”  The personsounded not only upset, but also frustrated. And female. 
     Intrigued bythis fact, Hiei decided to play along. “Hai.”  He didn’t even bother tohide the amusement in his voice as he spoke. Maybe this night WILL prove interesting, he thought, putting hisfeet back on the tabletop.
     “Ok, good…” thegirl started, then, began... to… cry… “My name’s Jena… and my boyfriend’s a BAKA!” with that last line, shestarted crying in earnest, exaggerated sighs and wails and everything.
     Hiei fell out ofhis comfy swivel chair in classic anime style. Even while he was on the floor, he could hear the loud sobs and whiningof the girl caller, even though the phone was dropped over the side of thetable and dangling.  Getting himselftogether and sitting back on the chair, he held the phone a few inches from hisear so as not to go deaf.  After tryingto calmly quiet the girl several times, Hiei finally just shouted, “SHUT UP!!”into the phone.
     There was asudden silence on the line.  Then asniff.  After a moment or two more, inwhich Hiei seethed with annoyance, Jena finally spoke up again.  “Wh-What did you say?” she asked in a verysmall voice.
     Hiei growled tohimself then said evenly, “I said to shut up, onna, I couldn’t stand yourwhining.  Quit crying and go kill theboy if he bothers you so much.” 
     There was againa silence.  “Are you serious?” Jenaasked.
     “Hn, I neverjoke, onna,” was all Hiei deigned respond before hanging up the phone, not evenwaiting for Jena to say anything more. He shook his head, rubbing his temples a bit as the call had given him abit of a headache, even short as it had been. 
     While waitingfor the next call to come through, he decided to do some training and exerciseswith his katana since no one was around anyway.  Not long after starting, however, the phone rang once again,causing the fire demon to growl slightly in annoyance then smirk deviously ashe now had another chance to bother an unsuspecting ningen.  He picked up the phone.
     “Hey, is anyonethere?” said a slow spoken voice on the other end of the line.
     “Hn,” Hieireplied, again taking a wait-and-see strategy.
     The person onthe line sighed deeply.  “I’m so damnbored, man!” he said with a whine.  “Ijust need something to talk about, dude… got any ideas?”
     Hiei thoughtabout this seriously for a minute. Then, with a trademark smirk, and his feet rested back on the tabletoponce again, he began a long conversation about the proper methods fortormenting and torturing young children… after they have been stealthilykidnapped from their protective custodies, of course.  When that finally played itself out, the boy having asked manyquestions for clarification, they began discussing fighting methods involvingswords.  Hiei was actually impressed bythe kid’s knowledge in the area, and enjoyed the talk up until his newfoundphone-buddy had to go to bed and stop chatting.
     “Hey, nightdude, been fun.  Nobody else aroundtalks like this; definitely calling THIS line again tomorrow night,” said theteen as he hung up the phone. 
     Hiei snickeredas he hung up his phone as well.  “Hn…that was certainly amusing,” he said, again to the empty room.  Briefly, he considered coming back onanother night before quickly dismissing the thought.  He had better things to do than sit around helping ningens withtheir problems.  Even thought that’sexactly what he HAD been doing for the past hour and a half.
     While waitingfor another call to come through, the curious fire demon decided to experimentsome more with this chair that rolls. He spun around a few times then pushed off the table’s edge once more,which propelled him and the chair across the floor of the room.  Not expecting the kind of easy movementthose chairs have, Hiei soon found himself dumped onto the floor instead ofrolling smoothly across it… which his new toy still was.  He growled slightly, creatively cursing thechair’s inability to keep a hold of him while moving.  Getting up again, he walked over to the chair and grabbed a holdof it, stopping it and yanking it over to him. “Hn…”  He sat down on the seatonce again, swiveling it so that he faced the wall, then pushed off hard withhis feet, rolling and spinning across the floor until he hit the otherwall.  He continued this for the nexthalf hour or so, amazingly entertained. 
     So amused wasthe little fire demon, he almost didn’t hear the phone ring again, showing thatanother teen was on the line.  He sighedslightly, not entirely ready to give up his new game.  But he rolled on over to the table anyway, and picked up thereceiver once more.  “What,” was all thegreeting THIS caller received. 
     “…He-hello?”came a sniffley, tentative reply.  “I-isanyone there?”
     Hieigrowled.  Another crying ningen; when wouldit end?!  “Yes, fool, I’m here.  What do you want?” he sneered into themicrophone.  He was still a bit annoyedto have been taken from the fun of playing with the chair. 
     There came aheavy sigh from the caller.  “My name’sKaia, and… I just don’t see the point in living anymore!”  Kaia sniffed again, then blew her noseloudly.
     Hiei held thephone away from his ear as the girl produced a sound that would rival afoghorn.  “Hn… you what?”
     “I said I wantto kill myself,” Kaia answered, seemingly annoyed and hurt that he had to askher again.  “Have you got anything tosay to me?”
     He thought for amoment, in which Kaia sniffed again several times, eagerly awaiting some pearlsof wisdom from the counselor she supposedly called.  “Nope,” he said, and hung up the phone.  Though he couldn’t see her directly, he imagines the distraughtgirl just sitting by her phone, staring at it in shock.  He snickered aloud.  He picked the receiver up again, as it rangagain right away.  He looked at theclock; it was probably the last call he’d have to take.  “Hn?”
     “Hn,” said avoice on the other end.
     “Hn?” Hiei saidagain, perfectly understanding what the boy had said.
     “Yeah, I meanit.  I’m so damn mad I just want to KILLsomeone, chikuso!” the angry boy replied. “So,” he continued with a sigh, “I suppose now you’ll tell me that Ineed to take care of my anger, that killing is wrong, or some bull like that,right?” 
     “Of course not,baka,” Hiei snapped.  He then launchedinto a near seminar over the phone of thousands of methods to kill people; whothe easiest targets are; what kinds of tools would be needed, and exactly howto not get caught.  By the end of theconversation, the boy, who never gave his name, had quite an arsenal of knowledge,and seemed quite prepared to do just as Hiei had instructed. 
     “That’s great…with that plan, I can’t lose.”  And withthat, the last caller hung up the phone, and presumably headed off to plan hisperfect murder.  All because of Hiei.
     Hanging up his phone for the last time, Hieirolled around in his special chair a few more times before leaving the buildingout the window, and heading back to his comfortable tree in the forest.
     “Where did yougo off to tonight?” asked a soft voice from beside the base of the tree.  A moment later Kurama stepped into view.
     Hiei leaned hisback against the trunk of the tree. “Hn, nowhere,” he replied.  Heclosed his eyes, smirking to himself as the fox shook his head and walkedaway.  Perhaps I’ll do that againsometime… he thought as he allowed himself to fall asleep peacefully.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
A/N:   Sothere you have it…. Sheesh, what havoc that little bishie can wreak, ne?  Hope you enjoyed it.  Please review!  This, as I said, was written as a one-shot, but I have a secondpart in mind if enough people ask for it. So………. Go review!
 
-Draith

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment