Chapter 1 - rain
Submitted July 27, 2005 Updated July 27, 2005 Status Incomplete |
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Chapter 1 - rain
Chapter 1 - rain
RainRain
Raining in an open space,
an empty room with just one face
No one notices, no one cares
They all think how insane it isto feel such pain,
just sitting there in the rain
Tears are streaming down herface,
there is no need to set a pace.
In the darkness there she lies,
and in the darkness she cries andcries.
Alissah
Raining in an open space,
an empty room with just one face
No one notices, no one cares
They all think how insane it isto feel such pain,
just sitting there in the rain
Tears are streaming down herface,
there is no need to set a pace.
In the darkness there she lies,
and in the darkness she cries andcries.
Alissah
Comments
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AnimeMangaLover on July 29, 2005, 8:43:27 AM
It's good. Beautifully written.Black_Breeze on July 28, 2005, 9:26:25 AM
Black_Breeze on
Well, given the proper formatting, that is... ;)Black_Breeze on July 28, 2005, 9:25:56 AM
Black_Breeze on
Good, good... Simple and sweet, as how I like poems... But I think that you should have added "it is" to your third stanza, so it would be--"They all think how insane it is to feel such pain, just sitting there in the rain."
And also, you have to put your name at the bottom of the poem (it's just proper formatting).
Very nice, very nice... Just need to clean up a few things, but other than that, very well thought out. This would have also served well as a haiku...
xomarikzsweetzox on July 27, 2005, 4:08:15 AM
very very good poem or story.keep it up.