Chapter 1 - Ayame's Interviews

Ayame: Yes, I'm the famous one and only, Yuki Sohma's older brother; Ayame Sohma! Today I kidnapped Hari's videotape thingy so I'm gonna interview the Sohma's! My first victim will be the Prince of his school; Yuki Sohma!
*runs up to yuki, who's reading some stupid book. Yuki looks up at Aya*
Ayame: Hello my lovely brother. May I interview you?
Yuki: No, I'm reading.
Ayame: Good enough. Sooooo Yuki, what do you think about the Prince Yuki Fan Club at your school?
Yuki: I have a fan club?
Ayame: Yes. What girl woudn't want to worship the ground you walk on?
Yuki: Tohru doesn't worship the ground I walk on... does she?
Ayame: Yes she does. I read her diary. Ya know the things you could learn about Tohru just by reading her diary?
*Yuki shoves Ayame away*
Ayame: Next victim. Look Haru's alone... let's get him.
*Aya runs over to Haru. Haru is sitting with Kyo. Kyo walks away*
Ayame: Sooooo, Haru, how's your love life?
Haru: What?!
Ayame: is Kyou beign nice to you?
Haru: What are you babbling about?!
Ayame: Does Kagura know?!
Haru: Get out of here you perv!
*Haru shoves Ayame away. Aya runs towards Kisa. Kisa is sitting on the couch with Kyo. Kyo walks away, again*
Ayame: Next victim. Kisa, are you in love with Hiro, like the rumors say?
Kisa: Huh?
Ayame: Are you pregnant?!
Kisa: What?!
Ayame: Do tell... so are you?
Kisa: Get out of here!
Ayame: Don't I feel loved?
*Kisa shuns Ayame away. Ayame starts crying*
Ayame: Maybe Momiji won't reject me.
*Runs to Momiji. Momiji is playing PS2*
Ayame: Momiji, are you really immature or do you just act like you are?
Momiji: Are you on drugs... and can you share?
Ayame: No! My drugs!
*Ayame runs off. Hari comes into the room*
Ayame: Next victim.
Hari: What do you want... and why do you have my video camera?
Ayame: Shh, I don't have it. Just work with me. Why does Momiji think you're a 'creepy old man'?
Hari: When did Momiji say that?
Ayame: Never. Sooo, HOW's your love life?
Hari: What?! Are you on drugs?
Ayame: Yes, now shut up. Many people wondering... why is your hair green?
Hari: It's not green, it's black.
Ayame: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that...
Hari: Get out of here you fruit!
Ayame: Okay! Bye Honey!
Hari: Get lost!
*Ayame runs off. Aya stops and thinks*
Ayame 1: I'm the next member in the zodiac... I'm gonna interview myself!
So Aya, who is your true love?
Ayame 2: Either Hari or Shigure, but they both hate me.
Ayame 1: Sad story, now, what do you think of your brother?
Ayame 2: He should really grow out his hair and change his style.
Ayame 1: So, you want him to be more like you?
Ayame 2: Yes. After all, I am the perfect role model.
Ayame 1: Get out of here!
*Aya runs into the kitchen. Ayame finds Shigure trying to write his newest 'dime store smut' book*
Shigure: Hey Aya. Why do you have Ha'ri's camera?"
Ayame: I don't. Now, I'm gonna interveiw you.
Shigure: Okay. Ask away.
Ayame: Do ya want me?
Shigure: Huh?
Ayame: I cry like a baby when I don't get my way. Do ya want me?
Shigure: Drugatic! But yes I do want you.
Ayame: I won't apologize when I make a mistake. Do ya want me?
Shigure: You're scaring me Aya.
Ayame: I'm scaring myself. But how is your love life?
Shigure: It has it's ups and downs...
Ayame: Are you currently single?
Shigure: Now you're really freak'n me out. Get out of here. Got bug Kagura.
Ayame: Okay!
*Aya runs into the bedroom. Ayame finds Kagura on the bed, playing cards*
Ayame: Hello Kagura. I'm interviewing all the Sohma's and you're my victim I mean contestant.
Kagura: Isn't that Ha'ri's video camera?
Ayame: No, just work with me. Do you know that Kyo is in love with Haru?
Kagura: WHAT?! THAT TRATOR! KYO! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!"
*Kagura storms off. Aya runs into the other room*
Ayame: Time to interview the lovely female alchemist Alison Elric.
Alison: Hi Aya. What do you want?
Ayame: I'm here to interview you. Are you in love with Yuki?
Alison: It's a secret.
Ayame: Are you angry at Zari? Isn't he your husband or something?
Alison: Why would I be angry...and he isn't my husband!
Ayame: Are you having an affair with Zari?
Alison: WHAT!!!
Ayame: Do you really love him?
Alison: Get lost!
*Ali shoves Aya out of the room*
Ayame: Let's attack Ritsu: the monkey man. Hehehe; monk...
*runs to Ritsu's room*
Ayame: Hello monkey man. I'm gonna interview you, 'kay?
Ritsu: Okay.
Ayame: Are you in love with Ali?
Ritsu: ...
Ayame: Do you know that her and Shii...ya know...did the horizontal tango?
Ritsu: WHAT!!!!!
Ayame: Yeah, and she enjoyed it.
*Ritsu storms out of his room and pounds on Ali's door*
Ayame: That ended quickly. Now, on to Hiro.
*Aya finds Hiro playing PS2 now*
Ayame: Are you in love with Kisa?
Hiro: Get lost, Crap-for-brains.
Ayame: Are you the father of Kisa's child?
Hiro: What are you blabbering about?!
Ayame: We all know that you knocked her up...
Hiro: Get lost, Snake!!!
Ayame: Why does every one hate me?
*Aya runs into the living room. Kagura is still killing Kyo*
Ayame: We have to wait a little longer...so, in the meantime, let's find bird boy Raven.
*Aya runs into the den. Raven is reading one of Shigure's dime store smut.*
Raven: Hey Aya. What do you want?
Ayame: I'm gonna interview you.
Raven: Okay...
Ayame: Don't you know that Robyn is your cousin?
Raven: Yeah... so?
Ayame: And she's like seven years younger than you?
Raven: Get to the punch line...
Ayame: Do you have a name for your son, yet? I mean, it has been like a month since you brought the kid home. Maybe you should name him.
Raven: Do you ever shut up?
Ayame: Nope.
Raven: Get lost.
Ayame: I've been rejected again.
*Aya runs back to the living room to find Kyo sitting on the couch*
Ayame: Hello Cat Man.
Kyo: What do you want?!
Ayame: I'm gonna interview you!
Kyo: How 'bout not!
Ayame: Yes! So, who do you love more; Kagura or Haru?
Kyo: What kind of question is that?!
Ayame: Why did you die your hair orange?
Kyo: This is my natural color!!
Ayame: Have you proposed to Kagura yet?
Kyo: WHAT?!?!
*Hari walks into the room*
Hari: Give me my camera back!
Ayame: Well, I hope you learned some more about the Sohma's...
Hari: Ayame, give it to me!
Ayame: I don't have your camera!
Hari: It's in your hands!
*Ayame hands the camera to Kyo*
Hari: Ayame Sohma! You're acting like a five year old!
Ayame: Nooooo!!
Hari: Aya!
*Kyo walks away*
Kyo: Anta no baka.

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