Chapter 77 - Success is the Journey...

Sakura thought back to every time she had worked with Ekyt. Never once had he wound up on his knees before her, begging for her advice. He had never looked so desperate and lost.

He once said that he’s never humbled himself unless it meant saving a life. He isn’t saving anyone right now, so that must mean he has no clear answer. And somehow he trusts me above even Lady Tsunade to make a decision for him. But what really IS best for him?

Sakura studied Ekyt again, seeing someone so lost and confused it was beyond pitiful. She had to amend her thoughts.

No, I was wrong. He IS saving a life- his own.

“Ekyt, I order you…”

Sakura gulped, steeling herself with a firm breath. SLAP!

Ekyt skidded across the carpet, hitting the door with his back. He looked up, his eyes wide, like a puppy that had been kicked. Sakura’s hand stayed in place, showing that she had just slapped him across the face but meant no further harm.

“Get a grip on yourself! Look at you! Is this you? Is this you?!” Sakura grabbed Ekyt’s vest and hauled him to his feet, then continued her tirade. “Get the hell up! How can you let some damn illness beat you? You’ve been through worse hell than that! Get over yourself! Your sad about Azami, and you’re mad about being beaten. We’ve all been through it! All of us! Do you think feeling sorry for yourself would help now, when you’ve never felt sorry for yourself before. You HATE people that pity themselves! So you’re just going to become what you hate?!”

Ekyt stayed on his feet this time. It took a minute, but he worked out a response. “I see… I’ll take my leave then, Ojousama. Thank you for your advice.”

The girls watched him leave, not making a move. The second Ekyt left, Sakura looked to Tsunade and Shizune.

“You did the right thing. Pity isn’t what he needs. He needs understanding. But none of us can understand. So he needs to know that he’s worth something to all of us. That slap to the face was just what he needed. But he might not realize it right away.”

“I can deal with that, My Lady. I can’t bear to see him so defeated. I hope I slapped some sense into him.”

Shizune looked worried, of course. That was the norm for her. “What will he do now?”

Tsunade looked out across the peaceful village. Many green vests like Ekyt’s were visible. There was no trepidation in the ninja wearing them, though. They all had their battles, but rarely did they get more personal than Ekyt’s most recent one. That thought in mind, Tsunade sighed heavily.

“He’ll likely go to the library and lock himself away for a while, in the one place no one can bother him. He can study, mope, cry, train, whatever- but most of all, he can conquer that disease in him.”

--

Ekyt aimed for the edge of the forest, the farthest edge from any civilization. After an hour or so of wandering, he found a clearing that suited his needs. He plopped down and extracted a new training advice from his summoning scroll- a ‘Go’ board. Sitting down formally in the clearing, he laid the board out. He took three black stones and placed them in a triangle. In the center he set a white stone.

The board stayed that way for a while. Ekyt studied it from every angle. His hand moved the white piece, then two of the black pieces. Frowning, Ekyt repeated the move. He nodded, confirming some thought.

Each time the white piece moves, the two black pieces that aren’t the targets follow…

In his mind, Ekyt pictured himself taking place of the white stone. The black stone in front of him became Azami, while the other two transformed into Hidan and Kakuzu. Each time the Ekyt stone moved, so did the Hidan and Kakuzu stones.

There’s got to be a way to deal with all three at once. Speed won’t work- Azami’s faster than me. Genjutsu might work, but putting a genjutsu on three people, and then holding it, takes chakra and concentration I don’t have. If opened the gates of chakra…no, Azami would just do that, and do it better. I can only manage three Shadow Clones at any given time, while she can manage ten- that I’ve seen. She’s probably capable of more.

Her execution is flawless. There’s no hole I can pick at, either. She saw just about all I had, short of the Reaper Death Seal. And I could do that, but I don’t want to die. And I would be forbidden to, unless the time was right. Besides that, she could outrun that, too, since I couldn’t hold onto her long enough…

Hold on long enough?

Ekyt immediately flopped down on the ground, just lying there. He had inadvertently torn his heart open again. He couldn’t hold on to her, as lovers or enemies. How useless was he? He couldn’t decide whether losing her or the battle was more painful. His stoic mask has been shattered in spectacular fashion.

I’m not normal, nor am I a freak. So what am I? There’s no middle ground.

Gathering his thoughts up again, he looked back at the Go board. He had to launch three attacks to satisfy himself in this case. He looked at his strengths.

Genjutsu
Fire
Swords

And his weaknesses:

Won’t kill
Emotions
Relative inexperience
Hates water

He came to one conclusion.

I can’t win as I am now. My weaknesses outweigh my strengths. For a long time, I’ve tried to do away with weakness. Maybe instead, I need to focus on my strengths. I need one more strength, not one less weakness.


For a moment, Ekyt was ready to take on the world. But a second realization grounded him once more.

But this latest weakness…The one I’ve had for so long now. Is it defeatable? I can’t get stronger as long as it’s there. Anxiety is a no-no in battle. It clouds your senses and slows you down. I thought I’d won this battle. That makes it that much harder to start from nothing. I feel it, even now- away from my home, my throat closes, my stomachs flares up, my breathing becomes heavy, and my chest hurts. My mind is crowded. I can’t focus. I can’t focus. Can’t focus can’t focus. Am I okay? No, I’m not okay. I’m not okay. Will I ever be okay? This is worse than physical pain. No one can help me with this. I’m on my own. Now I see the difference. Before, I choose to be alone. Now, when I would take support, I can’t have it. Not because no one would support me, but because I can’t ask them. This burden must be held and defeated by my own strength.

Now to make a diagram…

Ekyt was no artist, but he took up a blank scroll and ink. First, he drew a human on his knees- himself. Next he drew chains around the ankles, arms, waist, and chest of the figure. He started to draw one around the neck, but stopped.

I defeated that one- I admitted I’m fighting a losing battle, and I’m doing something about it. That’s one shackle removed. The rest will take time. Eventually, I’ll have the shackle removed and I’ll be on my feet again.

--

This solitude meant torturous nights. Night spent curled up on the hard, cold earth, body shaking. Sweat running down the brow. Healing like this normally took years. It had taken Ekyt ten years to get control the first time. He didn’t have ten years. He lived in a different world. He had to get over this NOW.

Naruto used Shadow Clones to learn. Ekyt wondered if he could do the same thing, but was hesitant to try. If he was attacked out here, he was alone- he would need every last bit of chakra. His cigarettes were out- he couldn’t put things in his mouth for fear of choking. It made eating and drinking hard. His body ached, and he longed for the bed he knew he had waiting at home. But he couldn’t go. Not yet. He had to win. Losing wasn’t an option. Losing was admitting that the evil he faced was stronger and always would be.

--

Tsunade waited for Asuma on top of the Hokage mansion. Her arms were crossed, giving her a stern, impatient look. But really, she was thinking. She heard Asuma land on the roof.

“You called, Lady Hokage?”

“I did. Have you heard about his death?”

Asuma nodded. “Yeah, sure did. Damn Akatsuki. Can’t believe they got one of the old Twelve Shinobi Guardians. When I worked with him, I always thought he was unbeatable…”

“If there’s a bright side, it means that Ekyt has his chance to get in that group. I don’t know what else to do with him. Asuma, I’d like to ask you, along with your team and Kakashi’s team, to drag Ekyt back here from the woods, then take him to see about that position.”

“I don’t know if he’s ready yet. I mean, he’s good, don’t get me wrong, but still…” Asuma rubbed the back of his head, thinking about Tsunade’s request. “You know, it couldn’t hurt to get his name in the mix. But why the huge send-off?”

Tsunade uncrossed her arms. “Isn’t it obvious? I don’t care what he says, Ekyt needs company. I’d send Gai and Kurenai, plus their teams, if they weren’t off doing missions. And on the way, there are two fine jonin who might be able to teach Ekyt a thing or two. Do you believe he’s peaked? Without any instruction?”

Asuma admitted she had a point. “I suppose he couldn’t have. Studying and experiencing are two different things. Alright M’lady. But is it alright if we delay the mission by a couple days?”

Tsunade raised a questioning eyebrow. “Oh? What for?”

Asuma gave a lopsided smirk around his cigarette. “I followed up on what I said. Ekyt’s gonna be getting a brand new toy when I drag his @$$ back here. It’ll make the trip easier for him, I’d imagine. A metal that can conduct chakra. A geek like him would drool all over it.”

Tsunade chuckled at Asuma’s description of Ekyt. “I don’t doubt. I’m surprised he doesn’t have some already. But, in any case, as long as he gets to the Fire Daimyo, time doesn’t concern me. The rush is for Ekyt’s sake.”

--

There were fingernail marks on the ground. Claw marks of desperation. Too many fears, too many emotions! There was no escape, and nothing to be done about it. The ground was the nearest target. Anything to escape the emotions- any pain was worth it. This was the kind of horrible, irrational pain that made you wonder that maybe, just maybe, if you chewed your fingers off, the mental pain would go away.

It wasn’t insanity. It was an extension of a normal emotion that had mutated until it consumed Ekyt’s very existence. But each passing day brought about small changes. He could chew and swallow again. He could drink again. Sleep was still hard, but getting better. Leaving the safety of the clearing wasn’t happening yet. But still, this was better progress than Ekyt had hoped for.

Time for meditation and chakra concentration.

Ekyt peeled off his vest and shirt, revealing his still-cut chest. It had gotten slightly more muscular, since exercise was a natural combatant against anxiety. Pushups and situps had made Ekyt’s torso tougher. He refused to work on his abdominal muscle too much, lest he look like the SON OF A dog who Azami was falling all over.

After a short walk, the waterfall came into view. It was clichéd, but sitting under a waterfall really DID help your mental focus. It also worked when you wanted to test your chakra. The water could conduct the chakra, altering the fall of the water around you. Without chakra, the water could crush you easily. But the slightest focus diverted it enough to keep you alive.

Ekyt had just settled down and started to focus when he heard the crackling of branches. Ekyt immediately treated the sounds as a threat, even though whoever was making the sounds was giving Ekyt every chance to prepare for battle. That was easy enough. Ekyt kept sitting under the waterfall and simply reached down his right leg to his kunai holster.

One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…nine. Nine people were here. The chakra was familiar, though Ekyt couldn’t place it. For a moment, he forgot anxiety and just became his warrior self. But as he leapt up, his vision blurred and his stomach knotted. Before he could rationalize those reactions, his throat had a lump in it, and his hand was quivering.

Stop it! Ekyt admonished himself, to no avail. His body continued to give him warning signs when there was nothing to worry about. Now Ekyt couldn’t feel his shins. It was a strange but certain sign that his anxiety was just about spiraling out of control. He had to do something- anything. Anything to dull the pain.

“DAMMIT!” Ekyt howled. He reared back and punched a tree, breaking the fingers on his right hand. The pain snapped him out of his anxiety just in time for him to see who had come for him.

Team Kakashi and Team Asuma were waiting patiently. They didn’t seem totally shocked to see Ekyt in the state he was in. That, or it was well-concealed shock. That must have been it, because it took Sakura a few seconds to remember to fix Ekyt’s hand. She noticed that he was shaking at first, but then sagged, as if exhausted.

Asuma didn’t like what he saw. He had a twelve day trip to snap Ekyt out of this. Asuma’s reputation was partly on the line here. But the fact that he recommended Ekyt at all mean that he was certain Ekyt could handle it. Granted, it was before he saw the state Ekyt was in…

“Here. You’re gonna need this. You’ve got a new assignment.”

Asuma was blunt as ever. Ekyt just stared hollowly back, waiting to hear more. While he was distracted, Sakura gauged his mental and physical states.

His chakra is fine… Mentally, he’s stable, but horribly confused. Physically, he’s stronger than before. That’s better than I’d hoped, going by Lady Tsunade’s description of this illness. It’s so hard to sense, but I’ve been with Ekyt a lot. It’s faint, but it’s there.

“The twelve guardians to the Fire Daimyo? Me? Are you sure? I mean…” It seemed to dawn on Ekyt just how messed up he was. By himself, it was hard to care how he looked/felt. But this was like exposing a huge weakness.

They all came? Asuma, Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, Kakashi, Yamato, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura. Thank you…all of you. I can erase one more shackle on that drawing. But there’s still so many more. And only twelve days to get rid of them…I don’t know if I can do it. But I’ve got to try.

Shaking, though not as bad as before, Ekyt got to his feet. He was so anxious he didn’t even care that Sakura and Ino had caught him half-naked. They were both ‘taken’ so it didn’t seem to matter anyway.

Once he shrugged his clothes on, Ekyt allowed the group to form a circle around him. He was puzzled by that for a moment, until he realized that his mental state must have been in question. He wasn’t going to complain. Instead, he would take the chance to collect himself.

-

The others noticed immediately that this wasn’t the Ekyt they knew. They had been ready for the worst, and were glad to find that he wasn’t in worse shape. His defeat had opened a lot of wounds- some old, some new, and none good for him. You can learn from a defeat, it’s true, but sometimes the lesson you learn isn’t what you need to learn. For someone so free of self-confidence, a blow like that could be undoable. That’s why the two teams from the Leaf jumped in. They had to rescue Ekyt from himself. At some point or another, he had worked with all of them. So they were all acquaintances, if not friends.

“Now then, Ekyt, are you up to learning something today?”

Ekyt was already shaking, but some instinct kicked in and he nodded. “Yes. Anything to get my mind off this…”

“Glad to hear it. Now then, your genjutsu is fine. Your taijutsu will need work, but that’s later. For now, your biggest weakness is ninjutsu. Your know a good amount of jutsus- now it’s time to perfect those. Can you tell me what kind of defense you would use against a wind-type chakra?”

Ekyt thought about it for a few moments. You couldn’t get close to the wind, so…

“I would use genjutsu, and stay away from my target until he was incapacitated.”

A reliable enough answer. But not when you were dealing with S-ranked threats. Kakashi nodded to Asuma.

“Ekyt, open that package after this lesson. The lesson is this: Try your strategy on me. I’m a wind-type chakra. Let’s put your theory to the test. Choose any one teammate as back-up. Even Kakashi or Yamato. Shikamaru is with me.”

Ekyt tried to pick out a weakness. Shikamaru’s secret jutsu was mid to long range. Asuma’s wind attacks would be short to middle range. Ekyt himself was a ‘gap’ fighter. That meant that he started long range, moved to middle range, then ended the fight in short range. Anyone could compliment him, theoretically. But in this case…

Naruto and Sakura are close range. Yamato’s wood jutsu would create shadows for Shikamaru…Choji and Ino…no, I don’t know them well enough. So that leaves…

“Sai.”

--

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