Chapter 24 - An Emotionless Existence

The trip home was nearly silent. Eventually, Naruto, of course, couldn’t take it.
“That’s it! I’m gonna get those emotions back into you, right now! Sexy Jutsu!”
The beautiful, naked girl popped out, barring nothing. Ekyt’s eyes didn’t even flicker. Not even the ‘blowing kisses’ and ‘ “Teach me, sensei”’ stuff worked. Ekyt’s eyes were as cold and lifeless as before.
Naruto ended the jutsu. “Damn it, not even a nosebleed?!” Naruto groused.
“I can’t. I just don’t feel…anything,” Ekyt said in the same raspy, toneless voice.
Sasuke smirked a little. In his own way, he tried to lighten the mood.
“Now you’re an ideal Shinobi. We aren’t supposed to have emotions. The fact that we do means we’ve gotten sloppy.”
Sakura shook her head. Her emotions were more sensitive due to her genetic composition (in other words, she’s more sensitive, being female), and she knew they could be a curse, but they were also part of your character, your defining trait. There’s really a difference…he was so stoic before, it was like he didn’t have emotions. NOW I see the difference- before, he was HIDING emotions, NOW he doesn’t feel them, period. Usually, there’s pain in his eyes…now, it’s just…scary. There’s nothing.



“And what are your plans, Sasuke?” Kakashi asked. He sounded the same, but the question was almost threatening in it’s own way.
“In two monthes, at the Uchiha dojo, I’m going to kill Itachi. Until then, I guess I’m a prisoner. Or for as long as I choose to be,” Sasuke added, letting everyone know that if he wanted to leave, he was going to.
Once they reached Konoha, everyone went their separate ways. For Ekyt, that meant a straight march to the Hokage’s office. He had to let her know he was alive. That was it.
Alive in the loosest sense of the word.



When he walked in, Ekyt was immediately questioned by Tsunade about the Akatsuki. When she didn’t even mention his health, he just sat there, and shook his head. Tsunade saw this coming, and decided to spring her little surprise. Sakura walked back in with Shizune, to get some herbs from Tsunade’s personal garden.
“Congratulations…Master Sarutobi finally made me agree with him, and your story…well, just take it.”
In Tsunade’s hands was the vest Ekyt had wanted for so long. And with it, the rank of chunin. Ekyt took the vest and looked at it, saying nothing. Finally, he replaced it on Tsunade’s desk.
“What?” Tsunade couldn’t believe he was just…giving it back. “You’ve been after this for four years, why would you just hand it back to me without a word?!”
“Because I don’t want the rank for something I lost, because you’re feeling sorry for me…I want it because I’m truly worth to be called a chunin. I don’t believe in ‘pity ranks’. I want everyone, including you, to be able to say I’m a chunin and mean it, not just give it to me, to make me shut up and go away. At any rate, I’ve given you my report. Am I free to go?”
Tsunade was completely taken aback. “The ring…what happened to the ring?”
“It’s in the safest hands I could think of…Master Jiraiya’s.”
Tsunade groaned. “Kid, just WHAT are you smoking?”
Ekyt blinked. “Nothing. If you’re questioning my decision, please say so. I’m afraid the Akatsuki now own my sense of humor.”
With that, Ekyt left the office, walking out the door, instead of leaping from the rooftops like usual.
Turning to Sakura, Tsunade asked “Just what was that about?”
Sakura shook her head, then looked down. “It was horrible…when the Akatsuki captured him, they removed his emotional chakra. I stopped them before they took his soul, too, but he can’t feel emotions. He’s got a sense of right and wrong, but that’s it. There’s nothing else.”
“The Akatsuki…they really did that? He must be in pain…I guess he must still have his pride, if he won’t talk to me about it.” Tsunade immediately felt guilty. If it wasn’t for me, he would have been at that festival…the Akatsuki would never have gotten him, surrounded by all those Shinobi. When he gets his emotions back, I’m going to set things straight. IF he gets them back.



Over the next few days, the buzz was still all about Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki. But, gradually, word got out about Ekyt Kaguya’s fate. Some even speculated he had actually died, until he walked by, face pale, eyes devoid of emotion. Then the mutters started. ‘He survived the Akatsuki?’ ‘I heard they all but killed him’.
Ekyt ate his ramen, his expression unchanging. Ayame, Teuchi’s (the ramen maker) daughter, was one of the kinder people in the village. A lot of people frequented Ichiraku more for her than the delicious noodles, as she also happened to be nice looking. She was one of the few to have seen Ekyt without his mask, since he couldn’t eat ramen through the mask. She had seen expressions on his face that no one else had. Joy, anger, sadness, rage. But this expression was the most disturbing she had ever seen. It was living without life. She had never really talked to Ekyt, but he had always been cordial and friendly, if a little shy.
“Thank you,” came Ekyt’s toneless voice.
“Thinking about anything important? You seemed more deep in thought than usual,” Ayame asked with a smile.
“My name. My first name, I mean. No one can pronounce it, and I think it’s time I got a new one. I don’t have any emotional attachment to that alias.”
“I never knew that wasn’t your real name!” Ayame exclaimed. She knew him well enough not to even ask his real name.
“When I was a vigilante of sorts, I needed it to protect my parents. Now that I’ve got a new life, maybe a new name should come with it.”
Ayame smiled again. “Well, good luck with that.”
“Thank you.”


Even if I don’t use the name, I should have it in place. What was it I picked? Oh, right- Ryouko. Ryouko Kaguya…it works, I guess. I’ll keep answering to Ekyt, until it’s a problem to use that name. That’s one thing. Now, my emotions. Do I really want them back? I guess I should ask advice. Kakashi-sensei is usually good for advice. Maybe he could even help me with the scroll that I have to decipher to get my emotions back. No…I should do that on my own, until I HAVE to get help. Somehow, that just feels right.



It was ironic, Kakashi noted. Naruto, who’s been here for 15 years, and has been shunned the entire time, is a hero after one attack. He’s finally getting the attention he deserves, a little luck. Those of us who have seen what he can do, and how he cares about the village, know that he isn’t just blowing smoke anymore. He’s a far cry from the prank-playing brat he used to be. Now, he’s got friends, and he’s gotten stronger. Becoming Hokage…it’s no longer a pipe dream for him.
Naruto finally brought Sasuke back, meaning he kept his promise to Sakura. But Sakura hasn’t batted any eye at Sasuke. What does that mean? That her eyes are somewhere else, or that she’s finally learned how to reign in her emotions? Either way, she’s not the bubbly, perky, fan girl of old. She’s a medic-nin who will someday rival Tsunade herself.
And Sasuke…all the time he’s spent training to kill his brother. He was defeated by his greatest rival. Whether he knows it or not, Naruto is his rival, his friend, and his brother. Itachi is nothing more than an enemy to him.
Funny how things work out.


“Kakashi-sensei, do you have a minute?”
Kakashi looked up from his book. Ekyt, of course. Kakashi was wondering when he’d be here.
“Sure. What’s on your mind?” Kakashi asked.
“Well…I guess my question…do I REALLY want my emotions back? After hiding them for so long, isn’t this kind of what I wanted? At the same time, I kind of miss the feelings I get…and I’m afraid I’ll say something I’ll regret while I can’t care. Like telling Sakura how I feel. I just refused my chunin promotion. I don’t want their sympathy, sensei. I want what I’ve always wanted, I guess. To belong.”
Kakashi was a little taken aback at how much Ekyt had said. That’s right, without emotions, he’ll say anything to anyone, and won’t give it- or their reactions- a second thought. But he has to make this decision by himself. I can only guide him.
“You’re saying it was easier, and felt better, to hide your emotions, right?” Kakashi asked.
“I guess so.”
“Well, Ekyt, you need to look out for yourself. If you miss your emotions, get them back.”
“That’s just it. I can’t tell if I miss them or not,” Ekyt replied.
Kakashi had never seen the boy look so lost. It was unnerving.
“Let me ask you this: Did you ever think about having a family?” Kakashi asked.
“All the time. I would want one. That’s part of the hold up- without emotions, I don’t feel my anxiety anymore. I feel physical pain, but I can rationalize it before it starts to worry me. And I can think clearly. But I feel like something’s…just not there.”
Kakashi nodded. “Well, I think you’ve answered yourself. You’ll never belong if you don’t feel emotions. Love for the village, hate for Ebisu. And I know this for a fact- Sakura feels emotions. And maybe you’ve noticed, but she hasn’t batted an eye at Sasuke. She’s feeling more emotions, and she’s hiding them, the same as you. The love of her life has shown up, and she hasn’t said anything to him. Now, you said your mind is clearer now- what does this mean?”
Ekyt immediately answered. “It means that she needs an outlet, a sounding board. Someone to talk to, because she can’t sort through her emotions. They’re too complex.”
Kakashi nodded, smiling. “You ARE thinking more clearly. To be honest, right now, I think the best person for her to sound off to- is you. YOU can process the emotions for her. Not to mention that, when you do, you can decide for yourself if you really want those emotions back.”
“I’ll give it a try. I can’t feel anything, but I can tell right and wrong. And I still follow my nindo, which dictates that I don’t let my friends suffer or die if I am able to stop it.” Ekyt started to walk away, but stopped.
“Sensei, I DO sort of feel one thing…I…want to get my chakra back. I want to make the Akatsuki pay. It’s a really distant feeling, and I’m not sure where it’s coming from, but I feel it.”
Kakashi took that into consideration. He’ll figure it out. In the mean time, I’d better talk to Naruto, Sai, and Yamato- Ekyt will be going after the Akatsuki, and I’d better make sure they’re ready. Now, what was I thinking about before? Oh, right, how everyone has grown.
Ekyt was the last one. His six months of nothing but training really paid off, if he held off two Akatsuki members for so long. But he’s flawed, and he knows it. He doesn’t claim to be ultimate. If he did, he wouldn’t have gotten rid of the ring. He would have kept it, knowing he would win. He thought strategically- why let the enemy call all the shots? Make them work harder for what they want. His abilities are at a jonin level now, there’s no longer any doubt. But what does that mean? Master Sarutobi’s ‘prophecy’ says there will be more legendary ninja- is he among them? I guess only time will tell…



Sakura stacked the papers in Tsunade’s office silently. Her teacher had picked up on this. Usually, to Tsunade, Sakura was TOO cheerful. But today, it seemed like something was bothering her. Tsunade looked out the window. A picture-perfect day. Bright blue sky, fluffy white clouds, and the sun was high. Not too hot, and a slight breeze. Sakura didn’t seem sick, either. So what was wrong. Tsunade was about to ask when Ekyt walked in.
“May I borrow Sakura for a moment, Lady Hokage?” Ekyt drawled.
Tsunade nodded silently, then cupped her hands under her chin. Interesting…has he picked up on something, too?


“Ekyt? This is a surprise!” Sakura tried to sound cheerful. No matter how depressed she was, Ekyt always seemed to top her in that department.
“Well, I was just wondering…Now that my mind is impartial, I can kind of…sense other’s emotions. And I was wondering if you’re having the same trouble I was with emotions…” Ekyt would have felt akward if he could feel anything.
“What do you mean?” Sakura asked as they walked along one of the cobblestone streets.
“Too many of them. You feel too much, and you can’t decide which emotion to act on,” Ekyt replied, nodding to Hayate Gekko as they passed in the street.
“Well-yeah, how did you- hold on, this isn’t the place to have this conversation. Let’s go somewhere quieter.”
Ekyt nodded, and followed her lead to the park under Hokage rock. I’ve gotten her to open up, that’s a good sign. Now I’ve just got to help her do something I never could figure out myself.
Sakura picked out a bench, shaded pleasantly under a tall, gnarled tree. Ekyt stood, back straight. Sakura wondered why, then laughed a little at the reason.
“You can sit, you know,” Sakura couldn’t help but roll her eyes.
Ekyt sat down. “Sorry, Sakura-sensei…I’m not quite myself…”
Sakura giggled again. “You know, you SOUND like yourself. You’ve known me long enough to not add the ‘sensei’ part.”
“You still outrank me,” Ekyt replied.
“Y-eah, but we’re friends of good standing, and not on a mission. So you don’t have to call me ‘sensei’,” Sakura pointed out. Ekyt nodded, trying to understand. His mind shot back a response. She’s correct. Sit down and complete this- it’s just like a mission.
“Anyway, you’re right. I feel a lot of things…Anger, betrayal, forgiveness, understanding…I just don’t know about the fifth emotion…” Sakura was looking at the ground.
“Sort out the others first. You’re angry because you feel betrayed, but you’re ready to forgive Sasuke because you understand why he did what he did. Just think about that for a minute. Then maybe the fifth emotion will be clearer to you,” Ekyt told her. A leaf fell in front of him. Ekyt looked up- and he saw the tomoe of Sharingan.
“I think I know…but I don’t know if it’s real or not…I don’t even know if what I just said made any sense. But I feel…love,” Sakura managed to say. She looked next to her. Ekyt was still looking straight ahead.
“Love? It must be a pleasant feeling. I never really felt the love I think you’re describing,” Ekyt admitted. Relate this to Linda. She’ll understand, and it’s an appropriate analogy.
“You didn’t? You never had- a relationship?” Sakura asked. Didn’t he come here with that dog, Linda?
“I THOUGHT I felt love, with Linda. But I never really did. It was something short of infatuation, and something less than love. I think it was a bond, perhaps. A bond I longed for. I made the wrong choice, and I’m thankful that she rejected me. She’s jealous, spiteful, and meanspirited. But she was also kind, gentle, and sweet, when the time was right. She was impossible to read. But that’s all the past. Her hatred…rather, her desire for my health to deteriorate…is a backwards sort of caring. It’s not a friendship I cherish.”
Sakura frowned in concentration. “What does all that mean? You’re mentioning it to me for a reason…”
Ekyt nodded, then kept his head down. “I guess I’m saying…only you can tell if you’re in love. You’re probably beating yourself up over this, and what you think is an inability to act. I’m going to phrase this in terms I understand, and I’ll relate them as best I can. If you were battling someone, would you use a jutsu you knew, one where you could calculate all it’s effects, and have precision judgment, or would you take a chance on the intangible, and hope you were right?”
“The first one, the sure thing…I understand!” Sakura looked over at Ekyt, amazed that he had related all this to her. She was saddened to see his eyes and (what little she could see of) his expression still distant.
“It’s really your decision, Sakura. I’m only attempting to help you sort through your emotions. It’s not difficult when you have none of your own…” Ekyt looked over at Sakura.
“If I can ask you something, Sakura…” Ekyt didn’t want to ask this, but his mind told him this was the person to ask.
“Sure, go ahead!” Sakura was so relieved; Ekyt could have asked her ANYTHING.
“My emotions…without them, I’m rational, and more efficient. Therefore, I’m better off without them. But I still feel an emptiness, and I can sense that’s from my emotions. I guess my question is- what do you think? Should I attempt to retrieve my emotions, even though they are an…irritation? Or should I stay this way, the perfect warrior type? I’ve retained my conscience…is that enough?”
Sakura stood up, grabbing Ekyt’s hand on the way up. She pointed up to the Hokage faces.
“You’ve met two of the Hokage’s, Ekyt. What sets them apart from the others? If they’re grouped together as the greatest warriors, why does everyone say that the 3rd was the smartest, while the 4th was the best?”
Ekyt hadn’t thought of it. “I’d never really considered it.”
“Personality. Emotions. When you came to the Leaf Village, after you became a genin, do you remember feeling anything?”
“Yes. Love. Loyalty. A sense of belonging,” Ekyt listed them.
Sakura smiled. “Don’t you want to ‘feel’ again? I know how hard you study, and how you want to make a difference. Well, those people didn’t become Hokage because they were stone-cold warriors. They became known for their abilities, and their wisdom. But also, their character.”
Sakura let go of Ekyt’s hand. She put her hands on her hips and stared at him, smiling, almost mischieviously.
“You always said you wanted to make a difference. All of us have said it- you’re special. But now, efficient or not, you’re not you. I know all of us would rather have YOU back, than a cold, efficient machine. But it’s something you’ve got to decide for yourself.” Sakura started to walk away, but stopped and turned around, hands behind her back.
“Oh- and thank you for helping me. I think I know exactly how I feel now.”


Naruto was greeted again. This time, it was one of the Hokage’s assistants.
“Tsunade-sama wants to see you and Sakura at your earliest convenience. And, listen, Naruto, I’m sorry about how I treated you before. I’m sure you’ve heard that a lot, but I really do feel bad. The terror of the demon fox just made a fear you…but you know, you’re no demon- you’re a good kid with a big heart.” The messenger went on his way, while Naruto felt like his head would fall apart from his wide grin.
“But why does Granny Tsunade want to see me? Oh well, if she wants to see Sakura, too, then I’m not in trouble! That’s something! I’ll find Sakura and find out what’s going on. Where would she be…duh! WITH Granny already, she works there!”



Ekyt watched, impassively, as Sakura left. He turned back to the tree.
“Can I help you, Itachi?” Ekyt asked.
Itachi dropped down in front of Ekyt. “You can give my brother a message. Tell him that he and I will meet at the Uchiha dojo on the specified date at midnight.
Ekyt nodded. “Fine. Is that all?”
Itachi nodded. “Life without emotions…it must be interesting. It’s interesting that you’re alive. Usually, after an extraction, the host dies.”
Ekyt just stared back. After a moment, he replied. “I guess I wasn’t ready to die yet.”
Itachi smirked a little, as if he understood, before he disappeared.

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