Username   Password  
Remember   Register   |   Forgot your password?

Chapter 1 - A New Start, and the First Loss

Your favorite pack of lovable, hard-headed ninjas in a new adventure!

Chapter 1 - A New Start, and the First Loss

Chapter 1 - A New Start, and the First Loss
“Man, how boring was that? It was so worthless! I’m going to be hokage, and all they’re teaching me is how stupid other people are!” A familiar orange-clad ninja was talking the ears off his two companions as they walked out of the lecture hall. “I mean, come on! The idiots they talk about are nothing, I could’ve beaten them all! Believe it!” The orange ninja’s friends had been tolerant, but that was gone. “Naruto, will you shut up? Loser.” Naruto spun toward him. “What was that Sasuke, king of injuries? You take that back!” “Come on, Sasuke would destroy you, just like every time!” the girl of the group, a pretty, pink-haired girl said. “Aw, it’s so sweet of you to worry for me Sakura, you must really love me, huh? Heh heh heh!” BAM! Sakura walloped Naruto on top of the head. “Owwwww. That hurt Sakura!” “Good! You pig!” The grounds were suddenly quieter. Everyone seemed to be looking towards the disturbance.

A new student? This one had his head in a book, obscuring his face. A ¾ length black trench coat had been tossed across his shoulders. He was wearing black gi pants, with a black shirt that had a white collar. On his feet were boots that looked heavy, but apparently weren’t, since they didn’t make a sound, even to all the trained ninja ears in the hallway. The new guy finally snapped his book shut, giving everyone a look at his head for the first time. A black headband had been tied hastily around it, it seemed, covering one eye. The rest of his face was covered in a black wrapping. One that appeared to be bloodstained. Around his neck was the point of interest. A leather pouch that usually contained an important message was occupying that spot.

The stranger stopped as an odd shadow had crossed his path. Sasuke and Sakura groaned. “I’m Naruto Uzumaki! Someday I’m going to be hogake! State your business!” he shouted. The stranger seemed somewhat amused. “I’m sorry I can’t return proper courtesy and give you my name. My business is to deliver this to Kakashi Hatake. If you wouldn’t mind telling me where I might find him.” “Look no further.” Kakashi was perched up on top of some telephone wires. “You must be the messenger. Glad you made it. We could have provided an escort.”

The stranger looked up at the wires, then spied two buildings close together. He leapt between the two of them, jumping back and forth, then leaping onto the wire. He handed the packet to Kakashi, then knelt down. Kakashi’s visible eye showed an amused surprise, something that most of the genin and chunin here could pick out. The two began to talk in serious, low tones.

“I wonder what they’re saying?” Sakura said/asked. Sasuke showed his trademark indifference, while Naruto showed his trademark exuberance. He was inching closer and closer to the wires, trying to hear the conversation. He shook his, muttering “No luck” under his breath.

Finally, the two leapt off the wires. Kakashi jumped straight to the ground, while the stranger disappeared momentarily, then leapt down from a low tree to land near the road. “Hold on! How do I know I can trust you?” Naruto was questioning the messenger. “You haven’t told us anything! Nothing! Do you even HAVE a name?” Kakashi cleared his throat. “That’s enough. He has had a trying trip.” Focus turned to his covered eye. “Sharingan?” was the common whisper.

Chakaro Takami waited with rapt…indeference, it seemed, for his former instructor to come back. When he came up, that turned to rapt attention. “They’ll have us.” He said. Chakaro nodded. “Wait, are we sure this is smart?” A pretty blond girl, Kayla Donalds, questioned. The last member of the group, a pink-haired girl, raised her eyebrows. “What’s life without risk? Besides, the more we know, the better chance we have of skipping natural selection.” The group nodded as one. “This Kakashi man would like to meet with our leader.” The stranger in the coat said. Everyone gaze shifted toward “Master Linda.”

Linda was a master of an old-fashioned martial art. She purposely kept the name hidden to all but her closest confidants. She was good natured, but obviously deadly, though she chose to avoid killing. She looked over to who was easily her best friend, the guy in the trench coat. “Ekyt, I think you should go.”

Ekyt looked back at her. “He said leader…” The pink-haired girl answered with a “Last I checked, YOU got us here…that makes you leader.” Ekyt’s hand immediately felt to his eye. “I guess this IS my fault.”

Kayla had huddled up near Chakaro, obviously scared. Or, more likely, doing a great job of pretending it. The helpless girl act…the one that was used on me for so long…I’ll never fall for that again, not here…every girl here is as deadly as every guy here. The single eye that was visible closed in a blink. “Alright, I’ll speak with him. The rest of you, you’re coming along for the ride and guarding the door.”

Kakashi slowly lowered the book he had been reading. “Makeout Paradise” would have to wait, this was a tale that required his full attention. “Please, come in…You already know me as Kakashi…” Ekyt took that as a prompt. “I go by Ekyt.” Kakashi indicated a cushion for Ekyt to kneel on. As he got down, Kakashi made his first observation. “Samuria, it would seem?” Ekyt turned his good eye toward Kakashi in a questioning look. “Most people don’t knock an invisible hakama out of the way before kneeling.” “Point taken.” Ekyt returned, affirming Kakashi’s answer in the same sentence. “So, you’re the leader.” “Well…I’m taking responsibility.” Ekyt answered evasively. The older ninja leaned back, not looking particularly worried. “I see…So, please continue. I read the message, and you would be welcome here…but I must ask you to tell me more about this “attack.” Ekyt nodded and began to speak.

“Geez, now I wish I WAS in there.” Linda muttered. All these ninja staring her down were REALLY making her uneasy. By way of answer, Chakaro stepped in front of her, indicating that he would protect her. “I’m not the master here Chakaro, no need for the formal stuff.” She said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Hey, look, more new people! Whoa!” Naruto was perched up high, peering over the edge of a building. “What?” Sakura asked, not sure she liked the sound of his voice. “Sakura…that girl could be you! How do I know you’re not a fake, huh?” Naruto turned toward Sakura, who rolled her eyes. “Because I’ve been next to you this whole time, you moron.” “Oh, yeah.” Sasuke looked down over the edge. “Hmm…” He made a sound of indifference. “They don’t have a village either.” Sakura pointed out. “They probably came with that guy we saw earlier. I wonder what he needed with Kakashi-sensei?”

“So about…ten days ago, we were attacked. I couldn’t tell you much, other than we were in over our head. Don’t get me wrong, they’ve all got talent, but they’ve never seen these…chakra…before.” “Very few here have mastered control of their chakra.” Kakashi said. “And I don’t think it’s likely you were attacked by our village.” Ekyt nodded his agreement. “I’ve been meaning to ask…since you know about this…” Ekyt reached for his headband, pulling it up. Kakashi’s eye stared back.

“So, anyway…” Linda stopped talking. Reaching into her hidden supply, she threw two knives up, hitting the building just below Naruto’s head. “HEY!” a voice called down. Seconds later, three new people jumped in front of them.

“HEY! WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO CHUCK KNIVES AT ME, HUH?” Naruto yelled. “You were spying on them, loser. THAT gives them the right.” Sasuke muttered darkly. “Don’t tell me what to do!” “Will you shut up?” “YOU GONNA MAKE ME?!?!” “If I have to.” Sakura pushed her way between the two. “Hi, you must be new here! My name is Sakura, it’s nice to meet you! The walking mouth in orange is Naruto, and the one with the dark hair is Sasuke. Welcome!” She could be my double…almost…except for that ponytail… Sakura thought.

Linda returned the bow from Sakura. “I’m Linda. This is Kayla Donalds and Chakaro Tamaki.” “It’s nice to meet you!” “You already met our fourth member, Ekyt.” “Oh, yes, he’s talking with Kakashi-sensei.” It occurred to Sakura that the three looked beat up. “Do you have a place to stay?” Linda shook her head. “No, we just got here.” “Well, come with us, get some ramen! It’s really dangerous to be tired around here. And you look like you need to revitalize your chakra” “Pardon me? Cha-what?” Sakura and Sasuke exchanged glances. “You…don’t know about chakra?” “No.” “Well, we’ll talk over some food.”

“I didn’t sense Sharingan on you…But I didn’t expect this…” Kakashi murmered, not liking being surprised. “I’m sorry. When we were attacked. The Master of our school was in the line of fire from some damn pointy thing…so I did the only thing I could…” Ekyt stayed silent for a moment, digging into his pockets and pulling out his trademark toothpick, treading it through his face covering and putting it in his mouth. “Will it heal?” he asked in an even voice. Kakashi sighed. “It’s not likely. If you could have focused your chakra at the right time…I’m sorry.” Ekyt nodded and pulled the headband back down. “Sorry to copy your style.” Kakashi got up and said “Let’s go find my students. If I know them, they’ve already found your group. My kids are talented hard-heads, but good natured. And I’m pretty sure Naruto will have convinced them to eat”

“Ramen! Yes! Three squares a day!” Naruto started to inhale, prompting everyone to move a couple seats away. “So, tell us a little about yourselves then. How was your trip?” Linda gulped and made eye contact with her group. They looked uncomfortable themselves. “Well…it was…”

“I thought we’d find you here.” Kakashi walked in, with Ekyt in tow. “Ekyt! Will it…” Linda’s voice trailed off upon seeing him shake his head. “Oh…I’m so sorry…” “What happened? What happened? I gotta know!” Naruto leapt up. Ekyt shifted into a guard, then stopped. “I’m sorry…”

(FLASHBACK)

“Slow day…thank God we’re almost there.” Linda said to no one in particular.

“Hey, look at this Kankuro.” Temari inclined her head toward the strangers. “Interesting…but we shouldn’t bother with them, they don’t seem like a threat.” “I don’t like them.” Gaara said in his solemn voice. He stepped out in their way.

“Hey, heads up.” Chakaro said. Linda stopped. She saw a strange young man holding his hand in a weird position. “Sand Coffin.” Chakaro and Kayla were suddenly enveloped in sand. “What the hell?” Chakaro struggled against it. “Hey, let them go!” Gaara watched the trapped two’s companions run to the front. The male swung at him. His sand shield took care of every strike he threw. Deciding this was fun, he targeted the female. He found the male to be a problem, as he held Gaara’s hand in place.

Ekyt watched as this read-haired freak moved his hand again. He didn’t know what it did, but he decided to stop it. He grabbed Gaara’s hand quickly, managing to break his thumb. He struck again, this time coming close to Gaara’s face. Gaara leaned back, showing no emotion as strike after strike flew at him.

Gaara normally had no need for something as primitive as taijutsu, but this guy had gotten inside his defenses. “Sand Shuriken.” He directed his attack toward the female.

Ekyt saw what was happening and darted in front of Linda. He had taken knives for her before, but this was a critical strike. Ekyt felt his left eye burn with pain, as thousands of small sand daggers tore at his face.

Then he felt nothing where his eye should have been. He would have taken the pain at this point…

(END FLASHBACK)

“Gaara? You met Gaara?!” Sakura couldn’t believe it. “But your group isn’t hurt! And you’re not dead.” “Someone called off his attack. Blond hair, big fan.” “Temari!” “You poor thing! That was really brave of you! Is it okay if I take a look?” Sakura asked. “You might lose your ramen.” Ekyt warned. “Trust us, Sakura’s probably the best at this.” Sasuke hadn’t said anything in a while, but piped up now. For some reason, Ekyt turned away from the group. “Okay. I trust you. Go ahead.”

Sakura approached shakily, gently prying his headband up. “My God…Can I see the rest?” Ekyt nodded. She pulled the covering on his face forward. “I’m…I’m so sorry…” she said, feeling tears in her eyes.

“Hey Sasuke, looks like he’s homing in on your action! Heh! Well, he’s a darn sight better than you!” Naruto taunted. Sasuke seemed to blush very slightly, but he snapped “Shut up” instead of saying anything else. “You’re Kakashi-sensei, right?” Linda asked. Kakashi nodded. “And you must be Linda. Your name came up in my talk with Ekyt.” Linda smiled. “Well, there’s a story behind that one, to be sure.”

“I can’t believe Gaara would do this!” Sakura said as he replaced his headband and face covering. “This…chakra…I’m here to learn about it. I want to be better. I…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I really appreciate you trying to help me.” Sakura blushed. “Oh, it’s no problem!”

Ekyt walked outside for a minute. Cute…whoa! No way! I gave up on that whole game. Besides, she’s got eyes for that Sasuke guy…Forget it. You’re a warrior, what do you need with attention? Focus. You had your eye destroyed…You’re not good enough! And you never will be if you mope around, following Linda like a little lost puppy. You laid your cards on the table, and she was honest. You can’t ask any more than that…

Except maybe her saying “yes”…



NEXT ISSUE: MORE NINJA GROUPS TO MEET, AND TRAINING STARTS FOR OUR NEW HEROES!

Comments

Comments (10)

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment

CloverGrl on August 11, 2008, 8:43:09 AM

CloverGrl on
CloverGrlGreat intro! I really like the way you've portrayed the new characters, nice work!

Shipo on July 23, 2008, 4:13:43 AM

Shipo on
Shipowow...thats amazing......*favs*

kogalover2013 on December 8, 2007, 12:14:15 PM

kogalover2013 on
kogalover2013awsome story

Candycane9 on September 19, 2007, 3:19:15 PM

Candycane9 on
Candycane9Wow that was awesome I LOVE IT I AM GOING TO FAVE THIS! *Faves it 3,000 times*

Neopetgirl on September 17, 2007, 1:36:18 PM

Neopetgirl on
NeopetgirlWoa..it's like I was reading an episode from Naruto! With the awesome additions of your original characters! Now I know how Ekyt lost his eye..darn Gaara.. I hate him for that..I love how it's turning out though! Brilliant job.

Midnight_Chaos on September 13, 2007, 2:16:13 PM

Midnight_Chaos on
Midnight_ChaosPerfect start NextGaurdian!! You introduced the characters very well :D I'm looking forward to reading the rest!! Your characters sound very interesting...I feel sorry for Ekyt though, with that wounded eye. I wonder if it will ever heal? I'm intrigued to see where this is heading ^_^

There are just a couple of things you can fix up if you want, mainly the dialogue setup. I learned these things from other authors from fanfiction since I used to do these mistakes myself....but I'll pass the info onto you if you wanna use it. First, it's always good to have each character's dialogue on a seperate line. For example:
"I'm gonna be hokage! Believe it!" screamed Naruto, earning him a deathglare from Sasuke.
"Shut up Loser," Sasuke replied in a low mutter.
This way, it's easier to read, and ppl don't get confused as to who is speaking.

When writing dialogue too, if the sentence continues on after the person has stopped speaking, instead of using a fullstop at the end of their speech, use a comma. Luckily someone corrected me on this mistake at the start of my Jak and Daxter fic a while ago...here's a basic example.
Incorrect grammar: Sakura narrowed her eyes at Naruto, "You are such an idiot." She said.
Correct Grammar: Sakura narrowed her eyes at Naruto, "You are such an idiot," she said.
Notice how there is a comma at the end of her line instead of a fullstop? I hope I'm making sense...also, you may know this already, but there isn't a capital on the word "she". Seriously, I'm not good at explaining things like this lol. If you want me to explain further, I'll try ^_^ But yeah, that's really the only main problems.

It may also be a good idea to either have a larger space between scene changes (hitting "enter" again would probably do before each scene change/location change) or you can add in a line to split it. On fanfiction, I usually add in a line (not sure what it's called O.o;) whenever it changes from one group's POV to another. You can also just add in stuff like OOOOOoooooOOOOOO or something to show it's a different setting/scene. This isn't really that important, but I just got a little confused here and there when the setting suddenly changed. That might just be me though, since I get confused over anything these days *lowers head in shame*

Just one more thing, which again isn't very important. Besides, this just might be your style of writing :) Expanding on a character's actions and how they say things is a good way to explore characters in depth. The more you explain what a character is doing and saying, and how they're acting, the more your readers can connect with that character. Eg:
"I'm hungry Iruka-Sensei!" Naruto said.
Adding in a few descriptive words here and there will help us to visualise Naruto's hungry, hungry state...mmmmmm.....food.....*horrified gasp* I haven't eaten yet!!! They'll be some serious fridge raiding after this....but back to this, here is the same line but with a little more words added.
"I'm hungry Iruka-Sensei!" Naruto said loudly, tugging on Iruka's sleeve while giving his teacher a pouting look. Long story short, explaining a character's actions/thoughts/feelings/dialogue in more depth will help us to understand them better. You've done a good job on Ekyt though, explaining his thoughts and such. I just think the other characters need a little bit more too. But again, this isn't that important. It's just something you could look into to help us connect with the cast a little more.

I think that's all of it...overall it's an awesome start, and I'm really looking forward to reading the rest. If you need me to explain anything again, feel free to ask. Other than that, good luck NextGuardian!! I really hope this story goes well for you :D Keep up the great work!!

rffraff05 on August 31, 2007, 4:54:42 AM

rffraff05 on
rffraff05nice story bro, if you gert online i have an announcement

ShyWanderer043 on August 26, 2007, 11:14:05 AM

ShyWanderer043 on
ShyWanderer043GREAT GREAT GREAT! I absolutly love Naruto and you did a great job!

Shadowthe_hedgehog on August 24, 2007, 5:01:07 PM

Shadowthe_hedgehog on
Shadowthe_hedgehogAWESOME! ^^ I love how this turned out, I actually felt like I was reading a written version of the show! It's amazing ^-^

alchemest1 on August 24, 2007, 2:39:02 PM

alchemest1 on
alchemest1AWESOME! THIS IS REALLY GOOD! You decided to keep your characters. I'm glad. They are all real good ones. Anyway. Great job on the chapter. I Can't wait to see how this story turns out!