Chapter 14 - Tsunade the Matchmaker

NOTE:

This one was done very quickly. Unlike one of my last stories, which had the two characters thinking (all of you who commented had that right about them thinking too much. Can’t say that one was one of my favorites. It could have been way better Sorry about that!), this one is on-the-fly humor, and a strange romance. I know I did the ‘Ojo-sama’ thing already, but this is a different kind of story, so bare with me!

I was in a goofy mood, and it shows. I had other things- Ryouko living in a box or a pen in Sakura’s room. Some Love Hina-ish moments. But for simplicity’s sake, I scrapped them. Though they might see the light of day yet…

At any rate, I feel the need to redeem myself for submitting stories that just don’t seem to work. I’m giving all my effort, but they just aren’t working right. I’m going to fix that soon. Please stick with me, I’ll deliver a better quality product soon- starting, hopefully, with this fic!

-NG

--

Tsunade had long grown tired of Sakura’s weary sighs and wistful gazes out the window.
Her mind’s barely on her work anymore. It’s all because she can’t get her mind off Sasuke. That damn dirty traitor…Even if he didn’t make any commitment to her or lead her on…crushing a young girl’s heart…I won’t forgive it! Unknowingly, Tsunade had put one foot on her desk, her fists clenched, and fire in her eyes.

“M’lady? Why are you standing on your desk?” Sakura asked curiously.

Tsunade got off her desk upon Sakura’s voice snapping her back to reality. “A cramp in my leg, that’s all.” Tsunade couldn’t tell Sakura she had just jumped onto her work station in anger of something that happened nearly three years ago. Tsunade was trying to get Sakura to be more mature, but if she herself acted like that…

I need to get this girl married up or something! No, too soon. A boyfriend. That’s what she needs. Some cute little boy that doesn’t irritate her. That cuts out Naruto. But who to pair her with? I can’t pick a coward- she could kick a lot the men’s asses around here. I need someone non-threatening, at least to her. But he’s gotta have a spine…

Ryouko walked into the room, ready for missions. Tsunade looked back and forth between Ryouko (just standing still, waiting) and Sakura (putting files away). Tsunade was pretty sure she had seen Ryouko give Sakura a quickly glance on the way on. It was only natural, of course- boys checked out girls, and vice versa. Not that it was any surprise that Ryouko liked Sakura- it was painfully obvious to anyone who dealt with either of them on a regular basis. Time for the acid test.

I know Ryouko likes Sakura. It’s so obvious! How HASN’T Sakura figured it out yet?! Well, I hope this works- if not, Ryouko’ll likely go through life neutered…

“Whoops!” Tsunade ‘stumbled’ and pushed Sakura. She fell toward Ryouko who stepped forward to catch her. He caught her around the waist and by the arm from behind as she stumbled.

“Gotcha! Ah…” Ryouko turned progressively redder as he helped Sakura to a stable position.

“Nice catch!” Sakura said cheerfully, patting Ryouko’s shoulder. She somehow missed the deep blushing and the obviously infatuated expression. “Are you okay, M’lady? It’s not like you to just trip like that…”

Tsunade’s grin turned wicked. “Never better. With that (points at Ryouko), I can cure this (points at Sakura). Things are great!”

(sound silence)…

“I’ll get a blanket and a cold washcloth,” Ryouko said, running out of the room to do just that.

“hmm…you don’t have a fever M’lady. Are you alright?” Sakura felt Tsunade’s head, checked her pulse, and listened to her breathing. “You seem normal…HEY!”

Tsunade picked Sakura up around the waist and waited. When Ryouko came back, she threw Sakura like a SCUD missile. Ryouko caught her, but fell down. They both skidded backwards until they were outside the Hokage’s office, leaning against the far wall in the hallway. Ryouko back was to the wall, and Sakura ended sitting on Ryouko’s lap due to his attempt to make sure she didn’t hit the wall.

“Uh…” the two said in unison, staring wide-eyed at the (in their eyes) certifiably insane Hokage.

“You and you- don’t come back here until you’re married, or dating, or have kids! Whatever!” Tsunade shouted, slamming the door on the two stunned kids.

“What was that about?” Ryouko wondered aloud.

“I’ll tell you when you let go of me…” Sakura gave Ryouko a look. He immediately let go and apologized. He didn’t understand that Sakura was just kidding with him.

It’s kind of sad that he can’t see that kind of humor…it’s like part of his personality is missing…poor guy. Sakura had wondered about Ryouko’s ‘constricted’ behavior before, and always felt a little sad for him. It seemed like he had never done any of the things that children normally do. He didn’t seem to have any mischievous bones in his body- not even innocently mischievous bones.

--

“So she’s been acting strange for a while now?” Ryouko was sitting formally on the ground, staring up at Sakura. She was occupying a bench in the park.

“Oh, for the love of- will you sit like a human?! Get off the ground and sit next to me! What are you so afraid of?!”

Ryouko scrambled up on the bench, REALLY not wanting to answer that question. He sat down next to Sakura. They both sat still for a while, until Sakura wilted and fell with her head on Ryouko’s shoulder.

“Hmm? Sorry, just kind of tired from training today…I’ve been worrying about Lady Tsunade every night, too…not getting enough sleep, I guess.” Sakura had left out the fact that she had also been moping about Sasuke.

Having a pink head on his shoulder relaxed Ryouko at first. But he had a scary girl (that he just happened to like) nestled up to him. Wasn’t this bad?

Alright, the girl’s got a problem. You help her solve it, you’re in! Then you’ve got an excuse to talk to her!

“Sakura, why don’t we find out what’s bothering Lady Tsunade. Or, you know what, I’ll go. You can get a little rest, and I’ll find out what’s going on.”

Sakura was too tired to argue. “Okay. Carry me?”

“What?” Ryouko asked, not sure he heard her.

“What?” Sakura replied. She knew of Ryouko’s shyness, and teasing him was too much fun sometimes. He wasn’t like Naruto, who took any advance (joking or otherwise) as an excuse to perv things up.

--

Ryouko jumped through the window to get in to Tsunade’s office. She wasn’t happy to see him without Sakura in tow.

“What, dumped already? You had BETTER be- if you’re here, she’d better be hunting you down. If not, get out or I’ll kick you in the-.”

Y-eah, something’s wrong. She’s not usually THIS dogy…or is she…? No, no, not THIS dogy…

“M’Lady, is something bothering you? You seem kind of…tense…” Ryouko struggled to use words that wouldn’t cause Tsunade to fly off the handle. He kind of liked the family jewels right where they were besides that.

“Agh, you stupid kids! How retarded can you be?! Listen, fool, you love her! Don’t even deny it; that’s insulting to my intelligence. I give you the perfect chance- pretty girl, needs a shoulder to cry on- and you come back here empty-handed. Just how stupid are you?!”

Ryouko bowed his apology. “She was worried about you, M’lady. I only wished to relieve her worry…er, what IS bothering Sakura?”

Tsunade clasped her hands behind her back and looked out the window. “Lately, she’s been feeling lonely, Ryouko. As in the teenage girl ‘I want a boyfriend’ lonely feeling. Her heart was set on Sasuke, and because of that, she burned a lot of boys without knowing it. You might be the only one left who’ll give her a chance. It’s all over your face- you love her. She hasn’t seen it yet, but she DOES think highly of you. I’m sorry I was so harsh earlier, but her sighing every day just irritated me so much!”

“This is a concern of Sakura’s? A boyfriend? She could have anyone in the village…I can’t ask her to settle for me…”

Tsunade gave Ryouko’s head a pat. “You know, you’re speaking coward’s language. You’re afraid of girls AND of success, yet you want both. Ryouko, life won’t stay the same. If YOU don’t take steps to change it for the better, someone or something else will start things in motion that will make it change for the worse. What’ll happen if she turns you down?”

“I’ll never be able to look her in the eye again. I’ll probably die old, alone, and full of regrets. My youth will be destroyed, and my mental health will deteriorate, until I’m a drooling vegetable who will drown in his own pathetic slobber.”

Tsunade’s rolled her eyes. “Poetic, Ryouko. Did you get that out of a fortune cookie or something?”

“Same question to you…”

BONK! (Tsunade had smacked Ryouko on the head) “Don’t talk back! Little fool! You leave me no choice: Your mission- the only one you get until it’s completed- is to serve Sakura. Be her companion, and do whatever she asks. And don’t leave her side. If I find out you’ve disobeyed these orders in any way…well, you’ll regret it. BADLY. Don’t even tempt me.”

Ryouko’s eyes were wide. “What’re you gonna do to me?”

“…”

“You don’t know, do you…”

“SHUT UP! Now, go! Remember- ANYTHING she wants. Oh, and call her ‘Ojo-sama’. She might like that title. I just hope she asks you to do something naughty…heheheh.”

“Yes, Lady perv-”

“Finish that sentence and die…”

“…”

--

Sakura swung her feet, sitting on her bed. She rolled over on her belly and stared at Ryouko, who was sitting on the floor, waiting for some kind of order. They stared at each other for a minute- both clueless kids.

“So you’re my slave now?” Sakura asked incredulously.

“I would prefer ‘servant’, but yes…”

Sakura giggled at the reaction. Seeing this strong, stoic warrior humbled…
“Okay, so you’ve gotta do what I say, right?”

“That’s right.”

Sakura dropped the act for now. “And you aren’t suppose to leave my side, right?”

“Yup.”

“Huh. So how do we do stuff like bathe…or pee…Well, we’ll worry about that later. For now, let’s get your bed set up. Hmm…the closet! Oh, cool! You’re gonna live like Rukia from Bleach! Kido 46 beeyotch!”

“…Isn’t there a better comparison, Ojo-sama? (I mean, Rukia’s cool, but I’m a guy…)”

“Why? You don’t like the idea of coming out of the closet?”

“Hey, I may be single, but I-”

“Ahaha! Sorry, sorry. Okay, we’ll call it ‘your room’. Anyway, you can sleep there. …” Sakura poked Ryouko in the forehead, a mild expression on her face. Ryouko just stared at her stupidly, feeling his face grow warmer and redder.

“I thought so…you’re actually scared, aren’t you? Of girls! You’re not just shy, you’re scared! I can’t believe it! The tough as nails warrior is afraid of a cute lil’ girl!”

Ryouko shrugged off her joke. “You’re right, actually. I am. But…” (Big, fake inspection of her face) “…Is something bothering you, Ojosama? All joking aside, you’ve been kinda down lately. Is there anything I can do? I mean, I know I can’t be of much use, but I can at least listen to you…if you’re comfortable talking to me, I mean. I don’t want to pressure you…”

Sakura thought of Sasuke. How could he leave me? And why…why won’t anyone love me? I know I’m not that cute, and the only thing big about me is my forehead…but still…Look at Ryouko. All his problems, and he’s concerned about me. He’s such a loyal friend…I feel like I could tell him anything. He won’t turn it into a joke, or make me feel worse. Maybe that’s what I need. Is that why Tsunade ordered him here? IS this even orders anymore? Or did he say this by himself? Maybe both?

Sakura opened her mouth, and it gushed out. All of it. The loneliness, the longings, the desire for someone to love her, and someone to love back. It all poured out in one straight hour of tears. After an hour, Sakura’s eyes were finally out of tears. She had slunk off her bed and onto the floor, kneeling opposite Ryouko.

Ryouko’s first instincts were jumbled. Fight or flee? But then Tsunade’s words rang in his head.

I can either make a good change, or wait for fate to change things for me, and hope it’s good. I don’t let others fight my battles! Leave nothing to chance!

Ryouko slid forward and pulled Sakura tight to his chest. They were both kneeling, and Ryouko was only a few inches taller, so Sakura’s head was on his shoulder. Stunned by the sudden aggressiveness, Sakura stopped sniffling. She returned the hug before she knew what she was doing.

“It’s alright, Ojo-sama. We’ve all got problems like that. If it’s any consolation…I really care about you. That is to say, I have feelings for you. And I don’t know if I’m who you’re looking for, but…whatever your answer, I’m still the same friend you’ve had for years now. But now seemed like the perfect time to admit how I feel…”

Sakura pulled away from Ryouko, holding him at arm’s length to study him.

It’s true…I can tell he’s being sincere…but how do I answer? How do I feel?! Wait, I’m hugging him…I don’t know I was, and I didn’t think about it. If I feel comfortable enough to just hug him like that…Not to mention I spilled my guts to him completely…

Sakura pushed Ryouko down and pinned his arms. He cringed, waiting to be punched, or kicked, or set on fire, or whatever the scary, pink-haired kunoichi was going to do to him. When he dared to open his eyes, he found Sakura staring at him. Her face was really close…

“All that is true?” she questioned, not breaking her stare.

“…Yeah. All of it.”

“Lady Tsunade didn’t make you say it?”

“No. She DID help me get the opportunity, though…and motivated me a little. Otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten the guts up…”

Sakura leaned down and kissed the stunned boy. He stared stupidly at the ceiling until Sakura bit his lip to get his attention. After that he cooperated a little better, remembering that kissing was generally a joint effort.

But a vision from hell was to ruin this perfect moment.

“Oh…I forgot to tell my mom that you’re a servant now…”

Ryouko’s eyes widened. He was suddenly reminded of why he was so scared of girls before that perfect moment. Sakura was still pinning him down, so running wasn’t an option. Instead, Sakura leaned down near Ryouko’s ear.

“Just play dead. It’ll all be over soon…” she whispered, giving his ear a kiss.

Sakura’s totally worth the beating I’m about to get…I hope the broom Ms. Haruno’s holding doesn’t hurt too much…

--
One beating/explanation later…
--

“Sorry, Ryouko. I guess our family gets a little defensive over our girls. I hope I won’t stop you from giving me grandchildren (either by scaring you or by possibly hitting you in the nuts)…”

Ryouko scuttled backwards into the closet. He was sitting on his futon, knees tucked into his chest, shaking. He shut the door.

“Well, Sakura, I guess I’d better leave him to you. You’ve got a lot of healing to do…if I hear any strange sounds, though, you two will have some explaining to do…I wish my parents had been harder on me about this. You girls today wear those short skirts and those sexy tops and all you think about it sex! I heard a rumor that the Yamanaka girl is pregnant! And your sensei, wearing those tops! Don’t you even THINK about it, young lady! Just because you’ve got a boy drooling over any scrap of attention you give him doesn’t mean you get to ‘flash’ any more leg than you are now! If you were a sensible girl, you’d let me make that skirt longer! One of these days it’ll be some enemy that notices you, and what then?! You and I are going to have a long talk about protection before you slip in the sheets with him! That ‘innocent boy’ act doesn’t fool me! All boys want to have sex with girls, so you just better not drop your guard, and-”

“Mom!” Sakura shouted. She pointed at Ryouko. “That gentle boy would NEVER do anything to hurt me or my future! What I wear is my business. I understand ‘the talk’ and all about it- I’ve read the freakin’ manual! And more importantly, I think you’re scaring my boyfriend! Now, go on, shoo!”

Why am I getting treated like I’m their new pet? Ryouko wondered, his eyes still wide. He tugged his blanket around his shoulders tighter. Violent woman had torn his shirt…I see where Sakura gets it from. I must NEVER, EVER piss her off…

Sakura climbed onto the futon next to him, shutting the closet door behind her.

“Maybe a little darkness will calm you down. Settle now, c’mon,” she coaxed, petting the back of his head. Little by little, Ryouko stopped shaking. (Until it occurred to him that he was locked in a closet with Sakura. But the other option was leaving the closet and being at the mercy of Mrs. Haruno…easy answer. He was staying put. Kissing hurt way less than a beat-down with a broom. Besides, he had just confessed his feelings, and now the girl he thought he’d never have was making sure he was okay. It was kind of cool, sitting with her like this. Ryouko had been sure he’d never have this type of relationship and interaction. It was just as Tsunade had said- he WAS afraid of success and the change that went with it. But change wasn’t so bad now…

S’pose I should be thankful that Sakura’s mom didn’t have a rolling pin or something in her hand…

--

Somehow or another, Ryouko managed to fall asleep. When he woke up, he received a shock. Sakura was next to him.

Uh oh…did her and I-?! If we did, why can’t I remember! I wanna remember! PLEASE let me remember! Was I any good?! Wait, wait, we’re both dressed! Okay, calm down. She locked us in the closet so that her scary mother couldn’t get me anymore…then I fell asleep. She must have stayed put…she really is a sweet girl. That’s the kind of thing I should do for her.

Eventually, Sakura woke up, too. She nearly panicked, but saw Ryouko sitting up, looking calm.

“C’mon, we’d better make this look more innocent!” Sakura urged, grabbing Ryouko’s hand and pulling him over to her bed. She pushed him down (his heart rate sped up), then laid down. Her head was on the pillow, while Ryouko’s feet were next to her head. She quickly scooped up a random magazine and read.

To anyone else, it looked like a boyfriend and girlfriend relaxing together on a lazy day. It was the kind of moment both of them wanted, but never dared to expect. It was one little slice of ‘normal’ in a world caked with chaos.

For once, ‘normal’ was good.

“Hey, wanna make out?” Sakura sat up quickly, shifting close to Ryouko.

“You bet!” he said happily, sitting up to face her. Oh boy! I’ve never done this before! And how far do I go with this?

Sakura laid back down. “Sucker!"

“That’s really mean, Ojosama…” Ryouko whined, laying back down.

“Oh, stop whining. You’ll get to someday. Besides, do you REALLY wanna risk my mom catching us?”

“Kinda…”

Sakura rolled up her magazine and playfully tapped his head with it. “Poor affection-starved little pervert.”

“…So?”

Sakura rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help but laugh. “You have such a cute face. I guess we could makeout…just a little.”

Ryouko stared at her blankly, though he had turned several shades of red. Sakura put a hand on each of his cheeks and moved in to kiss him. That lasted pleasantly for about thirty seconds.

BAM!

“WHAT?! YOU’RE DEAD, BOY!”

Mrs. Haruno was back, toting her broom.

“Aw snap…” Ryouko moaned. Still worth it! Ryouko thought. He gave Sakura a genuine smile. Then he turned his head so his teeth didn’t get smacked by the broom-wielder nag currently upsetting Ryouko and Sakura’s special moments.

Not married yet and I already hate the mother-in-law!

--


BONUS: SCRAPPED CONTENT!

The entire story was goofy, but some of my thoughts were just too out there…


Sakura dragged a box up into her room. Ryouko had been sitting on the floor, waiting for her to come back. Then Sakura dropped the box in front of him.

“Here ya go! You can sleep in there, okay? When you get bigger, we’ll build you a pen so you can run and play, okay?”

-

Mrs. Haruno hit a homerun. Ryouko sailed out the window. Amazingly, he survived the impact.

My boyfriend is indestructible…lucky for him ^^’

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