Chapter 56 - Arc VIII: Death of the Flesh- Chapter 6

Yuji’s friendly match with Shoki turned sour quickly. Yuji sensed the chakra first. It was Jiraiya. Before Yuji could even spin around to warn Jiraiya off, he found the sannin with his hands raised, approaching peacefully, with a meaningful look on his face.

“We need to talk.”

Yuji strode forward, his hand covered in a chakra scalpel. He was definitely on edge and dangerous.
“We tried that. It didn’t work well.”

“I know,” Jiraiya said calmly, before his tone turned a little more firm. “But this is different.”

Yuji kept walking forward, warding Jiraiya off. Jiraiya could have handled Yuji easily enough (he thought, anyway. What kind of power the kid had gained wasn’t something that was evident to him right now), but Yuji’s help was essential. Even if it meant beating Yuji down…or even letting him win. There was more at stake here than Yuji could fathom.

“Look, I made a mistake. I didn’t treat you right, and I’m sorry. I tried to do it for Naruto’s sake. I went too far, and he won’t hear me out.”

Yuji’s expression softened a bit, but he didn’t release his Chakra Scalpel just yet.
“Go on…”

“He needs to learn a new level of jutsu. The problem is, he’d be separated from Sakura for at least a month. He didn’t like that, so I tried to put the idea in his head that your influence on him was making him weak.”

Yuji’s mouth moved, but no sound came out. It was as if he tasting Jiraiya’s words. His face stiffened, as though he was about to be more stubborn. Jiraiya decided to keep pushing. There was too much to lose…

“I was wrong there, too. Those two both rebelled at that, swearing up and down that you were the best thing for them. And they might be right. Which is why I’m asking- no, I’m BEGGING- I’m begging you to tell Naruto to go through with the training.”

Yuji stopped his slow advance, finally letting his Chakra Scalpel fade.
“This is the truth?”

“I wouldn’t have come otherwise. I planned to keep egging you on to get stronger. That won’t happen now…that’s why I really am sorry for the things I said to you. It didn’t seem like I had a choice.”

Yuji could hear the sincerity in Jiraiya’s voice, and he decided to believe him. But he couldn’t let him off that easy.
“In six months, my exile will end. Leave Naruto and Sakura be until then. Rather, let me help them indirectly. Let everyone involved cool off. At the end of six months, I will return and persuade Naruto to go along with your training. And then I’ll spend time with Sakura, and hopefully train her AND kill her loneliness. I’ll see to it that the six months aren’t wasted.”

Sitting down and biting his thumb, Yuji opened a scroll. He ran his thumb down it, then pressed his palm to the ground. There was a puff of smoke that was typical when summoning creatures.
When the smoke cleared, Yuji saw that he had summoned a bird. It was a good size, with a wingspan that would make flying a cinch.

Yuji wrote a quick letter, then offered it to the bird. It obediently stuck out it’s right leg, allowing Yuji to tie the letter into place. He stepped back to let it fly off, but it held still, now raising it’s other leg. A small leather pouch was tied to the leg, and a note was sticking out of it. Yuji opened the note and read it aloud (his eye twitched and a vein popped as he did):

“’500 Ryo to use‘…damn her. I should’ve known. Azami doesn’t do anything for free…”
--

Jiraiya waited patiently in the moonlight, sipping chilled sake and thinking. Life had been unfair and difficult for so many people. How could peace ever be achieved? Privately, he placed his bets on Naruto. Hyperactive, knuckleheaded- and everything the shinobi world needed. A spark of genius. And should he and Sakura wind up together, so much the better.

For him, anyway. But does he have to be a sacrifice? For Naruto to be complete, must Yuji be destroyed? He’s a bit player in this; yet he’s been dealt a pivotal role.

As if summoned by those words, the gaunt young form of Yuji strode into the small stand. It seemed as if he had donned a new uniform. It had been a long time since he’d worn shinobi attire. For his exile, at least, he’d changed entirely.

Full-fingered black gloves adorned his hands. Around one wrist were prayer beads- solid stone. On his feet were black boots, as opposed to his normal black sandals. Black pants; a charcoal gray shirt, and a black trench coat finished the look, save for one more touch around his neck- a pendant with a tooth of some kind of animal. Clearly, there was also a sword on Yuji’s back; his coat didn’t entirely conceal the bulge left by the weapon.

Clunk.

In plain sight, Yuji laid a sword down on the table. Jiraiya decided that this would be a good object to open their conversation. He also supposed he was to take it as a warning to keep in line. If that’s how they were going to play, fine.

“Wakizashi?” he said, reaching for it. Yuji’s hand snapped across it, blocking Jiraiya’s.

“Kodachi,” the younger man replied, not withdrawing his hand. Jiraiya guessed that, at this point, it would be up to him to be the polite one. Dealing with this new, on-edge Yuji was going to be hard.

It’s only been two weeks since this exile began, but he’s changed so much. If not for his eyes, he’d look healthier.

That was true; Yuji was in better shape than before. Even with the coat hiding his frame, Yuji was more muscular. Any fat he had before, which wasn’t much, had been morphed into muscle. To look at him, you could tell he was in peak condition. All but his eyes; they were dead, despite the respite from one part of his personal hell.

“I’ve dealt with my Sakura issue,” Yuji began, not waiting for any further prompt. “It wasn’t hard. I promised Naruto I would not chase her. So I won’t. More to the point, I’ve spent the last two weeks largely in mediation. My mind is centered and focused. My body has begun to mend.”
Pausing a beat, Yuji met Jiraiya’s gaze with a stare of his own. It was a hard, mirthless gaze. It almost made Jiraiya shiver- Yuji suddenly looked more like a villain than the good guy Jiraiya knew he was.

“I’m glad to hear you’re better. The fact is, that’s what I was hoping to hear. Since we’ve last talked, I’ve come to the conclusion that I owe you an apology and a debt.”

Yuji had a cup of sake in front of him, but made no move to consume it. He held an unlit cigarette in his hand, waiting for Jiraiya to continue. When Jiraiya seemed to stop, Yuji piped up:
“Apology? Debt? What account do you possibly owe me?”

Jiraiya gulped down the lest dregs of sake and intimidation both. “The apology- I said some things to you that you didn’t deserve to hear. When we fought, I had no right to humiliate you like that- not when I asked for a match and you granted my request honorably. Instead of letting you learn from the match, I drove you into a corner and into more solitary training. Even if it was the right thing to do, I could have done things differently. And when I’ve insulted you, please understand- I didn’t mean it. We have one common goal- Naruto’s growth. And that was why I insulted you- someone he identifies with. It forced him to work harder, too.”

Yuji didn’t even blink nor say anything to accept the apology.
“And the debt?”

“The debt…that’s a little harder to repay. I doubt you were even aware of it, but you’re a bit player in this fight who has taken on a surprising role. You’re the lynch pin for Naruto and Sakura; AND you’re the bridge connecting Shoki with our salvation.”

“I won’t use him as a weapon.”

The sheer venom in Yuji’s voice made Jiraiya’s blood run cold. There were shades of malice in there, combining with the protection of an ‘older brother’.

“I’ve told Shoki that only he will decide his fate. Not me- not you- not anyone. If he chooses to be a weapon, then I will see him alive at the end of the affair, whatever the cost may be. My honor, my life- no matter.”

“He’s our best weapon against the other eye types! You can’t mean that you would stop him from fighting!” Jiraiya exclaimed, taking care to keep his voice down.

“No. I have no objection to his fighting,” Yuji said bluntly, eyes narrowed. “But when he fights, it will be of his own accord. I will allow no one to hot-drop him into a battlefield and demand that he both bear witness to and effectively cause the execution of someone else- no matter their crimes. A twelve year old boy should not suffer that way. This war that our generations have started holds no place for him.”

“What if it saves lives? Hundreds? Thousands? Millions?!” Jiraiya’s fist hit the small table with a loud thud. “At what point do you decide that it’s okay for him to join the fight?”

“I don’t. He does.”

“And you leaving the choice up to a twelve year old is any more sane than involving him in the first place?!”

“He isn’t Naruto!” Yuji yelled, his fist now smacking the beleaguered table. “This is a sheltered boy! He’s lived for the best part of his life on temple grounds, receiving training as a monk and only recently as a warrior! He’s never interacted with others; never formed social bonds-”

“And did that stop you?” Jiraiya asked quietly. His eyes bored into Yuji’s eyes. Yuji’s eyes were still unreadable, but Jiraiya’s eyes danced with passion. “You see yourself in him, so you’re protecting him. He’s your legacy…the same way the Fourth Hokage and Naruto are my legacies.”

That took the wind out of Yuji’s sails quickly. He sat down with a thud, a hand rubbing his tired brow.
“So I’ve coddled him… I’ve made the situation worse…I swore I wouldn’t let him get too close to me…”

Jiraiya put a bracing hand on Yuji’s shoulder. By touch, he could feel the burdens the young man was carrying. It was astonishing to think someone would voluntarily carry such weight.

“You aren’t alone anymore, and you’re not a naïve kid. You’re a warrior who a great many people have come to respect and depend on. The Third Hokage said that you would be a pillar of strength for the Leaf Village. Even if the rest of his prophecy is wrong, that much is truth. Your duty to Naruto and Sakura as a mentor may be done, but your duty to them as a friend is now paramount. If Naruto is to continue his training, he’ll need to know that Sakura is taken care of. And for that, he needs to trust you. He needs you to be her strength in his absence.”

Yuji sunk to his knees, the last bit of stoicism now falling away from him as tears flowed freely.
“WHY AM I BEING TORTURED LIKE THIS?!” he shouted, his throat and lungs hoarse from that yell. “To see someone else with the woman I love…to be forced to play lackey to them…to know that I’ll never be the strongest…it’s too much…too cruel.”

Jiraiya hauled Yuji up by his coat, setting him down on his feet. He pulled the boy into a gentle hug.
“Before you let the weight of these burdens crush you, remember that no one expects you to do this alone. Push everyone away if you want, but know they’ll push back to get to you even harder. Those are the kinds of people you’ve gotten close to.”

Letting go, Jiraiya contemplated Yuji, completely seeing the scared boy that Yuji hid so desperately. He looked out of place, with all his weapons and dark clothes. Could he have felt out of place, too?
“Shoki and Miko are counting on you right now. Your duty is to them. Put everything else out of your mind.”

Yuji wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, forcing himself to take a few shallow breaths before he gulped in air.
“shoot…an emotional outburst…”

“Which you needed,” Jiraiya told him firmly. “No man is an island. Not even you, Yuji. Now, get that stoic mask back on and get back to work. That’s the only way to beat these demons you’ve got.”

Yuji wiped his eyes and nose, more ashamed than ever. Privately, he wondered if Jiraiya was right. But that was an extreme statement. No man had ever been an island? Maybe that was his calling? It would sure as hell hurt less.

“I…should be alone. Both girls I’ve fallen in love with don’t have room for me in that regard. Maybe my shinobi way should include abstinence from any relationship, save for business.”

Jiraiya decided now was a good time to pass on a pearl of wisdom. “Yuji, men are built to accept; no, grow, from being turned down. Happiness isn’t for us. We strive to make women happy; we strive to make our friends happy. You think your position on ‘there is no room for me in my philosophy’ is unique. But you’re wrong. It’s not unique. If it WAS, then more people would be happy, and maybe we’d see the world peace I dream of.”

“So you’re asking me if I have the guts to make myself happy?”

It was a point-blank, blunt, uncomfortable question. But it was the one Jiraiya had hoped he’d ask.

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