Chapter 81 - Arc XII: Devastated- Chapter 2

Yuji woke up, feeling strangely calm. He knew he had been in mortal danger, and had been saved. Maybe it was leftover feelings of light headedness from nearly drowning, but Yuji couldn’t panic.

He sat up, and immediately clasped a hand to his head. He realized why things seemed so empty.

I failed.

The room was large and white, with sliding doors that opened onto a deck with a beautiful view of the water. And today was a gorgeous day, too. Yuji could hear the sound of the water licking the shore, and the sound of various birds making their chirping sounds. Fishermen shouted to each other, laughing and cursing here and there. It was such normalcy as to be disconcerting to someone so used to abnormal.

Yuji left his arm over his face, replaying the battle. He hadn’t even done anything when he was overpowered. Where did all his training go? All his effort? All his sacrifice?

His hand gripped the bed sheet so tight his knuckles whitened. Hot, wet tears streamed down his face, falling forlornly onto his cheek. How could he be so weak? How could his failure have been so perfect?

It only got worse from there. Yuji realized that Azami was standing in the door, staying quiet. She had seen him break. What could have been worse than your semi-ex seeing you in the worst possible state?

His eyes still tearing, Yuji dove out the open window onto the deck. He leapt and took off, his wings unfurling as he flew. He could hear Azami call him, but he didn’t answer. Instead, he flew higher and farther.

All the stress, all the anguish- it all hit him at once with the force of a tidal wave, that high in the air. There was only one place to go when sobbing wasn’t enough; when your despair was so total that to look in any direction was to look into an endless darkness. When you had no escape except to leap into the darkness just to avoid the worst of what remained in the light.

Yuji tucked his arms tight to his body and then cut his chakra off. His wings disappeared in a brilliant flash, and he began to fall head-first toward the water. He fell faster and faster, his tears flying upward. He had been driven into a corner with no tangible enemy to lash out at. Well, except one- himself.

Yuji let himself plummet head-first, not knowing whether or not the water was deep enough to land safely in. And he didn’t care. Rather, he hoped it was shallow. It would end quicker that way.

His last thought as his head hit the water was an apology to all the people he had let down. His parents, Azami, Sakura-Ojousama, Naruto-dono, and Shiroko.

Sayonara.

He closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.
--

Azami dove into the water, heedless of her own safety. Kojiro joined her almost immediately, shouting for Sakura and Naruto. All of them swam like their lives depended on it. Every second counted with Yuji now.

To think he’d attempt suicide! Damn it, I didn’t know how badly I’d hurt him!
Azami’s tears fell unchecked. The amount of guilt she felt was beyond what she expected.

Naruto began to swim. He turned back to Sakura, calling for her to stay back. Yuji would need medical help, and there was little she could do while he was in the drink. Sakura fought the notion for a moment, but ultimately had to agree.

I’m always waiting! I can never be at the front! Maybe that’s not my job, since I’m a medic! But still! Damn it!
Sakura clenched her fist and closed her eyes tight, trying to hold in the tears.
Why is it I can never do anything?
-

Kojiro reached Yuji first. He felt for a pulse, finding a very faint one. Yuji had impacted the water hard enough to knock himself out. He had some cracked vertebrae, but had not completely broken his neck.

He had gotten lucky.

Naruto hefted Yuji and ran back across the water. He set Yuji down at Sakura’s feet. She immediately knelt down and began to work. The site of Yuji’s inert body; the feel of his dead weight; the lack of life and vitality. It was death disguised as life. It made Sakura despair terribly.

No!

Sakura felt Yuji’s neck, here eyes widening.

No!

She put her head to his heart. There was no sound. She began to pound on his chest. How could he crash so quickly?!

No!

She forced Yuji’s mouth open and breathed into it. She had to get him breathing on his own! She had to make his heart beat!

No!

It had been nearly a minute now. Yuji was dead. But he still had some minimal amount of brain activity. If she could just keep that up, then…

It hit her. There WAS a way. But to do it…

“I need to get him into his genjutsu! But if I force myself into his mind…he might go into shock…”

There was no choice. If she didn’t do it now, Yuji was dead anyway. She had to roll the dice.
--
--
Genjutsu
Yuji automatically tried to form his genjutsu as he hurtled toward the water. It would protect him from feeling the physical harm his body was about to endure. That set it apart from other genjutsu, making it both more comforting and more dangerous.

In here, he could reflect with a clear mind. Most of the time. However, this time, his world didn’t form properly. Instead, he was staring at a wasteland of black. There were the gently rolling hills, but there was no green grass. It looked like his world had been paved over. The normally cool, pleasant breeze was replaced with blasts of hot air that tossed Yuji’s hair. Occasionally, there would be a burst of fire in the distance, as if a bird had spontaneously combusted.

It looked like hell.

I must be feeling guilty over what I did. I never thought about suicide before. But Azami seeing me in that moment of weakness… Right after that humiliating defeat…It was too much.

Yuji wondered if he was dying, or if he was dead. Had he survived the fall, somehow? That would be the worst. Failing at dying…

“Well, look at you now!” came a sneering voice. Yuji didn’t even turn around. He knew who it was. The only person who could join him in this genjutsu without him noticing- himself. Rather, the self he defeated to earn the Ten no Kishootsu abilities.
“Who would have thought you were in control. All that splendid power, and what did you do with it?”

Yuji felt a sword pierce his back. It didn’t hurt in this world, but it was disconcerting. But what was there to worry about? His body was dying, so how far behind could his mind be?

The sword was withdrawn violently. There was no wound.

“You really have given up, haven’t you?” came the sneering voice again.

“I suppose I have. What of it? You’re dying, too,” Yuji shot back, managing to add just a bit of acid to his voice. Really, though, that little bit of emotion was about all he could muster.

Click. A thick collar snapped around Yuji’s neck. Similarly, chains appeared on his wrists and ankles. They began to pull until they were taught. Yuji’s body was pulled into an ‘X’ shape, his wrists and ankles pulled outward in opposite directions. His other self appeared in front of him, smirking.

“You aren’t dying. The girl saved your life. You’re just denying your right to exist. Which is fine by me. It just means that you are now in the position I was in.”

His other self stripped off Yuji’s clothes, leaving him naked. Completely exposed. Still no reaction.

“If I kill you, I get your power. Is that what you want?”

Yuji didn’t move or protest. So his other self drew back his sword for a finishing blow.

WHACK!

Sakura’s powerful fist knocked Yuji’s other self flying. She stopped in front of Yuji, looking at him. He hardly reacted to her presence.

“Oh, Yuji. I knew how painful this was for you. But I never could figure out what I could do to help. And now that I can do something…”

Cuts began to appear on Yuji’s body. His hellish world was attacking him with invisible strikes, drawing blood even as the cut healed behind it. There was no time even to die completely. It would have been maddening, had Yuji been thinking.

Cradling his head, Sakura forced him to face her. Her gaze bored into him, but for once there was no reaction. No blushing, no sign of deference, no attempt at communication. Nothing.
“It isn’t over, Yuji. Don’t give up. None of us have. None of us ever will. If you wanted to die, you could have picked an easier way.”

Sakura reached out and hugged Yuji gently, concealing her tears from him.

“No…you wanted to give yourself a chance to survive. Or maybe even time to think. But no matter what, you aren’t ready to die. I won’t let you die. Not like this. Not here.”

Yuji favored her with a gaze. He was already hollow and gaunt. More cuts appeared on his body, healing and then opening up again. It make Sakura wince, but she didn’t look away.

I can’t look away. That would belittle his suffering. If he could take this for two years, I can handle it for two minutes!

“I’ll be back for you. So don’t die. That’s an order from Ojousama! You-are-not-allowed-to-die!”

Sakura exited the genjutsu, hoping she’d gotten through to him.
--

Yuji looked around, a faint glimmer of something in his chest keeping him alive. Death had never been this close, though it was a constant companion at the best of times. It was interesting how his subconscious was showing this disruption. Even being clinically dead, Yuji could appreciate his subconscious mind’s flair for the dramatic.

If Yuji stretched out his hand, he could have touched a large obsidian cross.

His grave marker.

He tugged at his hands experimentally, finding that the chains were attached to a white cross farther back. He had a good amount of slack on the chains to move backward.

So at one end I’m born, and at the other I die. What if I go back toward the white cross? What if that was possible? To fix all this…

A smile crossed Yuji’s battered face, looking so out of place as to be insane. With one eye swollen shut, and thick black rings around the other, the smile stood out even more. A ridiculously hopeful expression in the face of such despair.

Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Even to dream about it…why not? It’ll pass the time. If I could do it all again…

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