Hidden Sparks (A Naruto Fanfic)
Submitted June 26, 2007 Updated August 12, 2010 Status Incomplete | A story about the Hidden Sparks team! Dont be scared of the # of chaps!!! Most of them are Super Short! So really, its like there is 20-24 chapters!!!! The ratings are just to be safe, its better to be too high with them than too low ^_^ ~JJ
Category:
Anime/Manga » Naruto series » Fan Characters (OC's) |
Chapters
Chapters
Chapter 1 - The New Team 7
Submitted: June 26, 2007 • Updated: May 29, 2008
Word count: 271 • Size: 1k • Comments: 13 • views: 411
Chapter 2 - Ding Aling
Submitted: June 26, 2007 • Updated: May 29, 2008
Word count: 641 • Size: 3k • Comments: 7 • views: 376
Chapter 3 - Team 7 Tournament part 1
Submitted: June 28, 2007 • Updated: June 28, 2007
Word count: 716 • Size: 4k • Comments: 7 • views: 245
Chapter 4 - Team 7 Tournament part 2
Submitted: July 12, 2007 • Updated: July 12, 2007
Word count: 500 • Size: 3k • Comments: 6 • views: 276
Chapter 5 - C-rank disappointment
Submitted: July 19, 2007 • Updated: July 19, 2007
Word count: 337 • Size: 1k • Comments: 6 • views: 217
Chapter 6 - A Bad Demon Brings Love
Submitted: July 22, 2007 • Updated: July 22, 2007
Word count: 365 • Size: 2k • Comments: 4 • views: 276
Chapter 7 - Gennin-napped
Submitted: July 28, 2007 • Updated: July 28, 2007
Word count: 283 • Size: 1k • Comments: 5 • views: 220
Chapter 8 - The Attempt to Escape
Submitted: July 30, 2007 • Updated: July 30, 2007
Word count: 251 • Size: 1k • Comments: 4 • views: 263
Chapter 9 - The Two Human Obstacles
Submitted: July 31, 2007 • Updated: July 31, 2007
Word count: 236 • Size: 1k • Comments: 4 • views: 226
Chapter 10 - Quick Note (not part of the story)
Submitted: July 31, 2007 • Updated: July 31, 2007
Word count: 37 • Size: <1k • Comments: 0 • views: 207
Chapter 11 - Shadow Clone Comet Lotus
Submitted: August 20, 2007 • Updated: August 20, 2007
Word count: 635 • Size: 3k • Comments: 4 • views: 288
Chapter 12 - The Demon of the Mist
Submitted: August 21, 2007 • Updated: August 21, 2007
Word count: 613 • Size: 3k • Comments: 4 • views: 282
Chapter 13 - Inside the Cage
Submitted: August 24, 2007 • Updated: August 24, 2007
Word count: 202 • Size: 1k • Comments: 3 • views: 201
Chapter 14 - Mew vs. Tenno- Sensei's Blood Line Trait!
Submitted: August 29, 2007 • Updated: August 29, 2007
Word count: 784 • Size: 4k • Comments: 5 • views: 336
Chapter 15 - Recap (MUST READ THE LAST PARAGRAPH!!!)
Submitted: August 30, 2007 • Updated: August 30, 2007
Word count: 407 • Size: 2k • Comments: 5 • views: 232
Chapter 16 - A New Life
Submitted: September 12, 2007 • Updated: September 12, 2007
Word count: 711 • Size: 4k • Comments: 6 • views: 263
Chapter 17 - Walk Into Random Peoples Houses Day
Submitted: September 18, 2007 • Updated: September 18, 2007
Word count: 495 • Size: 2k • Comments: 4 • views: 194
Chapter 18 - 3:00 A.M. 2nd Attempt
Submitted: September 19, 2007 • Updated: September 19, 2007
Word count: 286 • Size: 1k • Comments: 6 • views: 212
Chapter 19 - Dan's 1st Exam
Submitted: October 3, 2007 • Updated: October 4, 2007
Word count: 735 • Size: 4k • Comments: 5 • views: 235
Chapter 20 - Should I or Should I not?: Its Now or Never!
Submitted: October 17, 2007 • Updated: October 18, 2007
Word count: 434 • Size: 2k • Comments: 11 • views: 223
Chapter 21 - Emo Corner
Submitted: October 28, 2007 • Updated: October 28, 2007
Word count: 213 • Size: 1k • Comments: 3 • views: 259
Chapter 22 - Binded and Blinded: Pass The Obstacle Course
Submitted: October 28, 2007 • Updated: October 28, 2007
Word count: 381 • Size: 2k • Comments: 4 • views: 214
Chapter 23 - Don't Die
Submitted: October 29, 2007 • Updated: October 29, 2007
Word count: 298 • Size: 1k • Comments: 6 • views: 205
Chapter 24 - Zeus and Ares
Submitted: December 8, 2007 • Updated: December 8, 2007
Word count: 309 • Size: 1k • Comments: 6 • views: 206
Chapter 25 - Note: This isnt a real cahpter but still...read it
Submitted: December 9, 2007 • Updated: December 9, 2007
Word count: 94 • Size: <1k • Comments: 5 • views: 193
Chapter 26 - Quizyish thing for readers
Submitted: December 23, 2007 • Updated: December 24, 2007
Word count: 38 • Size: <1k • Comments: 5 • views: 185
Chapter 27 - Winnie's New Jutsu
Submitted: December 31, 2007 • Updated: December 31, 2007
Word count: 196 • Size: 1k • Comments: 1 • views: 225
Chapter 28 - The Best Way To Start a New Year...Or is It?
Submitted: January 1, 2008 • Updated: January 1, 2008
Word count: 490 • Size: 2k • Comments: 2 • views: 208
Chapter 29 - A 3rd Uchiha!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Submitted: February 10, 2008 • Updated: February 26, 2008
Word count: 430 • Size: 2k • Comments: 3 • views: 214
Chapter 30 - I Feel bad for the Man TT___TT
Submitted: February 11, 2008 • Updated: February 11, 2008
Word count: 715 • Size: 3k • Comments: 3 • views: 202
Chapter 31 - Ryo's past pt 1
Submitted: February 12, 2008 • Updated: February 12, 2008
Word count: 553 • Size: 2k • Comments: 3 • views: 210
Chapter 32 - Ryo's Past pt 2
Submitted: February 22, 2008 • Updated: February 22, 2008
Word count: 599 • Size: 3k • Comments: 4 • views: 186
Chapter 33 - An Offer
Submitted: February 22, 2008 • Updated: February 22, 2008
Word count: 453 • Size: 2k • Comments: 1 • views: 217
Chapter 34 - A Completed Day
Submitted: February 22, 2008 • Updated: February 22, 2008
Word count: 628 • Size: 3k • Comments: 2 • views: 201
Chapter 35 - 1 More day til decision
Submitted: April 23, 2008 • Updated: April 23, 2008
Word count: 311 • Size: 1k • Comments: 2 • views: 187
Chapter 36 - 1 Minute
Submitted: April 25, 2008 • Updated: April 25, 2008
Word count: 642 • Size: 3k • Comments: 2 • views: 201
Chapter 37 - The Decision
Submitted: May 11, 2008 • Updated: May 11, 2008
Word count: 530 • Size: 2k • Comments: 5 • views: 181
Chapter 38 - The Decision pt 2 - The "Help"
Submitted: May 27, 2008 • Updated: May 27, 2008
Word count: 448 • Size: 2k • Comments: 2 • views: 156
Chapter 39 - Deidara vs Dan! pt 1
Submitted: May 28, 2008 • Updated: May 28, 2008
Word count: 434 • Size: 2k • Comments: 3 • views: 217
Chapter 40 - The Two-Way Conflicts
Submitted: September 29, 2008 • Updated: September 30, 2008
Word count: 840 • Size: 4k • Comments: 1 • views: 169
Chapter 41 - Werewolf Hunters: Jamal, Ryo, and Nova
Submitted: October 16, 2008 • Updated: August 12, 2010
Word count: 389 • Size: 2k • Comments: 1 • views: 288
Comments
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Symphoniaprincess101 on April 4, 2009, 12:16:47 PM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 41)
oh wow.Symphoniaprincess101 on April 4, 2009, 12:13:51 PM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 40)
then be amazed at me was so boardSymphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:51:42 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 39)
LOLSymphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:49:03 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 38)
WAT THE CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Symphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:44:17 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 37)
oh god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!O_OSymphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:41:53 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 36)
oh god...O_OSymphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:38:32 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 35)
oh boy...Symphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:37:25 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 34)
... AKEWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!O_oSymphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:32:35 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 33)
Nice Kiari nee-chanSymphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:26:19 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 32)
HaHa Ryo LOLSymphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:23:31 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 31)
wow O_OSymphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:18:49 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 30)
...Symphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:15:23 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 29)
oh boy.Symphoniaprincess101 on June 27, 2008, 10:12:35 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 28)
O M F G that was oddItachi777 on June 12, 2008, 8:29:26 AM
Itachi777 on (Chapter: 39)
hehe lol bird poop...Itachi777 on June 12, 2008, 8:25:28 AM
Itachi777 on (Chapter: 38)
OMG!!!!!!Itachi777 on June 12, 2008, 8:22:55 AM
Itachi777 on (Chapter: 37)
DAMN U CLIFFFFYYYYY!!!winxgirl21 on May 12, 2008, 7:32:36 AM
winxgirl21 on (Chapter: 37)
Cliffie! XD Great chapter. So much death over 3 people. I can't wait to see what happens! =)Konohasdarkshadow on May 12, 2008, 11:20:45 AM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 37)
4 people...i am probably going to update soonwinxgirl21 on May 13, 2008, 6:31:19 AM
winxgirl21 on (Chapter: index)
sorry bout that, lol. well, I'll be waiting for it. =)winxgirl21 on April 26, 2008, 3:03:58 AM
winxgirl21 on (Chapter: 36)
suspense! Update soon! =)winxgirl21 on April 26, 2008, 2:57:53 AM
winxgirl21 on (Chapter: 35)
uh-oh. i hope they make good decisions...winxgirl21 on April 12, 2008, 3:12:06 AM
winxgirl21 on (Chapter: 34)
lol. niice. XD great chapter. =)SunaNoFara on March 28, 2008, 11:03:14 AM
SunaNoFara on (Chapter: 1)
Hm, it's a nice start, but it lacks a lot of detail. Â
First of all, instead of putting breaks in between each scene like you did "In the Classroom" at the top, you could describe the time of day, the weather, who was in the classroom, what they were doing, and so on along with telling the reader that they were in a classroom--but be sure to say what kind of classroom it is (the Ninja Academy, in this case). It doesn't create any real visual in the readers mind with just "classroom". And it's the same thing with the very first sentence:
Â
"The teacher was calling out teams and then Celine and Jamal bursted through the doors "
Â
What was the teacher's expression? Who was the teacher? How was s/he calling out the names? Was the teacher calling names at all (it says "calling out teams)? What was s/he wearing? Was the teacher a man or a woman? You left all these questions that help give the reader an idea of what you saw when you wrote this story unanswered. Of course, not all of these questions' answers are needed, but there are more, and some detail needs to be added that doesn't really have to do with the teacher, but the students in the classroom that were listening to him/her (Were some of them not even paying attention?).Â
Â
Moving onto the next part of the sentence. First of all, "bursted" isn't a real word (just to let you know). The reader might be able to see Jamal and Celine burst through the doors panting or whatnot -- but was that your intention? Did you see the two "burst" through the doors happily, or frantically or something different from what I saw? Describe and show us what you saw in your mind when you were writing this. Quoting many English teachers (I am sure), "Show, don't tell."
Â
On to punctuation: I see that you added a lot of question marks and exclaimation points to the end of Jamal's first spoken sentence in the story. Going along with details, I'd suggest only adding a couple of "?" and "!" to the end of dialogue sentences with a lot of emotion in them. Just "show" us what/how his expression or tone of voice did/changed during the end or beginning or middle of that sentence. Sentences with just punctuation at the end doesn't give a visual of what is really going on inside the character's head. I also noticed that there are no clear endings to the end of your sentences (well, the end of the paragraph is clear, but not the sentences.) You have no periods or cammas or any other type of punctuation besides the question marks and the exclaimation points. "..." does not END a sentence, it shows a pause, but cannot be put in the place a comma all the time. Utilizing correct punctuation will help the reader understand exactly how you want your sentences to sound.Â
Â
Your story really does have a good plot so far. It's just detail and  punctuation that are the main problems. I'm sorry if I seem a little harsh, but that the way it is. ^^'
Â
 -- Faramae
SunaNoFara on March 28, 2008, 11:04:00 AM
SunaNoFara on (Chapter: 1)
Ugh, I hate it when it puts all those weird "A"'s and makes it hard to read -_-'winxgirl21 on March 21, 2008, 1:42:48 AM
winxgirl21 on (Chapter: 3)
Celine won! lol. Awesome fighting scene.winxgirl21 on March 21, 2008, 1:38:04 AM
winxgirl21 on (Chapter: 2)
Awesome chapter. =) Teamwork is very important.and now they get to celebrate!winxgirl21 on March 8, 2008, 8:55:12 AM
winxgirl21 on (Chapter: 1)
Sounds like this is going to be good. =)kogalover2013 on March 7, 2008, 7:42:09 AM
kogalover2013 on (Chapter: 4)
coo but y dose s/he use rassingan dats narutosKonohasdarkshadow on March 7, 2008, 4:28:04 PM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 4)
rasengan is a jutsu...ANYONE CAN LEARN IT!!!! ^_^...seeKonohasdarkshadow on March 7, 2008, 4:29:06 PM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: index)
i was going to do an explanation on jutsu and stuff...but im too lazy...i will leave that stuff to sakurakogalover2013 on March 8, 2008, 8:00:19 AM
kogalover2013 on (Chapter: index)
lol o kogalover2013 on March 7, 2008, 7:49:06 AM
kogalover2013 on (Chapter: 5)
coo but da a rank whould draw more attention lol kÂ
kogalover2013 on March 7, 2008, 7:31:41 AM
kogalover2013 on (Chapter: 3)
coo chapp i like da fight good twist 2Â
kogalover2013 on March 7, 2008, 7:25:37 AM
kogalover2013 on (Chapter: 2)
coo coo like how they worked 2gether not like narutokogalover2013 on March 4, 2008, 1:18:19 PM
kogalover2013 on (Chapter: 1)
coo sounds good i like u made da teams biggerrlkitten on March 3, 2008, 1:59:40 PM
rlkitten on (Chapter: 2)
It seemed to go rather quickly. More detail will help keep readers hooked. For instance,Â
"This sucks...Sis dont be stupid...you know you cant beat her!" Jamal whispered and then he saw a truly shocking sight!...Nova snuck up behind Mew and got a bell! "What the-" Jamal said
Â
How did she get the bell?
Â
edited slightly:
"This sucks,...Sis don't be stupid...you know you cant beat her!" Jamal whispered and then saw a truly shocking sight! Nova was silently creeping behind Mew and with one swift movement of her hand, snatched a bell! Simple as that! "What the-" Jamal stammered.
Â
Words like "stammered" and "whispered" (which you already used >_o) help describe a lot. Use them when you can, but not too much or a reader may become too overwhelmed with trying to cram it all into their brain.
rlkitten on March 3, 2008, 1:51:59 PM
rlkitten on (Chapter: 1)
It's nice, though the use of "zsdt...easdrtet...sderesrt..." is a little...er...misused. The very last paragraph, I noticed, is all one sentence, only seperated by "..."s and stuff. Maybe breaking them into separate sentences?mew54 on February 26, 2008, 11:00:21 AM
mew54 on (Chapter: index)
Comment Deleted
Itachi777 on February 23, 2008, 1:15:58 AM
Itachi777 on (Chapter: 32)
ha hamew54 on February 23, 2008, 12:04:55 AM
mew54 on (Chapter: index)
Comment Deleted
Konohasdarkshadow on February 22, 2008, 11:49:09 AM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 32)
AAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!! MY GOAL WAS 600 WORDS!!!!!! THATS SSSSOOOOO NOT FAIR!!!! (if you cannot see....this chapter was excatly 599 words) THAT IS SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMEEEEAAAAAANNNNNN!!!~Jamal
Konohasdarkshadow on February 22, 2008, 2:12:47 PM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 32)
its messed upItachi777 on February 22, 2008, 9:20:14 AM
Itachi777 on (Chapter: index)
ur welcomeKonohasdarkshadow on February 21, 2008, 10:40:04 AM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: index)
MORE THAN 1050 VIEWS!!!! THANK YOU ALL OF YOU VIEWERS!!!!Itachi777 on February 15, 2008, 9:14:20 PM
Itachi777 on (Chapter: 31)
Yeah i am ........ i mean he isItachi777 on February 15, 2008, 9:10:15 PM
Itachi777 on (Chapter: 30)
Hell YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!moog1895 on February 13, 2008, 3:47:41 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 31)
O_O Gawrsh! Ryo-kuns a genious!!!!moog1895 on February 12, 2008, 2:40:43 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 30)
^_^ Awww!!! your me prince charming!Yep im ok with it!
Itachi777 on February 11, 2008, 6:41:23 AM
Itachi777 on (Chapter: 29)
Finally!!!!!!!!!moog1895 on February 11, 2008, 3:33:42 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 29)
^_^ Aaaaawww!!!! Thats so cute! T_T Nasty dream? MeanItachi777 on January 5, 2008, 2:58:24 PM
Itachi777 on (Chapter: 20)
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!moog1895 on January 1, 2008, 5:02:04 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 28)
:D >/////< omfg Jamster..... Ahhh! >////<moog1895 on January 1, 2008, 4:59:38 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 27)
:D YAAAY!!!! GO WINNIE!Konohasdarkshadow on December 31, 2007, 2:56:02 PM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: index)
ok there was only 2 votes before christmas so its gonna be the easy way...but dont be too dissapointed becuase the "moment" is happening!~Jamal
Symphoniaprincess101 on December 27, 2007, 1:05:44 PM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 26)
BIG FIGHT^^Symphoniaprincess101 on December 27, 2007, 1:04:53 PM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 25)
hurry with the "moment" all ready.Symphoniaprincess101 on December 27, 2007, 1:02:55 PM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 24)
ok it was funnymoog1895 on December 26, 2007, 12:57:46 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 26)
BIG FIGHTpizza24 on December 24, 2007, 8:24:25 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 26)
I vote BIG FIGHT!!nextguardian on December 23, 2007, 11:58:37 AM
nextguardian on (Chapter: 26)
BIG FIGHT!Konohasdarkshadow on December 23, 2007, 11:15:50 AM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 26)
to vote say BIG FIGHT or EASYNESSmoog1895 on December 10, 2007, 4:21:45 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 23)
Awww! Why did he tell her! I really was hoping shewould die.... LOL jkmoog1895 on December 10, 2007, 4:20:03 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 25)
O_O oipizza24 on December 9, 2007, 4:53:51 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 25)
lolz!pizza24 on December 9, 2007, 4:51:15 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 24)
woah this is awesome!rffraff05 on December 9, 2007, 4:42:58 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 25)
nice!rffraff05 on December 9, 2007, 4:42:22 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 24)
finally, thank you for updating!sasukeXsakuraforever on December 9, 2007, 12:30:54 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 25)
Hahaha!I like #5!! :D
*starts doing the soluja boi dance*
sasukeXsakuraforever on December 9, 2007, 12:27:55 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 24)
Awesomeness!...random, but it turned out sweet!GOOD LUCK WINNIE!!! *shouts from the stands* :D
nextguardian on December 8, 2007, 1:01:22 PM
nextguardian on (Chapter: 24)
Nice work, as always!Konohasdarkshadow on December 8, 2007, 10:10:07 PM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 24)
thanks^^pizza24 on November 4, 2007, 9:34:26 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 23)
Wow im being put through heck .nice jorb dudenextguardian on November 3, 2007, 12:09:00 PM
nextguardian on (Chapter: 23)
Good stuff!moog1895 on November 1, 2007, 11:56:55 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 22)
ahaha GO WINNIE!!Symphoniaprincess101 on October 30, 2007, 8:33:46 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 23)
again i'm with celine^^btw where's the kiss sceen between Nova and Jamal?*says that in a mischiviuos voice*Symphoniaprincess101 on October 30, 2007, 8:19:28 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 22)
i'm with celine^^YOU GO WINNIE!!!!!!!!^^Symphoniaprincess101 on October 30, 2007, 7:26:56 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 21)
lol "emo-ween" lol funny^0^sasukeXsakuraforever on October 30, 2007, 5:56:30 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 23)
YEEE-HAAA! You go Winnie! *holds up the #1 foam finger* YAHOO! nice writing Bro! Keep up the awesome work!..AND HAVE FUN AT THE MALL! :P
rffraff05 on October 29, 2007, 11:19:49 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 23)
Don't Die!rffraff05 on October 29, 2007, 7:38:34 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 22)
She'll never do it, im just too awesome!rffraff05 on October 29, 2007, 7:37:12 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 21)
i love the emo corner! that's completely amazing i love it, Don't worry winni i'll be there for emo-ween!sasukeXsakuraforever on October 29, 2007, 4:55:00 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 22)
GO WINNIE! *holds up a flag with winnie's face on it* WOOHOO! YOU SHOW DAN YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!Awesomeness, please hurry up and add the next chapter bro!
*puts a flashlight under my chin again* or bad things will happen,... little brother....BWAHAHAHA!
sasukeXsakuraforever on October 29, 2007, 4:51:21 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 21)
...HAHAHAHAH! ZOMG TOO FUNNY RIGHT THEIR!It took me a while, but I finally got it, lol. I'm a blonde, remember? heh.
It's alright Winnie *pats your back* I'll visit you in the emo corner every once in a while!^^
mew54 on October 26, 2007, 10:41:17 PM
mew54 on (Chapter: 20)
>:(.you do not put me in any story!Konohasdarkshadow on October 28, 2007, 1:51:32 PM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 20)
but you have to wait until the Winnie arc is finished...then i will try and do a Mew arcKonohasdarkshadow on October 26, 2007, 10:59:36 PM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 20)
sorry...ok the next couple of chaps i will try to have you in themSymphoniaprincess101 on October 24, 2007, 7:07:51 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 20)
i'm with sasukeXsakuraforever and AnimeAngel87^^AnimeAngel87 on October 23, 2007, 8:12:40 AM
AnimeAngel87 on (Chapter: 20)
SasukeXSakuerforever Quote^.^Shalalalala
My oh my
Looks like the boy's too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Shalalalala
Ain't that sad
it's such a shame
Too bad, you're gonna miss the girl
go on and kiss the girl
sasukeXsakuraforever on October 21, 2007, 3:32:17 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 20)
uh, YEAH YOU BETTER!There ya see her, sitting there across the way.
Boy ya gotta lot to say, but there's something about her.
She don't say a word, not a single word,
GO ON AND KISS THE GIRL!
*Mwa*
Konohasdarkshadow on October 20, 2007, 8:06:20 AM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: index)
ok...the votes are in and...the kiss is...gonna happen (of course)...ok even though i suck at this kind of stuff i will try my bestrffraff05 on October 19, 2007, 6:52:46 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 20)
is that even a question? YESSS!Symphoniaprincess101 on October 18, 2007, 8:31:01 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 20)
OMG!!!!!!!!!!^^Umm Let me see uh Yes,Yes,Yes and uh YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DO THE KISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*sqweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*^^ ^^ ^^ ^^pizza24 on October 18, 2007, 6:21:38 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 20)
OMG that was great and i vote ummm..... YESmoog1895 on October 18, 2007, 12:51:14 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 20)
T////T my eyesrffraff05 on October 17, 2007, 11:43:37 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 19)
YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!! i like how im in a mask, and i love how im so wonderfully cool!mew54 on October 7, 2007, 12:54:05 AM
mew54 on (Chapter: index)
am i in itSymphoniaprincess101 on October 6, 2007, 4:18:14 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 19)
wicked^^sasukeXsakuraforever on October 4, 2007, 4:59:01 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 19)
Gah! haha, I fell unconcious! ~_~ Lolz, I tend to do that alot lately don't I? LOL! This is funny, please continue!!pizza24 on October 3, 2007, 11:27:08 PM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 19)
AWESOME! nice job person! man i can't belive i missed that! LOL ok WEEEEE!!!! *waits till chapter*pizza24 on September 30, 2007, 8:31:32 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 18)
this is awesome!! i wish i was in it more.....^-^Symphoniaprincess101 on September 22, 2007, 7:44:42 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 18)
oh boy so close there Nova so close.ni9ce one^^Symphoniaprincess101 on September 22, 2007, 7:42:14 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 17)
oh awsomeness^^rffraff05 on September 20, 2007, 10:20:20 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 18)
see this is going to be harder! i can't update like you are, my chapters are longer!Konohasdarkshadow on September 20, 2007, 12:30:56 PM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 18)
fine...every 2 chaps you must make a new one...ok?Konohasdarkshadow on September 20, 2007, 12:31:35 PM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: index)
or maybe 3?sasukeXsakuraforever on September 20, 2007, 9:45:40 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 18)
Gah! Dan! I can't belive you woke me up?! You know I need my beauty sleep! >< lolz. Very funny chappie, bro! Can't wait to read what comes next! ^_~moog1895 on September 20, 2007, 2:50:26 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 18)
lol " THAT SMELL WAS...YOU!!!" lolsasukeXsakuraforever on September 19, 2007, 10:58:22 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 17)
Bwahahaha! Hilarious! I started busting up when you said "And Nova...get out." haha! No offence Nova! Just funny! This is going to be quite an adventure, eh? Dan, Jamal, Nova, and myself... in the same house....wow! OK I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT!! HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT CHAPPIE!! lolz! ^_^rffraff05 on September 19, 2007, 4:10:52 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 17)
hahaha!!! i actually do bust up other doors and walk right in! great chapter!moog1895 on September 19, 2007, 2:59:16 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 17)
o////O Dang..... Ugh! ok great chap!zerotimberwolf on September 17, 2007, 8:25:23 PM
zerotimberwolf on (Chapter: 16)
cool storySymphoniaprincess101 on September 15, 2007, 11:39:22 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 16)
LOL that was funny^^rffraff05 on September 13, 2007, 6:37:19 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 16)
I agree with celine, poor ramen! oh and i wnat to be one of the oc's!Konohasdarkshadow on September 13, 2007, 10:45:31 AM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 16)
which 1?...Dan or Tyrone?rffraff05 on September 15, 2007, 12:18:14 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: index)
Dan please!!!Konohasdarkshadow on September 15, 2007, 12:21:07 AM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: index)
coolmoog1895 on September 13, 2007, 9:39:48 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 16)
O__O oh noes... >//////<sasukeXsakuraforever on September 13, 2007, 4:56:10 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 16)
lolz! Allergies much << or is it? Mwahahaha! That was so funny, POOR RAMEN! Nice job, keep up the good work! ^_~moog1895 on September 3, 2007, 8:35:19 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 14)
YES!!!!! GO SENSEI!!!! :DDDDSymphoniaprincess101 on September 1, 2007, 10:26:33 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 15)
wow this will be cool^^Symphoniaprincess101 on September 1, 2007, 10:25:02 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 14)
wicked^^Symphoniaprincess101 on September 1, 2007, 10:17:06 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 13)
awsome^^pizza24 on September 1, 2007, 2:12:51 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 15)
that is AWESOME! i can't wait to see wat happends to us next!sasukeXsakuraforever on August 31, 2007, 7:01:09 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 15)
OMG so now your going to start it with us being older?! THATS AWESOME! How old? 16, like in the Shippuuden, I don't care really, It's just so cool that we are older! I can't wait to read what happens next! KYAA!~Your Sista^^
Konohasdarkshadow on August 31, 2007, 8:20:09 AM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 15)
well its not shippuden yet..but we are older...and remeber our personalities changed so yearffraff05 on August 31, 2007, 5:01:02 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 15)
Awesome, can't wait to see what happened! eek i cannot hold the excitement in Little Bro!Nekogal411 on August 30, 2007, 9:03:10 PM
Nekogal411 on (Chapter: index)
SWEET! ^_^ Very cool!pizza24 on August 29, 2007, 11:21:47 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 14)
that was awesomes!!! WRITE MORE I DEMAND IT!!....jk^^sasukeXsakuraforever on August 29, 2007, 8:05:27 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 14)
Awesome battle! That was so cool! Mew's new powers kick butt!!! Can't wait for more!^^rffraff05 on August 29, 2007, 6:48:00 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 14)
YAY YOu Wrote !!!!! i so happy!rffraff05 on August 29, 2007, 6:20:52 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: index)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!Konohasdarkshadow on August 29, 2007, 4:24:20 AM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: index)
ATTENTION!-IMIGHT NOT BE MAKING CHAPTERS BECAUSE OF SCHOOL (stupid school) THAT IS ALL...CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!moog1895 on August 26, 2007, 10:42:07 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 13)
AARRRRGGG!!! *nova strangles Jamal* Write or DIE!pizza24 on August 25, 2007, 12:09:57 PM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 12)
....*speakless*pizza24 on August 25, 2007, 12:05:43 PM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 11)
oh crap! this is good^^*move to the next chapter*rffraff05 on August 24, 2007, 11:56:35 PM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 13)
gosh darn you and your stupid cliffangers... they're better than mine!sasukeXsakuraforever on August 22, 2007, 1:32:43 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 12)
This is getting very intriuging! So much information, and its so fun! ^_^ I hope the next chapter is just as action packed as this one!rffraff05 on August 21, 2007, 6:38:46 AM
rffraff05 on (Chapter: 1)
Pretty awesome story so far YAY STORIESSymphoniaprincess101 on August 21, 2007, 6:21:19 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 12)
O.O Wow that was AWSOME^^Symphoniaprincess101 on August 21, 2007, 6:16:48 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 11)
oh boy this is badO.Omoog1895 on August 21, 2007, 5:24:29 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 12)
o_o *cries* WHAAAAHAHAHAH! MY ZABU!!! COME BACK TO ME! ^_^ great chap!sasukeXsakuraforever on August 21, 2007, 4:01:54 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 11)
Kyaa! Nova, Winnie, HELP! I don't like being in a box... its so cramped >_< lolz. This is getting very interesting here, I can't wait to read more!^^moog1895 on August 20, 2007, 8:50:57 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 11)
AAAHHH! YEAH! WE KICKED HIS BOOTEH!!!! AHAHAHAHAmoog1895 on August 1, 2007, 5:12:16 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 7)
OH NOES!!! MY BABIES!!!! *hugs Celine and Jamal*Symphoniaprincess101 on August 13, 2007, 6:13:11 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 7)
u silly.pizza24 on August 4, 2007, 5:10:26 PM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 9)
I WANT TO KILL THE GUY WITH MY FIRE FOX WHIP OF DOOM!!!!!jk ............ MORE.....plz =3pizza24 on August 4, 2007, 5:02:19 PM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 8)
IM READY TO KICK SOME @$$!!! Ok this is totally awesome so far!....pizza24 on August 4, 2007, 4:58:33 PM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 7)
0.0 oh my this isn't good.....*gos to next chapter*Symphoniaprincess101 on August 1, 2007, 7:03:15 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 9)
wikced^^Symphoniaprincess101 on August 1, 2007, 7:01:09 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 8)
Hurry guys hurryO.OAwsome^^Symphoniaprincess101 on August 1, 2007, 6:59:06 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 7)
wow cool^^moog1895 on August 1, 2007, 5:15:12 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 9)
Oh noes!!! he want.....me.moog1895 on August 1, 2007, 5:13:50 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 8)
O_O Jamal, do you always....LOOSE HHAHAHAHAHAsasukeXsakuraforever on July 31, 2007, 12:54:25 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 9)
ZOMG TWO BATTLES! OH NO!! Darnit, you and your cliffhangers are going to be the death of me Jamal!! >_< heh. ok ok, you must continue ASAP ok? good!^^sasukeXsakuraforever on July 31, 2007, 12:52:08 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 8)
Kyaaa! Oh poo! I'm still kidnapped..er..ninja-napped... heh! Very good so far! Good job! ^_~sasukeXsakuraforever on July 29, 2007, 2:43:07 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 7)
ZOMG! WHAT HAPPENED TO US?! KYAAA! I am loving your cliffhangers! WRITE MORE WRITE MORE! ^.^moog1895 on July 26, 2007, 7:15:02 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 6)
>///////< omgpizza24 on July 23, 2007, 5:07:09 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 5)
i wanted the A-Rank......i want to beat the heck out of ninjas! awwwwwwww.....man! very good chapter!moog1895 on July 26, 2007, 7:13:06 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 5)
we beez BEASTS MAN! *hi-fives*pizza24 on July 26, 2007, 7:52:45 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: index)
WOOH!!!moog1895 on July 26, 2007, 7:12:47 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 5)
Yeaah! A-rank's betteeer~!pizza24 on July 23, 2007, 5:14:44 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 6)
i love this! keep going!Symphoniaprincess101 on July 23, 2007, 3:47:17 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 6)
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SO KAWISHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-^^-40 cookies for you^^Symphoniaprincess101 on July 23, 2007, 3:43:47 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 5)
may an A-ranked would have been betterSymphoniaprincess101 on July 23, 2007, 3:38:47 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 4)
awsome^^sasukeXsakuraforever on July 22, 2007, 11:56:52 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 6)
Awwww! That was such a kawaii moment right there! I'm getting tingles! You two are so cute!! <33 I can't wait to read more. Its got adventure/drama/ and now romance! Yayz^^sasukeXsakuraforever on July 20, 2007, 2:37:23 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 5)
aww! I wanted the super dangerous A-rank mission! lolz! I would have died before we even got their! That was funny! This is getting interesting now! I can't wait to see what happens next! ^.^moog1895 on July 14, 2007, 11:58:30 PM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 4)
OMG! That sooo coool!!! I have Chidori and Wini has Rasengan!!!! Who shall win? >.>pizza24 on July 12, 2007, 4:56:01 PM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 4)
AHHH!!!! CLIFFHANGER!!!! Ur right the Suspense!!! Its killing me! anyway Awesome chapter!can wait to see who winz<PsasukeXsakuraforever on July 12, 2007, 1:26:53 PM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 4)
Darn you and your cliffhangers of doom! Waa! I wanna see what happens! *sniff sniff* Oh well, great fight details, I can't wait to read more! ^_~*moog1895 on July 12, 2007, 11:10:58 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 3)
0_0 oh my, You..lost...to..a ....GIRL?!?!?!?!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!moog1895 on July 12, 2007, 11:08:00 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 2)
YUUUS!!! I AM A BEAST!moog1895 on July 12, 2007, 11:05:01 AM
moog1895 on (Chapter: 1)
Haha Teach loves me!Symphoniaprincess101 on June 29, 2007, 3:42:22 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 3)
this is AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^^50 cookies for u for such a great story^^Symphoniaprincess101 on June 29, 2007, 3:36:30 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 2)
*laughing a little cause of the ending*Ok still cool^^Symphoniaprincess101 on June 29, 2007, 3:31:32 AM
Symphoniaprincess101 on (Chapter: 1)
cool^^pizza24 on June 28, 2007, 3:41:21 PM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 3)
Awesome chapter!!!^-^ ....... ok my jutsu's r Rasengan,water styal,wolf claw, and any other animals^-^Konohasdarkshadow on June 28, 2007, 3:44:25 PM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 3)
ok^^sasukeXsakuraforever on June 28, 2007, 1:16:05 PM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 3)
Wow! Hey I won! Jamal you were excelent!!!! That was a very awesome battle! Kept me on the edge of my seat...accually I think I fell of..... yup! I fell....ow >_< Any who! Very nice, I can't wait to read Nova and Winni's battle^^ It should be very interesting.... I'm putting a pillow underneath my chair this time... I'm not falling out of my chair....again... ^_~pizza24 on June 27, 2007, 7:24:39 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 2)
i got tied up....im glad to have AWESOME!! teammates....great job can't wait for more^^sasukeXsakuraforever on June 26, 2007, 5:57:50 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 2)
aww! Your so nice!!! *phew* I thought I was going to be stuck to the log all day! Yay, I love this chapter!! I can't wait for the next one^^cursefox22 on June 26, 2007, 5:24:32 AM
cursefox22 on (Chapter: 1)
Comment Deleted
Konohasdarkshadow on June 26, 2007, 5:53:04 AM
Konohasdarkshadow on (Chapter: 1)
thankspizza24 on June 26, 2007, 4:23:01 AM
pizza24 on (Chapter: 1)
YAY !!! this awesome so far plz continue^-^sasukeXsakuraforever on June 26, 2007, 3:05:50 AM
sasukeXsakuraforever on (Chapter: 1)
HAHA! Yay your on our squad!! (already knew that haha) OMG this is too good! Please continue, I love this so much!^^