Chapter 1 - Confessions of a Broken Heart

Confessions of a Broken Heart ‘It has been 2 years since I meet InuYasha. When I first saw him I thought he was asleep, but he was really under a spell. Since then I have helped him find and restore the Shikon Jewel. It is complete now. Naraku has been defeated. Sango and Miroku have gone to the demon slayer’s village to replace the flowers on the graves. Miroku’s wind tunnel has disappeared. Kohaku has unfortunately died. Shippo and Keade have gone to help a near by village, but InuYasha is here with me. It makes my decision even harder, too. I need to decide whether to live here in the Feudal Era or go home to my own time. I want to be home with gramps, Sota, and mom, but I also want to be with InuYasha. I love InuYasha, but what about Kikyo? She is in a way alive and InuYasha is still in love with her. I don’t know what to do.’ Kagome thought while peacefully sitting under the Tree of Ages. She had been sitting there for almost an hour, ever since Shippo and Keade left. “Kagome! What are you doing here?” InuYasha came asking rudely. He quickly sat next to her Indian style. “Oh, InuYasha.” she said as she was shocked out of her pondering. She had not noticed him there. “I was just thinking” she replied with her usual smile. ‘She has no idea what her smile does to me.’ InuYasha thought. “What were you thinking about?” he asked curiously. “Nothing.” she lied shamelessly. “Your lying.” he told her teasingly. “So what if I am? What does it matter to you?” she asked tired of being polite. “You’re my friend, Kagome. If something is troubling you, you should tell me. Especially since the others left.” he told her forcefully. “InuYasha could you leave me alone for a little while? I need to think.” she asked him. ‘I need to decided tonight.’ she thought before getting up. He followed and stood up. She kept her back to him knowing that if she turned she would say something she would regret. “Kagome, why do you want me to leave you alone? Please tell me, Kagome.” he pleaded with sorrow in his voice. It killed Kagome to hear him like that. “InuYasha just… I don’t want to talk to anyone. I’ve got a lot on my mind. I don’t know what to do with the jewel, I have finals in a few weeks, and Kouga has been coming around lately. He has been saying we should mate soon and I…” “You’re not actually going to mate with him!!!” he shouted. He grabbed her shoulder and turned her around. She saw exactly what she thought would be in his eyes, Jealousy. ‘Is that the only thing he feels around me, jealous because of other people. Does that mean he has feelings for me?’ she thought before noticing how close he held her. She felt like she was melting and would faint. “Of course not InuYasha. That is why I have to think of how to get rid of him.” she said giving herself an excuse. “No need Kagome. Tell me the next time he comes and I will get rid of him for good.” “InuYasha no! I don’t want you to hurt Kouga. I just need to talk to him. And since you wont leave me alone I will have to say it.” she said giving him the hint. “You wouldn’t” he said making the mistake of letting go of her shoulder. “I would! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!” she shouted sending him 10 feet into the ground. She walked away and whispered quietly “I’m sorry, but I need to think and be alone.” She thought she was far enough away that he wouldn’t hear but he did. ‘Why is she sorry?’ he wondered. She went to the hut that had all her stuff in it. ‘I need to talk to InuYasha about this, but how? If he loves me too I might stay, but… If he loves Kikyo I have to leave. I wouldn’t be able to stand to see him with her. It would break my heart. It has already broken my heart. He has chosen her over me so many times. He always thinks I’m her, too. I should go back and tell him.’ she finally decided. When she stepped out side it was nighttime. The stars looked gorgeous as they always did in the Feudal Era. She walked to the forest of InuYasha. She called for him hoping he was there. She had been out there for an hour. It was starting to get cold. ‘I should just give up and wait for him at the hut.’ she thought coming close to a familiar clearing. She looked in only to see InuYasha and Kikyo. He was walking toward her with his usual love struck eyes. Kagome’s heart broke for the final time. ‘I can’t ask him. I already know the answer. I love him, but he loves her. All I ever was to him was a shard detector and a reminder of his true love. I will never be anything more.’ she thought silently crying as she ran. She just ran as fast as she could. Once she was in the hut she through herself onto her bedding she had set up. She cried and cried until there were no more tears to cry, only the sounds of her broken heart. After some time she picked herself off the floor. ‘I can’t face him. I need to leave tomorrow morning before he gets back.’ she concluded. She quickly got out her journal, that she always brought with her, and a pen. She swiftly wrote a letter for Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Keade. Then she wrote a small note to Kouga telling him she didn’t want to stay here, but it wasn’t his fault. She said that she only liked him as a friend and hoped to meet him again. After she was done with those two she took a deep breath. ‘Now for InuYasha’s letter. What do I say? Do I say that it is because of him I’ll never love again? Should I remind him of all the times he hurt me? Should I mention Kikyo? No. I should wish for him and Kikyo to be happy. I should tell him that I do and always will love him and only him. I need to tell him not to come after me, too’ she thought as she started to write her true feelings. When she finally finished she laid down to get a few hours sleep before she left for good. Unexpectedly InuYasha came in after she was asleep. He curiously sniffed the air smelling water and a hint of salt. He glanced at Kagome and went to her. He smelled her cheek making sure not to wake her. Her cheeks had been drenched in tears. ‘Why was Kagome crying?’ he wondered silently to himself. He looked around the room for any sign of what could have made her cry. His eyes finally settled on the two letters and the note. He walked over to look at them. Looking at a really long one he realized it was to Sango, Shippo, Keade, and Miroku, but it said nothing to him. He then picked up the note furious to find it was to Kouga. After reading it he calmed knowing Kagome wasn’t interested in Kouga at all. When he started to read the final letter he was shocked. It had tears stains all over it. It said :Dear InuYasha, I’m sorry about today InuYasha. I just needed to think about what to do and now I know. I’m back in my time so don’t worry where I am. I couldn’t stay. InuYasha I love you. I have always loved you. I hope that is ok. I know you want to be with Kikyo and I understand. I hope you both are happy together, but I don’t think I can stand to watch. InuYasha I promised myself I wouldn’t write this, but I have to. You left me so many times for Kikyo. You broke my heart every night you left for her. You crushed my spirit when you would call me just your ‘shard detector’. And you devoured my soul every time you thought I was Kikyo or when you took her side over mine. But you did heal those wounds sometimes. When you would protect me or opened up to me, but it wasn’t enough. I saw you and her tonight. I can’t handle it anymore. I’m sorry InuYasha , but I’m leaving the Feudal Era forever. I wouldn’t be coming back. I left a letter for the rest of the gang and a note for Kouga. Please deliver them for me. I love you InuYasha and I always will. There will never be anyone else to steal my heart. I have given it to you and I can’t get it back. Be happy for me InuYasha. Be happy to see the day come and go. Be happy to have your love. It is a very precious thing. Trust me I know. Again I hope you and Kikyo are happy. Your Shard Detector, Kagome InuYasha was speechless. ‘How could she think I love Kikyo more than her? She wouldn’t leave me. How can she say ‘Your Shard Detector’? She can’t leave me! She should at least know that we are friends at least. She wont leave me!! I love her!!!’ he thought desperately going over to her. He pulled her to her feet. Her eyes were fluttering open when she got the biggest surprise of her life. InuYasha had pulled her face to his and passionately kissed her with all the love he could gather up. Her eyes couldn’t open any farther. She was so shocked, but extremely happy at the same time. After a moment he eased the kiss to a not so bruising level. Kagome close her eyes and finally kissed him back. He wrapped his arms tightly around her back. She let her hands snake around his neck. ‘Why is he kissing me? I thought he wouldn’t be back until after I left. I thought he loved Kikyo.’ she thought tensing up in his arms. He noticed this and deepened the kiss to show she was the one he wanted. She moaned softly because of it. ‘I don’t care he is with me now and for now he is mine.’ she decided letting her hand glided up to his ears. She gently felt one. InuYasha then broke the kiss with a laugh. “Kagome don’t do that.” he said panting. He noticed the shame and guilt in her eyes. “That tickled” he added quickly and lightly kissed her nose. That made her smile for a second. “InuYasha why were you kissing me?” she asked. “I found your letter. I read it Kagome and your wrong. I don’t love her.” he told her in a whisper still holding tight to her. “But I saw you with her tonight and you’ve always thought about her before me. You would go rescue her even if it meant I would die. You always referred to me as your ‘shard detector’. And you always…” InuYasha had had enough of her rambling and swiftly kissed her lips to silence her. It was not nearly as long or passionate as their other kiss, but it still meant the world to Kagome. “Kagome I know I have made mistakes, but I don’t love Kikyo. I love you” he said delicately cupping her cheeks in his hands. “You don’t love me. And even if you did it is only because she is dead and I’m her reincarnation.” she replied trying to pull away from his hold and the heart ache she knew he would cause. He only pulled her closer though. “Kagome!” he shouted demanding her attention and cooperation. “You two are very different. Kikyo is dead. She left this earth hating me. She never smiles or laughs like you do. She never did and never could. She could never accept me as a half demon. You have told me time and time again that you like me best this way. She could never make me cry, feel sorry, or love as much as you do. I was an idiot not to notice this sooner, but I guess in a way I was grieving. Kikyo was important to me, but no one has been or ever will be more important to me than you Kagome. I love you with all my heart. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you. I called you my ‘shard detector’ so I didn’t have to admit I loved you but now it is safe to say it. Naraku can’t use this against me. I also never wanted someone thinking they could steal you from me. I need you Kagome. Please tell me you love me, too. I know in your letter you said you did, but I want to hear it.” he told her. She was suddenly shocked, overjoyed, and she thought her heart would burst. Her eyes were already overflowing with tears of love, of the pure joy that you feel when you know the one you love loves you back. “I love you InuYasha. I always have. I don’t know any other way to say it, but I love you.” she said making him smile. He leaned down slowly and gave her a teasing, loving and romantic kiss as the sun shone through the hut on to the young lovers faces. Kagome timidly broke the kiss. “InuYasha what were you doing with Kikyo last night though?” she asked curious and suspicious. “I told her that I loved you and that I had to kill her. I told her I wanted to give her peace in the after life. She asked why I had to kill her? Why couldn’t I just leave her alone. I told her that I knew she wouldn’t leave me alone and that you would need prove that I loved you more than her. She let me kill her then. I’ve already put her ashes in Keade’s hut for when she returns.” he informed her. “InuYasha I… I’m sorry.” Kagome said hanging her head in disappointment. He lifted her chin so she would look him in the eye. “It had to be done Kagome. She needed peace and I needed you. Apparently you needed me, too. Would you really have left me?” he asked lowering his lips dangerously close to hers. “I don’t know. I think I would have if I thought you would be happy and I thought it wouldn’t matter to you. Now I can’t even imagine leaving you.” she said wanting him to just kiss her instead of having his lips only a few inches from hers. “I’m glad. I would be devastated if you left. I might have even done something I would regret after reading that letter.” he said warming her face with his hot sweet breathe. “I love you Kagome and I…” “Just shout up and kiss me.” she told him grabbing handfuls of his shirt and pulling his lips to hers. He couldn’t help, but laugh at it. He had been wondering how long it would have taken before she gave in and kissed him. He kissed her back when an idea came to him. He trailed his tongue lightly along the crease of her lips begging to be let in. She was a little dazzled, but gladly let him in. Then it became a war of teasing. A war of who would give in first. Kagome gave in after a few minutes. She completely fell into his arms. They both giggled as they broke apart. “Happy?” InuYasha asked teasingly leaning in for a quick kiss. “Very!” Kagome answered embracing him completely. “InuYasha can I go back to my time for just today, please?” she asked looking up into his eyes. “I need to take care of something. I’ll be back tonight I promise.” she said pleading him with her eyes knowing he couldn’t resist. “As long as you don’t go see that Hobo guy.” he said burying his face in her neck tickling her a bit which only made her giggle more. “His name is Hojo.” she corrected him through the laugh that was building up. “I don’t care what his name is. Your mine now. I love you and no one else can have you.” he said calmly nuzzling her. She let out a giggle as she pulled his head away from her neck. “I don’t want anyone else, but you InuYasha don’t worry. I don’t want anyone else to have me and I wont let anyone else have me.” she told him and then kissed him sweetly. “So you’ll be back tonight?” he asked still a little dazed from the kiss. “Yes. If I’m not back by sundown you can come get me.” she said reluctantly pulling away. “I have to go now. I’ll be back as soon as possible.” she said kissing him on the cheek before going to pack. She had quickly gathered all her clothes and stuff before heading to the door. InuYasha stopped her at the door. He leaned down and placed his lips very close to her ear. “If you are not back by sundown I will come for you. I love you.” he whispered to her. He pulled his head back from her ear to have her lips collide into his. It was sweet, loving, and tender. “I’ll be back soon” she reminded him as she left. He followed her to the well. Just to make sure she got to her time safely. Once he saw her jump into the well he leaped up into a tree to relax until she got back. He was soon thinking of what would happen next. ‘What will happen when Kagome comes back? She can’t just leave her time, but I want to be with her so bad.’ Many similar thoughts clouded his mind for the whole day. He sat in that tree thinking of the one and only person he could love and be willing to give up anything and everything for. It was sunset before he knew it. He was so deep in thought though that he didn’t notice this. Kagome didn’t come back until about an hour after dusk. She had been wondering why InuYasha hadn’t got her. Then she noticed InuYasha in a tree. He was staring off into space. ‘He must be thinking about something important’ she thought. She hesitantly walked to the base of the tree he was sitting in. “InuYasha? What are you thinking about?” she yelled up. He flinched almost falling from his perch. He quickly jumped down. “Sorry Kagome. I lost track of time.” he apologized. “It’s ok, but what were you thinking about?” she asked again a little worried now. “I was thinking about what we’re going to do. I don’t want to keep you from your family in your time, but I also want to be with you.” he explained to her. “I think I can solve that problem. InuYasha look” Kagome then held up three bags and pointed to two suitcases by the well. He now looked VERY confused. “I’m staying here. I’ll go back sometimes to visit my family, but I want to stay here.” she told him taking his hand. He couldn’t resist, but pull her into a loving hug. “Are you sure Kagome?” he asked with his lips rather close to her ear. “Yes. I love you InuYasha. I love you more than anything in this world or mine.” she told him pulling apart. “Let’s go to the hut. It might take a few trips to get all my stuff there.” He nodded and went over to get here suitcases. She was happy to see he could carry those while she carried her bags. “Or maybe not.” she corrected herself. They both smiled as they headed toward their hut. Once there they set Kagome’s bags and suitcases by the door. “I’m going to bed InuYasha. We can unpack my things tomorrow.” she told him. He simply nodded and went to her. They both found a comfortable corner to sit and be in each other’s arms. Kagome was just about to fall asleep when InuYasha said something. “What did you say InuYasha?” she asked sleepily looking into his eyes. “Will you stay with me forever?” he asked again vulnerably holding to her tight. “Will you always love me and never leave me? Will you… Will you be my mate?” he finished weakly. “Of course I will InuYasha, but can we go to my time to get married? I know my family would love to see me married.” she said pleading with her hazel eyes. “I would be happy to as long as it makes you happy.” he said kissing her lips delicately. All she could do was smile. She couldn’t believe that a few days ago she had thought he didn’t care for her. She snuggled into his chest as they both entered a dreamy slumber starting the routine of sleeping together every night of their lives.

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