Username   Password  
Remember   Register   |   Forgot your password?

Legend of Twilight 2

Continuation of a boys Struggle against Hell

Chapters

Chapters

Chapter 1 - The Twilight
Submitted: April 8, 2007 • Updated: April 9, 2007
Word count: 9337 • Size: 46k • Comments: 0 • views: 140

Chapter 2 - Heaven Cries
Submitted: May 9, 2007 • Updated: May 9, 2007
Word count: 6548 • Size: 31k • Comments: 0 • views: 141

Chapter 3 - The Trinity Islands
Submitted: May 23, 2007 • Updated: May 23, 2007
Word count: 6946 • Size: 34k • Comments: 0 • views: 112

Chapter 4 - The Crossing
Submitted: May 27, 2007 • Updated: May 27, 2007
Word count: 3113 • Size: 15k • Comments: 0 • views: 109

Chapter 5 - Truth and Reconcillation
Submitted: June 12, 2007 • Updated: June 12, 2007
Word count: 9183 • Size: 45k • Comments: 0 • views: 132

Chapter 6 - The Light that never Fades
Submitted: June 25, 2007 • Updated: June 25, 2007
Word count: 8414 • Size: 42k • Comments: 0 • views: 124

Comments

Comments (135)

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment

blusand30 on July 12, 2007, 12:47:35 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30did u go to New York again or somethin? maybe it's Alaska what bout Jamaica?

RandomGuy on July 13, 2007, 11:46:17 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyok ok ok see this is what happened. My freind got back from cali and like 3 of us where talking on the phone. I descide to actually go to my mypsace that a freind set up for me and i felt like actually doing something to my page and then all a sudden my computer is just lagging un controllably and im like " i payed 800 dollars for this computer it better not be lagging!!" so i reach down and hold the button for the shut down and my computer shuts down.  Then when i boot it back up it won't start and made me reset 11 times before i was like dammit and i tried this thing called system recouver which sounded alot like system restore. But what i didn't know is that system restore takes u back a specified date but system recouver sends the computer all the way back to the day i bought it which was 8 mounths ago. So in a nutshell i lost everything on my computer including the internet since i have wireless. I couldn't find the CD for my wireless and it took 3 days for my bro so finally fess up with it and then it took me all the way until today to finall get my CD drive to work. so now im going through the long process of getting all my stuff back. u know how long its gonna take me to get back 130 gig worth of stuff -.- i had like every episode of Ranma 1/2 Gundam Wing Rurouni kenshin Full metal alchemist Yu Yu hakusho and zoids and they took almost a week or more each. so yea im fixing that and thank god my story had a back up or i would have had to kill my computer.

blusand30 on July 15, 2007, 2:55:27 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30wow..............i still don't wireless

RandomGuy on July 15, 2007, 3:40:34 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuytrust me you don't want it. If u have DSL or highspeed and u have the option to get it wireless or cable get the cable. Cable is alot less problems especially if ur the one who has to set up the wireless.

blusand30 on July 15, 2007, 1:00:59 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30thanks ^^, but i need wireless for school....

RandomGuy on July 15, 2007, 4:14:36 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuywhat grade r u in 0.0?
 

blusand30 on July 16, 2007, 2:39:15 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30im starting 9th this year.....need it for health science. don't know why.

RandomGuy on July 17, 2007, 12:18:37 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyidk why i never asked that a long time ago. 0.0....im gonna be a junior this year btw

blusand30 on July 17, 2007, 4:35:42 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30i didn't ask u either....junior? neat....i have a cousin who's a junior, she's an idiot.

RandomGuy on July 17, 2007, 5:06:37 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuylawl

blusand30 on July 26, 2007, 10:19:53 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30july 17......last comment........what's today..........july 26.......nearly 10 days..........when's part 3 comin up? summer is really boring with nothing to read or do......

RandomGuy on July 26, 2007, 11:24:32 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuywell....i was in band camp and that lastest 12 hours from 8 am to 6 pm and that was all this week but due to a series of events i ended up quiting. Anyway usually i do have huge lapses between parts of Legend of Twilight but this one is huge,,,,im like brian dead...and i mean like my imagination and mind has completly moved on because when a new idea hits me it hits hard. and i ended up getting a whole new idea but its only like a few pictures to base a story off of. ( i have weird dreams but usually a dream is all i need to start thinking on the subject) who knows why thier all love stories though...they seem to always work, Anyway i don't even know when to tell u the truth i can really finish legend because i mean i have been 2/3 of this next chapter for like 2 weeks now and i just can't finish it. Its like my mind thinks i finished the book yet my body knows i still have a long way to complete this idea. Know what i mean?

blusand30 on July 27, 2007, 12:01:53 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30well.....oddly i do know what you mean....that happens to me when i have to finish a project. so i always end up starting it on the last day....: )

RandomGuy on July 27, 2007, 2:05:27 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuylol nice to know where on the same track here
 

blusand30 on July 15, 2007, 2:55:52 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30crap...........i meant i still don't have wireless

blusand30 on July 11, 2007, 9:36:10 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30so there's no new chapter or story and you forget about commenting?

blusand30 on June 29, 2007, 4:29:11 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30well...if u put an apostrophe that indicates possesion...i'm not sure if that's what u mean...i have an idea of a story though....it may sound retarted, but legend of twilight is a seriousish story...^^ so what if u try somethin less serious...like pirates of the carribean. crap still can't spell that, does it have 2 r's or 2 b's?
k, what i meant was a pirates of the carribean 4? i haven't really read any good pirates of the carribean story around here...so....if u think it's a good idea then....and don't worry, ya won't loose your number one fan!


just another question what's eternal ivarice about?

RandomGuy on June 29, 2007, 7:30:55 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyi didn't see the last question. Eternal Ivarice is hard to explain cause alot of it i don't even know....-.- i think i will show you the prologue and you should be able to get a firm grasp of what its about. I'm warning you though...its 2 tiems more serious then Legend of Twilight because i made this story to be serious and Legend of Twilight wasn't made to be serious. the suffering in this book can only be described by some of the stuff i felt in r/l. but of course it is in the name. Eternal Ivarice= Eternal Suffering

blusand30 on June 29, 2007, 4:34:14 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30sad life? yeah i understand....that's why i prefer humorous stories better. i don't think i spelled--------------^ that right. just make sure it isn't tooo serious.^^

RandomGuy on June 29, 2007, 10:16:52 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyThe beggining of the story isn't that sad really its the middle, ending and everything beyond that makes it such an unbearably sad story.

blusand30 on June 30, 2007, 7:23:38 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30okaay...if it's that sad, unbearably sad, iwon't be able to read it....as long as it's not UNBEARABLY sad it's k.

RandomGuy on June 30, 2007, 9:08:22 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyOk i wanna run this scenario by you since your a girl and you should understand what this girl is feeling ( i hope...if not then i do a really bad job with making female chr's obviously). You are part of a group of special individuals like yourselfs that have a special power ( im not telling the power because it ruins the story). You love a man deeply and he wants to protect you. He makes his own descision and doesn't want you to be part of the group because its dangerous. You know that its not possible for you to leave and that ur needed. On top of this fact you are 2 days pregnent. You already know that the man you love is defensive of you. Would you have told him you where pregnent so that he would know or tell not tell him in the fear that he becomes so defensive that he won't let you be in the group....Thier is no right or wrong but that is her choice and it spans alot of the story which you will find out. Tell me what you answer and I'll tell u what would have happened if she had picked the answer in the story.

blusand30 on June 30, 2007, 3:19:57 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30i wouldn't tell him......if that's what the story is based on, don't tell me the child dies. that would be unbearably sad. sounds interesting....

RandomGuy on June 30, 2007, 4:00:34 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyouch....well.....i could tell u the indirect way....and yea ur right about the baby but if i where to tell u how ur descision truly changes the story then i'd have to be direct. Pretty much...you made the exact same the descision i thought a woman would make in that situation, it was a good descision in general but with all the events in the story...The man you love will accidentaly kill you and he won't find out that you where pregnent until after he did it.....>_< yea....if that doesn't make for a story that will break ur heart idk what will but thier are other things in the story that make it sad...thats just 2 chr's. When u read the prologue and the 1st chapter you should be able to tell me exactly who the guy and girl chr's are. Btw if u do get curious i can always tell you what would have happened if you had told him but thats only if you want to know.

blusand30 on July 1, 2007, 6:17:41 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30that idiot! no common sense at all......i would give a longer reply, but don't got any time....have to go to my aunt's house...it'll be fun...hopefully

RandomGuy on July 1, 2007, 8:43:50 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyIts a complete and totall mistake how she dies so don't exactly blame him. Its no where near as bad what would have happned if she told him. I actually won't to show you the "lost chapter" where i think i will write and show what happnes. Because everyone in the group dies off that descision alone. Tell ur reply though i maybe i'll add it XD

blusand30 on July 3, 2007, 6:43:09 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30the lost chapter? ummm...sounds mysterious.....if she doesn't tell him she and her child die. but if she does tell him then everyone dies? i don't get it........

RandomGuy on July 3, 2007, 7:30:49 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuylol if u saw how she dies and to what extent it has on the guy chr u would see. I mean he ends up turning on the entire group after he kills her. and another main chr dies at the same time so the group of 5 ppl is down to 3 and all three of them cannot agree so they fight/ ( long story...ur gonna have to ask if u want more detial)

blusand30 on July 4, 2007, 7:22:48 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30that's gonna be a lot of detail......

RandomGuy on July 4, 2007, 10:04:22 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyIt was a great story when i thought about it ( I have no idea what drove me to make it depressing however...) I'd always be thinking about the powers in the story and what all i could make of them through the course of the story since its 3 books long. I even thought over how it would end....That would have to be the part of the story i don't want to be rid of. After everything that happens the main chr finally can come at peace with herself. It would have been done so beutiful if i had had the chance

blusand30 on July 5, 2007, 4:46:58 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30well can u tell me the details?

RandomGuy on July 14, 2007, 12:04:25 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyOk this is gonna be long so u better pay attention. The story starts off with Teal Lellith Comayo and Hetema. They each have gaunlet type weapons called Avarices that give them all elemental attributes and the ability to steadily grow past the natural limits of a natural human being. ( in other words they are not limited in power. They can be as strong as they train themselves to be) Anyway in thier world thier world is falling apart. Due to goverment expended resources and the poor living conditions of almost all of the people the planet is literally killing itself. and ontop of that thier is threat of extinction of thier entire race and everything living. the Avarices have a spiritual being trapped inside of them from acient times of thier world. When the human race had had killed the planet so badly that it the Avarices where awakened to find the answer to stop what was happening. They chose thier own weilder and through that person they would descide the fate of the world. In the story Lellith Teal Comayo and hetema all recieve Avarices and grew up in the world barley surviving so they want to change the world for the better but their are other Avarice holders who see changing the world as something diffrent. In general through out all three books thier was always 3 sides of the conflict. Their were Avarice holders supporting the goverment thier where the Avarice holders who opoosed the goverment and thier where the last holders who wanted the Theory of Ivarice to occur. The Theory of Ivarice is the restoration of the world by destroying everything in it and literally starting the world over( like my computer for example). No matter what side they where on they came up even as far as who would lead the world into a new future. This would be descided by who ever could control the Eternal Avarice. The Eternal Avarice is the first and infinitly the most powerful Avarice from acient times. Through out the book thier is alot of treachery between the chr's and worst of all between the spirits of the Ivarice themselves. the chrs are torn between each other and the part they play with the Avarices.  

blusand30 on July 15, 2007, 2:59:28 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30sounds interesting..........it's like another twilight story except this time they're sprits not beasts from hell.

RandomGuy on July 15, 2007, 4:15:42 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyi always figured Eternal Ivarice and Legend of Twilight where a whole world apart especially in texture in complexity 0.0 i never figured they where even close to the same...

blusand30 on July 16, 2007, 2:48:59 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30its a different setting, storyline, but it's still about a group trying to fight to protect their world and what they think is right, right?

RandomGuy on July 17, 2007, 12:17:18 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyWell define group for me because they are only a group for the first book after that they are all enemies because everyone knows one of the giant secrets that the Avarice's didn't tell them until Lelith and Comayo die at the end of the first book. Almost all of the Avarices are striving for the Theory of Ivarice and every person that has an Avarice becomes the body and soul of the spirit inside thier Avarice. Thus every action someone with the avarice makes is a combination of the thought process of the spirit and the person. With all that said since by this point in the story the theory of Ivarice is strarting to become imminent all the people with Avarices' begin asking the sole question of what happens when the world restores itself and what happens to the other Avarices'. To put it to you short their is only one avarice that is allowed to make the descision on what will happen to thier world. Thus fourth however makes the descision has to have the souls of every Avarice for that to happen. So....pretty much...Who ever makes the descision has to kill every person with an Avarice. By the time it gets to the secound book all the avarice's are fighting each other for who will live pased the Theory of Ivarice.

blusand30 on July 17, 2007, 4:43:22 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30that's a long and complicated theory.....by group i meant that in legend of twilight there's the sanction and in eternal ivarice there's the group of people with the avarice....just need to get one thing straight...is it Ivarice or Avarice?

RandomGuy on July 17, 2007, 5:10:26 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyits not really a theory...but the name " Theory of Ivarice" Sounded really cool at the time 0.0. Anyway i haven't picked if its Avarice or Ivarice since both of them sound close to what i don't want them to be. ( Avarice sounds like a weapon in a mmo i use to play and Ivarice sounds like Ivalice from FF games). Since i kinda discontinued Eternal Ivarice due to i couldn't make a huge goverment conspiracy sound good -.-.

RandomGuy on June 29, 2007, 7:28:23 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyWell actually when i first wrote this is was meant to have alot more humor and sound more like Anime with Leon and Kayla but when i thought really far down to it this isn't a light topic. its biblical to some standards and political and very mental and or spiritual so this isn't something i could easily joke on. The chr's are a good bit more serious then they where orginally and the story is more mature because more people die now and its even qiucker and harder to bear. ( u will be finding this out soon...) On top of that thier ins't gonna be a pirates 4. Thier is a reason why pirates 3 ended how it did because if u notice it has the same ending as pirates 1's beggining. Jack still doesn't have the Pearl. Will still can't be with Elizabeth. Barbossa still has the pearl so they ended pirates like a never ending cycle which is a good ending because it can lead to seqeuls but if they did they would ruin it. And if u didn't know pirates 1 wasn't suppose to have a sequel to it orginally. It was suppose to be a Stand alone movie.

blusand30 on June 29, 2007, 4:32:01 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30i really didn't like pirates 3, but i would still go watch the 4th one if they make it.

RandomGuy on June 29, 2007, 10:22:45 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyPirates 3 had to much to be expected from it and it did lack alot of story elements that made pirates 1 so good to me. I've seen 1 like 30+ times but i couldn't stay awake long enough to see pirates 2 past 3 times. Each story had a completly diffrent tone. and sometimes i wish the writers had kept it at number 1 instead of making the sequels. 2 was pretty good but it was long and it just seemed alot diffrent then one. 3 was compeltly way more action with more funny stuff but almost everyone died. The pirate lords where cool but they where rushed into the story and it almost didn't make sense how they all banded together in the end. Movie effects where great and i remember talking about the funny parts but since i write. and writing is all about telling the story i will notcie and comment on huge story changes weather it be in tone or overall content. I can see why you didn't like pirates 3 but i respected the movie after i saw how they descided to end it because it was the best ending they could have chosen.

blusand30 on June 30, 2007, 7:21:28 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30it was long and didn't exactly explain everything. it was just clumped up together. kinda hard to explain what i mean....

RandomGuy on June 30, 2007, 9:03:40 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuygimme an example of what you didn't get 0.0 I'll admit it was long and clumped together and alot of parts didn't have much point but by the end thier wasn't much i can say i didn't catch

blusand30 on July 3, 2007, 6:45:07 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30okay, what happened to tia delma? i mean she just grows huge and then that's it....what bout all those pirate lords? and the east india trading company......

RandomGuy on July 13, 2007, 11:48:17 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyok delma was really Circis who is the god of the Sea. She was imprisoned in a human body and the pirattes thought she would help them if they released her even though they orginally where the ones to seal her. she doesn't get much past being unsealed but she returned to the sea and thats all u really needed to know

blusand30 on July 15, 2007, 3:05:03 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30that was stupid then..........what was the point of her...

RandomGuy on July 15, 2007, 3:36:46 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyThe pirate lords thought she would help them but all she did was make the giant water whirlpool and delma is the one that davey jones loved but he thought betrayed him and it hurt so much that he casted his heart away aka how the story begins

blusand30 on July 15, 2007, 1:02:36 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30yeah......but the whirlpool didn't help now did it?

sooo....do u have any new idea for a story? and when is part 3 comin up?

RandomGuy on July 15, 2007, 4:14:00 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuymy mind is completly blank 0.0 This usually happens when im in the thinking of a new story but im not done with this one so i can't really make a new one. I guess i lost alot of the inspiration it took to write this book. -.- especially since most of the most important momments have already happened. ( at least for me they have...thiers a good deal more you could use to see). No new stories or i'd probaly have annouced them by now....and imma try since i have a week off to finish this chapter and get through the chapter after it which i already have a name for. descided to call it " The Morning of the tragic end" and thats all i could really tell you about that chapter.

blusand30 on July 16, 2007, 2:51:33 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30the morning of the tragic end.......... does not sound like a happily for ever...

RandomGuy on July 26, 2007, 11:27:02 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyHey belive it or not that chapter name came from a song...not the title but some of the lyrics reminded me of what was going to happen so thus the orgin of that chapter.it was either " The mourning of the Tragic end" or "Mourning Veiw" but the first one fit better XD

blusand30 on June 26, 2007, 6:58:11 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30sorry for the spelling mistakes. typed to fast...

RandomGuy on June 26, 2007, 8:38:46 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyi wanted to be funny and say it was the end but thier is more. Its the end of Legend of Twilight 2 and the beggining of my last few chapters. Legend of Twilight 3 should be appearing i just don't know when yet. I've had school and other things but i have been writing so i already started work on the next chapter. I know i kept telling u stuff about this chapter but i kept changing my mind because of the circumstances so it is what it is. I'm glad you liked and yes i am thinking over an epilogue when the entire story really does come to an end. I can honeslty say thier are only about 5 or 6 more chapters till its done. It's all down hill from here and the Twilight series is almost at its end ='( but its gonna go out with a band just like anything else and i hope this chapter is only 3/4 as good as the grand finale XD

blusand30 on June 27, 2007, 8:07:50 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30oh...5 or 6 chapters? that must be really long war...

RandomGuy on June 27, 2007, 12:19:14 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyWell it wouldn't be much of a war if it only lasted 2 chapters. Their still is some more important battles but for the most part its coming to an end and its really sad for me ='(. This took 2 years to finish!!!!!! ( 1 year for the 200 pg rough draft and all this time for this much 170 pg's). Anyway i descided on a name for the first chapter in Legend of the Twilight 3 and i will stand by its name. Look for " The Land's I walked" As the beggining of the end of the war. Cause if they lose it would hardly be called much of a war now would it? As they say a battle with a point is a war a battle without a point is called a massacre.

blusand30 on June 28, 2007, 7:00:59 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30yeah....it would be a battle. The Land's I Walked? that doesn't exactly make sense...shouldn't it be, The Lands I Walked? nice saying. haven't heard it before, but it's neat.

RandomGuy on June 28, 2007, 9:04:03 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyWell it doesn't exactly pretain to one person. the word " I" pretains to alot of people as you will soon find out and" Lands refers the many people's past it refers too XD if im wrong after you read the chapter feel free to correct me then though. I wonder if u will stop reading my stories after this 0.0.....I'll lose my number 1 fan ='( DX...anyway i still don't have something to replace this when im done and i have a feeling i have alot more stories on the way. I may go a shape Eternal Ivarice hoping that it will finaly become what i hoped it would and if not a brand new project with no restraints on other projects sounds nice and at least i will have some new stuff on this darn site....  anyway i picked up the saying from somewhere that me and my freinds saw it from. I have alot of sayings...and even a few i live by =)

blusand30 on June 28, 2007, 7:01:56 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30the saying fits the "little" war we're having in Iraq

blusand30 on June 26, 2007, 6:57:10 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30wow......that was really really good! that voice...was it his dad? soo..u said there was gonna be 3 parts, right? hmmm...those people that took care of Leon were they there for just taking care of him...or are they someone special...i think this chapter was really really really really really really really really really really really good! there's just one thing that made me laugh..mourning. that means when you're crying because of something. i thin kyou meant morning. lol!

it was really good. this isn't the last chapter right? i have one suggestion though, after you're finished with the story. and if leon and everyone else survives, write an epilouge.

blusand30 on June 8, 2007, 7:42:37 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30okay so it's already JUNE! schools almost over and you're still not done with that damn chapter! The Reckoning of the Blood War, stupid chapter.......

RandomGuy on June 12, 2007, 5:42:16 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyBtw the chapter should be out tonight but i may as well tell u that i changed the chapter title because with some other things important going on in the chapter i figured thier was a better  way to sum it all up

blusand30 on June 12, 2007, 10:33:16 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30okay....

RandomGuy on June 13, 2007, 11:23:15 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyActually i just got a change of hearts. I'm going to pslit the chapter into two stories of what is about to happen since the War is about to start but its gioing to be told from Leon's side and Kayla's side at the same time. Thier are some questions that im pretty sure i forgot to answer to i need to clear up all of it before i end the 3 chapters and start on the final part of Legend of Twilight. I should be moving into Legend of Twilight 3 after the three chapters....bare with meh ='(

blusand30 on June 13, 2007, 1:01:39 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30i'm trying to bare with u, but not Succeding!

RandomGuy on June 13, 2007, 11:19:53 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyOk i have come up with a chapter name. so i will start ....eventually...imma call it Helios, the Awakening for obvious reasons 0.0. Anyway what ever happened to u suggesting me story ideas. I've been trying desperately to write Eternal Ivarice but past how it turned out on paper its not coming to me so im having a really hard time on it >_< i need another idea so when i finish this i have something to work on

blusand30 on June 13, 2007, 12:58:17 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30i'm soooo sorry...it's just i've been busy. normally i'm not, but this week has been havoc.

blusand30 on June 12, 2007, 10:52:52 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30okay i've read it...where did Leon go? to find his father.....or do something for the battle himself?

RandomGuy on June 13, 2007, 1:52:26 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyhehehe even more questions =P Well thier still are 2 more chapters left so you best be prepared lol I'm still debating on a chapter name since i won't start on it till later today probaly. hmmmmmm anyway can i get a rating and other then the obvious next chapter question u have any others 0.0

blusand30 on June 13, 2007, 1:13:20 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30i would give it a seven.......out of a hundred...no, out of ten. the story is slowly building up to the climax....not how long it takes u to post the chapters, just how the story progresses towards the war and Leon's quest. here's a question: how come Kayla hasn't used her powers yet? is it for somethin special? is she supposed save someone's life unexpectdly?

RandomGuy on June 14, 2007, 4:30:19 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyso u gave the story a 7/10 ? 0.0...ok....u don't give any reason but i guess by this point even if u where to see what was going to happen next It wouldn't change ur mind much. I can't help the chapters that a long time to finish because I'm not going to make them crappy and I'm not going to lie about how i feel when i write. I can understand u having to wait so long but i got stuff to do on top of this too. Anyway this chapter will clear up all the questions your going to ask and it will complelty single out Kayla and Leon's affection for each other because i  should have done it awhile back. These two chapters will explain what will be to happen of the Twin cities and all of its ppl and the last chapter will explain what the wolrd must do in response to the Twin cities. The story takes a bit to get directly to the point but if u do get from the story what it meant to me to write it down then this will surely out weight the wait. if not then im pretty sure alot of the meaning of the story u missed and thier is sadly nothing i can do for that 

blusand30 on June 15, 2007, 5:57:02 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30dude, u made me feel bad now : (....i really liked the stpry...it's not how long it takes u to put it up, just that the story progresses kind of slowly....and i don't have anything against how long it takes u to post up the chapters...i've waited longer. but now u can take your time just not too long...because school's finally over! u didn't answer my question though....why hasn't Kayla used her powers yet? is it for somethin special?.......is she supposed save Leon's life or help him find his dad.........

RandomGuy on June 15, 2007, 6:51:32 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyChances are if you can read a book like Harry potter or Lord of the rings then this shouldn't be any where as long as those. Especially Lord of the Rings because J.r.r Tolkein is extremely detialed so the movie is nothing compared to how long the book is. Both ways the time it takes me to actually write them probaly doesn't help and is probaly the problem. Your expecting a ton in a chapter that takes awhile but it doesn't really get to that until these chapters. And these finlize everything by the end if you really payed attention thier shouldn't be any questions.

blusand30 on June 16, 2007, 6:03:49 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30You sound really pissed off. I have read Harry Potter, all of them. However, i haven't read Lord of the Rings, it's just too long. I read The Hobbit and that was fine. I don't have any questions, since you cleared up the Kayla part. i have an idea for a story, but i'll get back to you on that, if it doesn't sound to retarted. I think I spelled that wrong.

RandomGuy on June 17, 2007, 5:16:15 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyI'm not pissed so its ok but if someone gives me a rating that i may find unexceptable then i want some justification. As for as what i've done wrong to get 7 out of 10 you haven't really said much bad so i don't see how it got to be that low if u've been reading it so long. I'm open to any story suggestions but this story is set in stone so thier isn't anything more im going to change. it was only this area where i added new things because when i orginally wrote the story it didn't make as much since during this part or i just thought i could do better

blusand30 on June 17, 2007, 11:29:51 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30ohhh.well i cold give it a 9 out of 10 then. dont mind the spelling. im in kind of a hurry.

RandomGuy on June 17, 2007, 1:56:02 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyEven if u gave it a 1 out of 10 i still want your honest opinion and i want you to leave comments and statements and why you think so. I want to be able to fix and mold mistakes for future stories and maybe even this one.

blusand30 on June 18, 2007, 3:13:59 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30That is an honest answer....i guess 7 out of 10 wasn't that fair so 8 and a half or 9 out of ten is better. there really isn't anything to fix in this story...it's flawless....^^. the 9 is because, you cleared some stuff up that I didn't exactly get.

RandomGuy on June 18, 2007, 10:36:44 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuySorry if i sound harsh and demanding but i really need a good honest opinion and its not that im saying ur lying i just want to make it clear i want u to think about how u really feel about it because if its good then u don't change it but if u sence thier is something wrong then i can fix it or i can clarify it or i can even take it out if it just doesn't sound right. And i know that the detial of the story could be a heck of alot better but im going for the realism of the chr's. You will notice its the stories that have the chr's everyone loves that make the game/book the most enjoyable. Anyway i should gring enough to finish this chapter by the end of the week

blusand30 on June 18, 2007, 2:36:52 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30This is a verrrrriiieeeeee honest answer! You said that if I can read harry potter, then this shouldn't be nearly as long as that. Even with harry potter, i skip stuff. yeah stupid I know, but stuff like the Quiditch matches (how the hell am i supposed to spell that?) i skip. Many of the conversations i skip. I mean do we nead to know how Snape feels towards harry in every book? This story doesn't have unnecessary details like Harry Potter. It's just that, it progresses kinda slowly towards the climax. I do have one question though: earlier on in the story there was a pregnant girl or woman, what happened to her? was she there for a significant purpose? or was tha just someone random Leon met?

RandomGuy on June 19, 2007, 12:32:35 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuylmao ur gonna flip when u see her purpose in the story cause it comes up in a few chapters. Kinda spiols her dramatic entrace but when u see how she compares to the story u will probaly laugh.

blusand30 on June 19, 2007, 12:43:24 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30I'm gonna flip, once I know her purpose in the story? what is she there for Leon and Kayla's sake? dude, you have a habit of leaving the worse cliffhangers!

RandomGuy on June 19, 2007, 2:59:15 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyworse cliffhangers in a good way or a bad way 0.0?....suspense is good for ya...keeps u on ur toes and intrested....besides it is kind of funny. and no directly she doesn't have muc to do with them but indirectly she has a funny twist. of course if i tell u how they meet up again and all that jazz i would mess up this part of the story.
 

blusand30 on June 20, 2007, 6:10:56 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30in a good way! yeah sure suspense is good if you're the writer, but makes the reader impatient. lol!

RandomGuy on June 25, 2007, 1:02:59 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyWell I'm a day late but i got it done. This chapter had alot of meaning to me and i think even with the cirumstances of band and school that it came out pretty good. may be some changed in the future but for the most part this is it. Hope you like the last chapter =P

RandomGuy on June 15, 2007, 6:42:45 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyWell if the story where any shorter i could hardly even call it a game. Its actually short compared to any other game thats why i added other sections to help out other parts of the story. If you wanna know the story is only 8 chapters. So its more then half way over. Since i haven't been inspired to write something diffrent i will probaly put up Eternal Ivarice in a few days after i finalize the Prologue. If it sounds crappy then chances r i will leave it until i find something better in a Sci-Fi game. And Kayla's powers are only a relfection of Leon's It did not make since for a woman who lived in a castle all her life to pick up a sword and be automatically good with it so she can't fight. She has other purposes, and her power is not what makes her important. -.-

blusand30 on June 13, 2007, 1:05:41 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30i got a chapter name, how bout......The Chapter That Took A Month Too Finish.............just playing...i thought u said it was going to be called: Helios, the Awakening as u said "for obvious reasons". i thought it signaled some sort of start of the war....and Leon getting some help from a someone with his powers.......that was a lot of typing.

RandomGuy on June 8, 2007, 10:06:45 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuylawl XD i love ur humor so funny =P. Anyway its already summer here. Schools was out last week. (yay). Band camp,life,and just overall laziness has prompted me to not write...or for that matter be to close to my compy. Anyway i summarized the story for my freind and he was like damn its good and all but he asked me a really really good question. " In the beggining of the book the man who Leon was chasing told him in his note to go to the Twin cities. And then in Drenora Damien told Leon to go to the Twin cities....So....Is Damien the man he's been chasing". Did u ever wonder that question 0.0?

blusand30 on June 8, 2007, 11:20:33 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30thanks! lol! u're lucky i still have a week of school left. i get out on June 15th...hmmm...actually i didn't think about that....Damien being the guy Leon was chasing would be a very good twist in the story..... just one quest. did your friend really say that, or r u just writing that as a clue or somethin.....just wondering..........

RandomGuy on June 8, 2007, 1:50:46 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyno like it surprise the heck out of me because i never thought about it like that lol XD he's smarter then i actually thought he was lol but i just wanted to know if u ever thought of it like that because when i actually get to explain it to someone all of the things that are hidden in the story start coming to light more and it actually helped me to  listen to his questions.

blusand30 on May 27, 2007, 7:50:58 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30okay i've read both chapters. how are they gonna win the war if nearly everyone is dying? soo....John, Leon, Lenneth(did i spell that right?), Kayla, and those guys from the Sanction? they're the ones with the power right? i don't like the cliffhanger..now i have to wait for like 3 4 days...

RandomGuy on May 27, 2007, 8:30:26 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuylol just know after the next chapter ur going to see all of this in a new light because ....well...i can't tell because yet ur gonna have to see but its a long chapter and pretty complicated.,...o yea...How kyoko died...yea....it wasn't suppose to happen....you see the only reason the chapters r so fast is because i alreayd wrote the story once im just going back and adding detial and parts of the story to make others better like the part on the baot with the pregnent woman....i added that to this version...kyko dying...i added that too...now i feel bad.......im gonna miss not having her around anyway to keep u in suspense the next chapter is "The Reckoning of the Blood War" enjoy =P

blusand30 on May 27, 2007, 8:58:49 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30thanks, "The Reckoning of the Blood War"

that's your definition of "enjoy"? keeping someone in suspense?!

RandomGuy on May 27, 2007, 9:01:49 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuylol Don't worry it should be good well...getting up to the good part could put u in even more suspense so......yea... but i guess since i have nothing better to do i may as well start on it =P

blusand30 on May 21, 2007, 7:21:48 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30season finale of Heroes? Naruto? you watch a lot of tv don't you?

RandomGuy on May 27, 2007, 5:04:47 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyWell the next chapter is up somewhat. Its short and i probaly should have just combined it with the other chapter but the titles of the chapter where diffrent from the content so it seemed more appropriate for 2 seperate chapters anyway u never commented on the last chapter so i have no idea if u took a look or read but say something so i know ur thier 0.0 the next 3 chapters should be the best and after them...well i guess u will see now u won't u?

blusand30 on May 27, 2007, 7:26:18 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30i'm really sorry, i was kinda busy...but i'm gonna read it right now.

RandomGuy on May 23, 2007, 10:36:13 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyI Descided To post this Chapter in 2 seperates parts since this part speaks for it self. After you read it i want to really tell you some history about how things turn out but tell me what you think of it first

RandomGuy on May 21, 2007, 12:36:46 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyno actually Heroes is the only reason i turn on the TV and i watch all my anime online. I on't have to wait for naruto episodes until i hit 245.....unfortunatly i actually am that far with naruto but heroes was awesome tonight lol anyway its like 10 30 and i won't be able to wake up in the mourning if i don't go to sleep i'll get the story up tommrow hopefully provided nothing goes unexpected.

blusand30 on May 22, 2007, 7:49:19 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30i've never watched heores......is it good?

RandomGuy on May 22, 2007, 8:03:34 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyits like a reality form of x-men. All the powers and stuff but real life problems and more convincing story line. Its startings its secound season soon but u can watch the entire series now on NBC.com if u want to catch up to everyone else. 23 episodes so far and thier an hour long to u better be ready lol

blusand30 on May 23, 2007, 7:38:44 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30thanks for the website....i'll try watching it

RandomGuy on April 8, 2007, 9:12:54 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyit must sound better in my head then it does on paper lol anyway to let u know it wasn't his dad that spoke to him you have to think back to the being that gave him the Twilight.....( hint the bible) you should have figured it out >_< and cause i wasn't thinking till after i stopped this chapter has about 3 pages that need to be added because the next chapter is all about the princess and Leon( btw did you get the ending.....cause u didn't say it and thier actually is meaning to the last few lines you should read back to what Leon couldn't remember till now) ok i think i gave enough away from the story i meant it to have stuff ppl werent' suppose to easily catch (hint hint) and can u give me a number rating too( like 1 out of 10 or something) with ur opinion overall as well thnx =P

blusand30 on April 9, 2007, 2:16:35 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30So, the being was God. Right? I though it would be his dad considering that he is where he only because he was looking for his dad. And the other thing the princess's name is Kayla...that seems kind of correct. I thought that Leon an Kayla had something...that was sort of clear seeing the way she acted around Leon. I haven't read the rest that you just added. I just came online. Out of ten I'll give you nine, only because I sort of got lost at one or two places. Like the part with Kayla using her powers. I had to reread it twice inorder to get what had happened. I think what it meant was that her power momentarily increased Leon's Twilight...Besides that it was great!

RandomGuy on May 2, 2007, 10:33:02 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyBTW i also had a change in ideas with the part of the story so u may see it early but don't get ur hopes up.I will probaly name it "Heaven Cries" and you will see full well the name to the part of the story.anyway im glad ur still trying to read even if i am slow >_< if u could make up an email at yahoo to contact me on it would be helpful alot. my email adrss is GreatDestroyer90@yahoo.com if u do email me

blusand30 on May 18, 2007, 11:14:16 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30yeah i'm sorry but i can't give out my email to anyone. even if it is one that i don't use. sorry!

RandomGuy on May 9, 2007, 10:42:05 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyOk I updated lol This Chapter was really sad to me and hard to right but i finally got the music down to write it and it came out pretty well. I like it and you should too i hopes...sorry i haven't updated in awhile i have been handeling school and other projects. I'm back to writing this one however so i will be updating faster...when u start being able to read again maybe i will have 2 chapters and a 3rd on the way tell me how you like it when you come back on ok?
BTW I have two projects that may soon come out too. "With Heart And Voice" is the new one i just started and im 36 pages into a rough draft so you may get to see that next

blusand30 on May 18, 2007, 11:12:50 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30okay so i'm back from the freakin testing. took a llllllloooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg @$$ time. so i'mback and u said you'd have a 3rd chapter, but it's not there.

that was really good. kinda.....romantic. lol!


i just have one little suggestion, use one tense. i think in this story first person in present tense would be best. but you kinda switch around with that sometimes.

"So I was right to assume you where a couple only question I got is why your out this far” An old man steps into the Shack we where in. The Shack was small and only had one bed and some supplies.
This is what i mean......you switched the tense and made into a play.


also the part where Kayla and Leon finally talk should have cleared up how Kayla knew him......just throwing some random ideas..........

RandomGuy on May 20, 2007, 11:15:15 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyo yea i didn't read the comment about the tense of the story till now but thier is a reason why its written the way it is and its explained at the end of the story as well

blusand30 on May 20, 2007, 3:04:21 PM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30oh....i guess that's okay....but i just find it kinda hard....

RandomGuy on May 21, 2007, 6:55:56 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuysrry but i admire complexity in stories and its how i learned to write. I like stories that are compelleing and yet simply put. But the complexity falls with the deeper meaning of the story and usually hows its told or written. I like to be able to enjoy it time and time again and be able to actually figure out something new to it you know?

blusand30 on May 21, 2007, 7:13:44 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30yeah i guess......it does make it more interesting....

RandomGuy on May 18, 2007, 12:05:16 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyok ok i get the present tense thing cause i do like switching....i think its 3rd person which gets into seaveral chr's minds but it may be second anyway i think u should have gotten everything about leon and kayla like tell me what u don't get and i'll go back and see if i actually missed something

blusand30 on May 20, 2007, 4:15:17 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30nothing was really confusing confusing it's just i had to read like 3 times over to get...but i thought there was going to be more clearing up....

RandomGuy on May 20, 2007, 6:20:22 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuywhat are you looking to be clearing up? you mean like y he doesn't remember her because i can tell u now you won't y until the end of the story so ur stuck in the dark with that one lol. The next chapter is more of whats to come and it should clear up some stuff from this one but probaly just leave you with more questions lol

RandomGuy on May 18, 2007, 2:00:47 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuykinda romantic ='( >_< its like im not even doing my job -.-

blusand30 on May 20, 2007, 4:09:55 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30lol! i said kind of......

RandomGuy on May 20, 2007, 6:34:24 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyjust to let u know thier is a Legend of Twilght 3 cause its broken up 3 tmes but thats in another 2 or 3 chapters but im throwing it out thier

blusand30 on May 20, 2007, 8:04:51 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30oh....how soon? cuz i'm kinda restless right now....

RandomGuy on May 20, 2007, 8:06:36 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyI'm actually about 3/5 done with it now but im restless too and i want to go watch some anime lol so i may not have the attention span to finish the chapter im working on

blusand30 on May 20, 2007, 8:11:07 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30lucky! you have time to go watch t.v still trying finish my homework.
can u help me with this one thing?

yes?
I need some ideas....i'm making a model of Las Vegas i have the buildings done, but just need some ideas for decor. ande stuff.......

RandomGuy on May 20, 2007, 8:30:50 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuy.....say what about los vegas lol 0.0 ummm did u try the big sign of las vegas? or the casinos? u can probaly find something off watchign screen shots of Grand theft auto too......but i don't think im in help at all so back to naruto lol

blusand30 on May 20, 2007, 8:34:35 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30yeah... i have those things already...never mind

RandomGuy on May 20, 2007, 10:24:55 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyGlad to help =P

blusand30 on May 20, 2007, 10:28:10 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30glad to get the help ^^

RandomGuy on May 20, 2007, 11:07:56 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuylol ok i should be done in like 30 minutes...provided my mom doesn't come curse me out for chores cause i watched 4 episodes of naruto

blusand30 on May 21, 2007, 7:14:36 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30done with what?

RandomGuy on May 21, 2007, 7:19:50 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuythe story but yesterday i got sleepy and today i got a banqeut and the season finale of Heroes so prbaly tommrow lol

RandomGuy on April 9, 2007, 8:21:15 PM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyyay she got it =P and this story skips around alot stuff like the Twilight doesn't take long to get answers for but stuff like his father take the entire book to find out including the secret ending at the end lol. and now i have to write an entire chapter on how he has to remember her........this is gonna be so hard.....ok ur a girl......what would u do if a guy u fell in love with left for 3 years promising he would come back and when he comes back he has no memmmory of u cause thats what she is feeling right now

blusand30 on April 10, 2007, 6:05:35 AM

blusand30 on (Chapter: index)
blusand30wait, did you really leave a reply at 3 in the morning? that's just......never mind...if i fell in love with some guy and he left for 3 years and he has no memmory of me i don't know what i would do........i might try to help him remember, and when he does ask him what happened and stuff.....i guess.....after hearing him out i'll decide yes or no........

RandomGuy on April 10, 2007, 6:18:47 AM

RandomGuy on (Chapter: index)
RandomGuyyeaa....i had a feeling you'd say something like that....just hard putting it into words from a guys point of veiw =P and no i didn't reply at 3 in the mourning the time for fan art is almost 12 hours behind the actual time where i live so its kinda weird seeing it....-.- anyway i guess after i watch my movie i will try and start since the next chapter which i named "Sands of Memmory" for a reason is all about them getting across the desert stuck together =P