Super Smash Bros: Armageddon

WHOA! What intensity! O_O

well sonic defected, my personal favorite of the hedgehog family shadow is up and moving, and fox is on a roll. wonder if hes part cat? anyway, great work.

oh wow that was good... will the full power of the triforce be too much to bear? find out in 1 of the next incredable installments of SSBA... wonderful work man, great 15th chapter. i eagerly await the next chapter

Thanks ^^.

ooh hes a devious 1 dash is.....lemme guess.....hes gonna say we killed em all as public but in secret the whole hyrule thing was a fiasco?

hey just a quick question, is Pokemon ever gonna stumble into this? cause i want to see Pikachu or some other Pokemon please.

Pokemon?

heeheehee, never mind

oh, the awesome action is nearing!
I demand more!

reading over my past comments, did i inspire you to put sonic into this mess or what? and if sonic is on team mushroom where does that place eggman and shadow? crushed opposition?

I guess you'll just have to wait and see ^^.

this is going to rock

all and all this is very good so far. it would make an excellent comic book mini series. and i for 1 would buy it. eagerly anticipating more.

As much as I'd like to do it in comic form, I couldn't draw to save my life.
Oh well.

he was talking about Midna, wasn't he?

Yes, he was.

hooray for Rusl!
i must read more!

great job rusl. you woke up link from his blue funk. i want more!

oh no fox!
wwaahhhh!
that was so sad.
i'll keep on reading!

ohh, this is getting exciting!

oh my this is really getting good. you have the mark of an excellent writer. im serious you should consider getting this made into a comic book dude/dudette =]

ok that explainns what happened to zelda, and im glad that krystal has gotten her head out of the clouds again

ok so not marth and co but definetly one of the good guys. but my question is was he dealing with shiek/zelda or sombody different, if it wasn't zelda what happened to her?

oook now we get the forces of marth and co. pity about fox tho. that was sad

this is starting to sound like all will not end well for dee dee dee and metaknight should this be darkness marios doing

that bit at the end of the chapter was a good finish to it, eager for more

im realy likeing this

oh now this is funny.....where does sonic come into this mess is my question

this is bloomin brilliant man!

next chapter...a good read

interesting. this sounds pretty darn good so far man.

woot! awesome! i like it more and more with every chapter! i'll keep reading!

This is getting really good!

Awesome! It's getting really really good!

this is getting better and better! I love it!

This story is getting very interesting! I like it!

I never thought Mario Bros could be so violent. That was interesting though. I liked it!

Nice. I think the writing in this one is a little better. Good job. :P

Nicley done! However, I'd advise that you put in spacing between dialogue and paragraphs. It's a little difficult to read. :P

Wow. This is taking an unexpectedly interesting turn of events! :P

The action is nearing!!! :P

The plot thickens!

Make preperations for War of the Worlds!!! :P

I like the end to this chapter, its sweet, can't wait to read more!!!

I don't know why, but I started laughing at the part where Kirby appeared.

I though Mario told everyone about the other worlds after he got rid of Daisy?

The story's beginning to get very interesting. :P

Wow, this is getting great!!!!!! Its really long but worth reading, let me know when you newest chapter comes, k?

KIRBY!!!!

...I think?

Keep trying! Don't let anyone (especially...no...exclusively me) get you down with their harsh criticism! :P

Thanks ^^.

KEEP WRITING!!!!!!, my friend should read this, I'll pass on the message!!!!

Deodusk told me too read it btw

Thanks for reading! And thanks for helping to spread the word ^^.

I really like how Pious is able to toy with Mario's head so much, even before dying. This chapter seems a little better (though you may wanna check some of your grammar).

All this talk about giving into darkness and other worlds seems like Kingdom Hearts. And the thing with "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate...leads to suffering" and "Join me, and we can rule the (universe) together!" seems a lot like Star Wars. I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, though.

Nice job. It's really getting interesting. :P

I think that Mario jumping to the conclusion of Bowser being behind it all seems a bit hasty. If he did so because he was sad and confused and wanted revenge, then I think that those feelings should have been emphasised just a little more. Again, it would have been better to provide more depth of character development for Bowser as well as background for the Koopa Clan in order to make the story a little more potent.

But overall, this is pretty interesting. I look forward to more chapters.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! (Sorry. Had to say it.) :P

Thanks again. I should probably mention that these were written beforehand.

Oh.

Erm...okay then. I sball keep this in mind. (I usually update as I write chapters, so this is a new concept to me) :P

That was...interesting. The story's pretty interesting and I like the detail. I just thought it was strange to see the Mario Bros placed into such a serious story of murder. Good job overall.

I haven't written anything in months, but please read AS if you have the time! :P

Thank you for your comment. And yes, I would appreciate constructive commentary, no matter how scathing they may be.
 
By the way, SixDigit has shown me alot of your artwork, and I have to say, you've got real talent. I may not agree with some of your jokes, but that's just me. You keep up the good work.

Thank you very much! I didn't realize that my jokes were controversial.

As far as constructive commentary goes, I think the first problem was the past tense vs. present tense. You start out with present and lead into past, which may be just a little confusing.

The rest is entirely my opinion and I'm not an expert on this or anything, so don't put all of your trust into what I say.

I think it would be better to establish a little more background to the characters before going into the story too much. It doesn't have to be a lot, but maybe provide more feeling and history for them so that the drama is more substantial. Heading into a (excuse the term) tragedy with with little insight on the characters' emotions and background makes the story feel a bit rushed. For example, it would be better to go more into depth of how Mario felt at the celebration and how he felt Peach's presence there so that his reaction to her death would be more real.

The sudden shift in the chapter's tone may also need some adjusting. I think it would've been better for Grey Fox's appearance to ease into the plot, rather than for him to suddenly show up and start killing people.

An example of another course that this story could have taken would be perhaps security could report that there was an uninvited guest wandering around and Mario tells them to get rid of him, and then the guard reports that the people sent to throw him out did not return, slowly building up to the point at which murder is attempted Mario's life. It would allow the reader to feel Mario's need to keep peace for Peach's special day but also the tension that something is going wrong and that something bad will happen.

I also think that moving focus from Mario to Grey Fox and vice versa creates an unneeded friction between the two. By being able to go into Grey Fox's mind and hear his thoughts, it takes away the mystery and danger that he holds as the murderer. Perhaps through conversation his background and purpose could be gradually revealed or perhaps by some other means. Another possibility would be to rework the chapter entirely and simply tell the entire scenario through his eyes instead.

But, I don't want to ruin your fun by letting all of these things in the way. Just write what you think feels right and don't let anything I say get in the way of your drive. This is all entirely one person's opinion.

Thanks again! :P

Again, thank you.