Hidden Sparks (A Naruto Fanfic)
Submitted June 26, 2007 Updated August 12, 2010 Status Incomplete | A story about the Hidden Sparks team! Dont be scared of the # of chaps!!! Most of them are Super Short! So really, its like there is 20-24 chapters!!!! The ratings are just to be safe, its better to be too high with them than too low ^_^ ~JJ
Category:
Anime/Manga » Naruto series » Fan Characters (OC's) |
Chapters
Chapter 1 - The New Team 7
Submitted: June 26, 2007 • Updated: May 29, 2008
Word count: 271 • Size: 1k • Comments: 13 • views: 410
Chapter 2 - Ding Aling
Submitted: June 26, 2007 • Updated: May 29, 2008
Word count: 641 • Size: 3k • Comments: 7 • views: 376
Chapter 3 - Team 7 Tournament part 1
Submitted: June 28, 2007 • Updated: June 28, 2007
Word count: 716 • Size: 4k • Comments: 7 • views: 245
Chapter 4 - Team 7 Tournament part 2
Submitted: July 12, 2007 • Updated: July 12, 2007
Word count: 500 • Size: 3k • Comments: 6 • views: 275
Chapter 5 - C-rank disappointment
Submitted: July 19, 2007 • Updated: July 19, 2007
Word count: 337 • Size: 1k • Comments: 6 • views: 216
Chapter 6 - A Bad Demon Brings Love
Submitted: July 22, 2007 • Updated: July 22, 2007
Word count: 365 • Size: 2k • Comments: 4 • views: 275
Chapter 7 - Gennin-napped
Submitted: July 28, 2007 • Updated: July 28, 2007
Word count: 283 • Size: 1k • Comments: 5 • views: 219
Chapter 8 - The Attempt to Escape
Submitted: July 30, 2007 • Updated: July 30, 2007
Word count: 251 • Size: 1k • Comments: 4 • views: 262
Chapter 9 - The Two Human Obstacles
Submitted: July 31, 2007 • Updated: July 31, 2007
Word count: 236 • Size: 1k • Comments: 4 • views: 225
Chapter 10 - Quick Note (not part of the story)
Submitted: July 31, 2007 • Updated: July 31, 2007
Word count: 37 • Size: <1k • Comments: 0 • views: 206
Chapter 11 - Shadow Clone Comet Lotus
Submitted: August 20, 2007 • Updated: August 20, 2007
Word count: 635 • Size: 3k • Comments: 4 • views: 287
Chapter 12 - The Demon of the Mist
Submitted: August 21, 2007 • Updated: August 21, 2007
Word count: 613 • Size: 3k • Comments: 4 • views: 281
Chapter 13 - Inside the Cage
Submitted: August 24, 2007 • Updated: August 24, 2007
Word count: 202 • Size: 1k • Comments: 3 • views: 200
Chapter 14 - Mew vs. Tenno- Sensei's Blood Line Trait!
Submitted: August 29, 2007 • Updated: August 29, 2007
Word count: 784 • Size: 4k • Comments: 5 • views: 334
Chapter 15 - Recap (MUST READ THE LAST PARAGRAPH!!!)
Submitted: August 30, 2007 • Updated: August 30, 2007
Word count: 407 • Size: 2k • Comments: 5 • views: 231
Chapter 16 - A New Life
Submitted: September 12, 2007 • Updated: September 12, 2007
Word count: 711 • Size: 4k • Comments: 6 • views: 261
Chapter 17 - Walk Into Random Peoples Houses Day
Submitted: September 18, 2007 • Updated: September 18, 2007
Word count: 495 • Size: 2k • Comments: 4 • views: 194
Chapter 18 - 3:00 A.M. 2nd Attempt
Submitted: September 19, 2007 • Updated: September 19, 2007
Word count: 286 • Size: 1k • Comments: 6 • views: 212
Chapter 19 - Dan's 1st Exam
Submitted: October 3, 2007 • Updated: October 4, 2007
Word count: 735 • Size: 4k • Comments: 5 • views: 233
Chapter 20 - Should I or Should I not?: Its Now or Never!
Submitted: October 17, 2007 • Updated: October 18, 2007
Word count: 434 • Size: 2k • Comments: 11 • views: 223
Chapter 21 - Emo Corner
Submitted: October 28, 2007 • Updated: October 28, 2007
Word count: 213 • Size: 1k • Comments: 3 • views: 258
Chapter 22 - Binded and Blinded: Pass The Obstacle Course
Submitted: October 28, 2007 • Updated: October 28, 2007
Word count: 381 • Size: 2k • Comments: 4 • views: 213
Chapter 23 - Don't Die
Submitted: October 29, 2007 • Updated: October 29, 2007
Word count: 298 • Size: 1k • Comments: 6 • views: 204
Chapter 24 - Zeus and Ares
Submitted: December 8, 2007 • Updated: December 8, 2007
Word count: 309 • Size: 1k • Comments: 6 • views: 206
Chapter 25 - Note: This isnt a real cahpter but still...read it
Submitted: December 9, 2007 • Updated: December 9, 2007
Word count: 94 • Size: <1k • Comments: 5 • views: 192
Chapter 26 - Quizyish thing for readers
Submitted: December 23, 2007 • Updated: December 24, 2007
Word count: 38 • Size: <1k • Comments: 5 • views: 184
Chapter 27 - Winnie's New Jutsu
Submitted: December 31, 2007 • Updated: December 31, 2007
Word count: 196 • Size: 1k • Comments: 1 • views: 224
Chapter 28 - The Best Way To Start a New Year...Or is It?
Submitted: January 1, 2008 • Updated: January 1, 2008
Word count: 490 • Size: 2k • Comments: 2 • views: 208
Chapter 29 - A 3rd Uchiha!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Submitted: February 10, 2008 • Updated: February 26, 2008
Word count: 430 • Size: 2k • Comments: 3 • views: 213
Chapter 30 - I Feel bad for the Man TT___TT
Submitted: February 11, 2008 • Updated: February 11, 2008
Word count: 715 • Size: 3k • Comments: 3 • views: 201
Chapter 31 - Ryo's past pt 1
Submitted: February 12, 2008 • Updated: February 12, 2008
Word count: 553 • Size: 2k • Comments: 3 • views: 209
Chapter 32 - Ryo's Past pt 2
Submitted: February 22, 2008 • Updated: February 22, 2008
Word count: 599 • Size: 3k • Comments: 4 • views: 186
Chapter 33 - An Offer
Submitted: February 22, 2008 • Updated: February 22, 2008
Word count: 453 • Size: 2k • Comments: 1 • views: 216
Chapter 34 - A Completed Day
Submitted: February 22, 2008 • Updated: February 22, 2008
Word count: 628 • Size: 3k • Comments: 2 • views: 200
Chapter 35 - 1 More day til decision
Submitted: April 23, 2008 • Updated: April 23, 2008
Word count: 311 • Size: 1k • Comments: 2 • views: 186
Chapter 36 - 1 Minute
Submitted: April 25, 2008 • Updated: April 25, 2008
Word count: 642 • Size: 3k • Comments: 2 • views: 201
Chapter 37 - The Decision
Submitted: May 11, 2008 • Updated: May 11, 2008
Word count: 530 • Size: 2k • Comments: 5 • views: 180
Chapter 38 - The Decision pt 2 - The "Help"
Submitted: May 27, 2008 • Updated: May 27, 2008
Word count: 448 • Size: 2k • Comments: 2 • views: 155
Chapter 39 - Deidara vs Dan! pt 1
Submitted: May 28, 2008 • Updated: May 28, 2008
Word count: 434 • Size: 2k • Comments: 3 • views: 217
Chapter 40 - The Two-Way Conflicts
Submitted: September 29, 2008 • Updated: September 30, 2008
Word count: 840 • Size: 4k • Comments: 1 • views: 167
Chapter 41 - Werewolf Hunters: Jamal, Ryo, and Nova
Submitted: October 16, 2008 • Updated: August 12, 2010
Word count: 389 • Size: 2k • Comments: 1 • views: 287
Comments
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winxgirl21 on April 26, 2008, 3:03:58 AM
suspense! Update soon! =)winxgirl21 on April 26, 2008, 2:57:53 AM
uh-oh. i hope they make good decisions...winxgirl21 on April 12, 2008, 3:12:06 AM
lol. niice. XD great chapter. =)SunaNoFara on March 28, 2008, 11:03:14 AM
Hm, it's a nice start, but it lacks a lot of detail. Â
First of all, instead of putting breaks in between each scene like you did "In the Classroom" at the top, you could describe the time of day, the weather, who was in the classroom, what they were doing, and so on along with telling the reader that they were in a classroom--but be sure to say what kind of classroom it is (the Ninja Academy, in this case). It doesn't create any real visual in the readers mind with just "classroom". And it's the same thing with the very first sentence:
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"The teacher was calling out teams and then Celine and Jamal bursted through the doors "
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What was the teacher's expression? Who was the teacher? How was s/he calling out the names? Was the teacher calling names at all (it says "calling out teams)? What was s/he wearing? Was the teacher a man or a woman? You left all these questions that help give the reader an idea of what you saw when you wrote this story unanswered. Of course, not all of these questions' answers are needed, but there are more, and some detail needs to be added that doesn't really have to do with the teacher, but the students in the classroom that were listening to him/her (Were some of them not even paying attention?).Â
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Moving onto the next part of the sentence. First of all, "bursted" isn't a real word (just to let you know). The reader might be able to see Jamal and Celine burst through the doors panting or whatnot -- but was that your intention? Did you see the two "burst" through the doors happily, or frantically or something different from what I saw? Describe and show us what you saw in your mind when you were writing this. Quoting many English teachers (I am sure), "Show, don't tell."
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On to punctuation: I see that you added a lot of question marks and exclaimation points to the end of Jamal's first spoken sentence in the story. Going along with details, I'd suggest only adding a couple of "?" and "!" to the end of dialogue sentences with a lot of emotion in them. Just "show" us what/how his expression or tone of voice did/changed during the end or beginning or middle of that sentence. Sentences with just punctuation at the end doesn't give a visual of what is really going on inside the character's head. I also noticed that there are no clear endings to the end of your sentences (well, the end of the paragraph is clear, but not the sentences.) You have no periods or cammas or any other type of punctuation besides the question marks and the exclaimation points. "..." does not END a sentence, it shows a pause, but cannot be put in the place a comma all the time. Utilizing correct punctuation will help the reader understand exactly how you want your sentences to sound.Â
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Your story really does have a good plot so far. It's just detail and  punctuation that are the main problems. I'm sorry if I seem a little harsh, but that the way it is. ^^'
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 -- Faramae
SunaNoFara on March 28, 2008, 11:04:00 AM
Ugh, I hate it when it puts all those weird "A"'s and makes it hard to read -_-'winxgirl21 on March 21, 2008, 1:42:48 AM
Celine won! lol. Awesome fighting scene.winxgirl21 on March 21, 2008, 1:38:04 AM
Awesome chapter. =) Teamwork is very important.and now they get to celebrate!winxgirl21 on March 8, 2008, 8:55:12 AM
Sounds like this is going to be good. =)kogalover2013 on March 7, 2008, 7:42:09 AM
coo but y dose s/he use rassingan dats narutosKonohasdarkshadow on March 7, 2008, 4:28:04 PM
rasengan is a jutsu...ANYONE CAN LEARN IT!!!! ^_^...seeKonohasdarkshadow on March 7, 2008, 4:29:06 PM
i was going to do an explanation on jutsu and stuff...but im too lazy...i will leave that stuff to sakurakogalover2013 on March 8, 2008, 8:00:19 AM
lol o kogalover2013 on March 7, 2008, 7:49:06 AM
coo but da a rank whould draw more attention lol kÂ