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ShamefulMetaphors

ShamefulMetaphors's Profile

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Username ShamefulMetaphors Gender Male
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Last visit # Pictures 27
# Comments Given185

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I'm still not sure why I decide to come over to this site after so long. I don't really draw anymore, if at all really. I've scrolled through many past accounts, at least the ones that are still around. I look through some pretty old memories. I really let myself have it for having been the person I was. Even though people say that we change if we really try, and I have worked so hard to do that, I have improved on the areas that really killed me, but also destroyed those I love around me. I'm treating this as an open mic. I know you're no longer on here. I'm pretty sure you'd rather I didn't come on here again in the first place. After seeing so many things. After having gone through so many things in your absence. I still feel like a huge part of me is missing. There's a lot I have tried to move on. Therapy, religion, medications, a change in lifestyle, but everything seems to circle back to the same answer. I've never had anyone in my life treat me the way you have. With he amount of respect you've given me. With the same amount of consideration. You placed me so high up on a pedestal. You looked up to me.. and all I was ever able to do is let you down and hurt you.. You didn't deserve me, you deserved so much better, so much greater. We had so much we could go by together. Music, art, video games, even movies.. you took me out of my comfort zone and made me feel so loved.. It's strange how it goes when nobody knows you're not alive. I guess there's no way to make love. Not break our hearts. I know I'm not good enough for you, believe me, I stay awake thinking this life gets lonely. Maybe I'm just scared, scared to let you go. I want you to know, right from "Hello" your love just kept me wondering. I loved you so much and still somehow found out a way to let you down. Our love was true, I could tell by the way I looked at you. But I know I'm not good enough for you, I still somehow found a way to let the love of my life leave. I know none of the will ever reach you, and it's probably for the best. I've had things happen where a random number messages me claiming that it's you, very aggressive, very much different from what I used to remember you as. I don't know if I am in denial or not, but I don't want to believe it's you at all.. You're kind, you're loving, you're generous, you're considerate, you're everything any man would be so fortunate to have in their lives.. and yet, I still mopped the floor with you. My heart still aches. I'm still moving around in the rubble from the destruction I've made. And even though I've rebuilt everything that I can for myself, I still feel the cracks can't hold their own. Even in other avenues, trying to be with someone else, I think fondly of you. I don't want to come off as cynical or crazy or obsessed. I'm not about to go and try to ruin your life with my presence there. I know I'm not what you need, I also know I'm not what you want. I miss you so much, and you know I'd go ack and change things, do things differently, you were the one person who only looked out for the best in me. The one person who knew how to talk to me, make sense of how I handled things. When I heard your broken voice over the phone, when I heard how badly I had hurt you, I couldn't understand why I would ever even think about doing it again. I know this life is only just starting. You and I are still very young. You're doing well for yourself, and I sincerely am too. I've started school a while ago and am due to graduate here soon. I'm sure you went to school, too, and are due to graduate as well. Your art is amazing, you were always so good with making up your compositions. I wonder if you ever got around to releasing the story you kept talking to me so much about. I wonder if you ever got around to making the webcomic you kept talking to me about. And even if you didn't get to do those things, I know it's because you were off doing something far better. I know I didn't have much of a direction in my life while I was living there with you. But I'm going to become an audio engineer. I hope you'd still remember how much I loved music. Now I'm actually involved in some production. I wish I could show you some of my stuff, and I wish I could see some of yours.. I know we won't be able to ever see each other again.. and waiting is something that I've been prepared to do.. But I also know it isn't the healthiest thing to do. I really found a way to sever my ties with you and for good. I still very much miss you. As Tall As Lions will forever be one of the bands that always makes me think of you. City and Colour, Local Natives, HRVRD, Bon Iver, Cough Syrup, I remember having been able to get you an ATAL record, how excited you got, I remember how we loved reading boxer hockey and keeping each other updated on the comic whenever a new page was uploaded.. *sigh* I wish I could turn things back to the way they were, but I can't.. I wish we were both in that same place and time to where it all started and have worked things out.. You really are the person that got away.. You really are the love of my life.. You were everything to me.. and I still found how to turn that love you had towards me against you. I'm s sorry for all of the hurt I put you through.. and the residual damage that occurred after the fact that we split. You were the biggest loss in my life. I really did feel as if though someone died.. but I know you haven't.. you're still out there being the best you can be, I'm sure of it. And I'm here.. doing the best I can to be the best version of myself, too. Whether you'd still care or not.. I'm doing ok.. I know you're doing good. You've got a good head on your shoulders, a best friend that's always got your back no matter what, a loving family that'll do anything to help you whenever you need them. You're a hard worker and an even harder person to dislike. Your smile lights up the soul of any person that has the luxury of seeing you. Your eyes have the most tender look that would make any person want to have any kind of conversation with ou.. that's how I remember you at least..


I don't know yet if this Is a mistake or not.. writing things out like this.. so much has happened without you being here.. most of which I wish I could share with you....but most of which, I know you'd want to know nothing about.


My heart's always going to wander around, looking for my abandon.


I put you through hell, this empty feeling is nothing compared to what I dragged you across. I am so sorry.


"I have a feeling we'll meet again." 

I really wish that 'again' was soon.


Boarding that plane was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.


I'm done typing.

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luotakulu on February 17, 2017, 4:48:13 PM

luotakulu on
luotakuluiiiiiiiiiiiit'ssss SHAMEFULL AAHHH XDXDD HIHIHIHIIII I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AWHILEEEE and now you haven't logged in either D: //how have you beeeen? (when you log in someday and see this~~)

ShamefulMetaphors on June 15, 2016, 11:47:24 AM

ShamefulMetaphors on
ShamefulMetaphorsI try and try every day. It's been over two years now.

why is everything clear as day still?

Prussian-Blue on May 14, 2016, 9:29:26 PM

Prussian-Blue on
Prussian-BlueShameful!! I still exist in your life.

ShamefulMetaphors on July 24, 2015, 11:19:19 AM

ShamefulMetaphors on
ShamefulMetaphorsNo lie, I feel like I'm one of the oldest members here? e-e;

*shivers*

luotakulu on July 24, 2015, 7:51:00 PM

luotakulu on
luotakuluWhy hide your age? There's a beauty in getting wiser and older. ;3;

Long time no see, Shameful. :D

HetaliaLover809 on July 4, 2015, 8:53:19 AM

HetaliaLover809 on
HetaliaLover809Hello

Prussian-Blue on July 1, 2015, 10:09:26 AM

Prussian-Blue on
Prussian-BlueHey, um... I'm back!!!

luotakulu on April 1, 2015, 12:53:59 PM

luotakulu on
luotakuluHey! Long time no see, Shameful! How have you been?

Get ready for some April showers! 8D

morphin on March 7, 2015, 3:54:10 PM

morphin on
morphinSorry, haven't been on ages. ^^;

Vogelchen on February 12, 2015, 7:20:57 PM

Vogelchen on
VogelchenHey, this is Prussian-Blue; I lost the password for that account. 

 

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