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Nikora Kirishima

Nikky Kirishima,of The Village Hidden In The Heavens has fallen in love;How can she set aside her feelings for the older boy so she can focus on her studies?It's brains/<3 as she tries to overcome <3,exams,and her newly found identity

Chapters

Chapters

Chapter 1 - A Claranet and Training
Submitted: January 10, 2007 • Updated: February 10, 2007
Word count: 324 • Size: 1k • Comments: 3 • views: 274

Chapter 2 - Finn Kokomo
Submitted: January 31, 2007 • Updated: November 9, 2007
Word count: 575 • Size: 3k • Comments: 2 • views: 214

Chapter 3 - Deciding from the Boy on the Swing
Submitted: February 10, 2007 • Updated: November 9, 2007
Word count: 505 • Size: 2k • Comments: 1 • views: 221

Chapter 4 - Moonlight Training
Submitted: November 9, 2007 • Updated: November 12, 2007
Word count: 337 • Size: 1k • Comments: 0 • views: 160

Chapter 5 - Returning
Submitted: November 9, 2007 • Updated: November 12, 2007
Word count: 285 • Size: 1k • Comments: 0 • views: 180

Chapter 6 - The First Dream
Submitted: November 9, 2007 • Updated: November 12, 2007
Word count: 431 • Size: 2k • Comments: 0 • views: 168

Chapter 7 - Dreams Jutsu?
Submitted: November 9, 2007 • Updated: November 12, 2007
Word count: 935 • Size: 5k • Comments: 2 • views: 202

Chapter 8 - The Festival
Submitted: November 12, 2007 • Updated: November 12, 2007
Word count: 722 • Size: 3k • Comments: 0 • views: 180

Chapter 9 - Fresh Air
Submitted: November 13, 2007 • Updated: November 14, 2007
Word count: 632 • Size: 3k • Comments: 3 • views: 205

Chapter 10 - Nikora's Secret Technique Revealed!
Submitted: November 24, 2007 • Updated: November 26, 2007
Word count: 661 • Size: 3k • Comments: 2 • views: 164

Chapter 11 - Kakashi Hatake
Submitted: November 28, 2007 • Updated: November 28, 2007
Word count: 717 • Size: 3k • Comments: 2 • views: 176

Chapter 12 - The Second Dream
Submitted: November 29, 2007 • Updated: November 29, 2007
Word count: 683 • Size: 3k • Comments: 1 • views: 169

Chapter 13 - Secrets Approved: Finn Kokomo
Submitted: December 10, 2007 • Updated: December 10, 2007
Word count: 360 • Size: 1k • Comments: 0 • views: 155

Chapter 14 - Finn the Flirt: Part 1
Submitted: December 11, 2007 • Updated: December 11, 2007
Word count: 427 • Size: 2k • Comments: 3 • views: 193

Chapter 15 - Finn the Flirt: Part 2
Submitted: December 17, 2007 • Updated: December 17, 2007
Word count: 432 • Size: 2k • Comments: 2 • views: 171

Chapter 16 - Finn the Flirt: Part 3
Submitted: January 9, 2008 • Updated: January 9, 2008
Word count: 350 • Size: 1k • Comments: 4 • views: 164

Chapter 17 - Gai-sensei (i.e. Your worst Nightmare)
Submitted: January 11, 2008 • Updated: January 11, 2008
Word count: 520 • Size: 2k • Comments: 2 • views: 170

Comments

Comments (37)

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Y0URIMAGINARYFRIEND on July 13, 2008, 6:29:40 AM

Y0URIMAGINARYFRIEND on (Chapter: 17)
Y0URIMAGINARYFRIENDI want MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! It's really good! Please?????

Y0URIMAGINARYFRIEND on July 13, 2008, 6:03:38 AM

Y0URIMAGINARYFRIEND on (Chapter: 9)
Y0URIMAGINARYFRIENDOMG! A fight with Neji?!?! And she's not even a genin!

Y0URIMAGINARYFRIEND on July 13, 2008, 6:00:06 AM

Y0URIMAGINARYFRIEND on (Chapter: 3)
Y0URIMAGINARYFRIENDAAAWH! Ikkle cute Naruto all upset 'cause he failed to graduate! Loving it so far!

rlkitten on January 11, 2008, 9:28:41 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: 17)
rlkitten-ck))

SunaNoFara on January 10, 2008, 12:17:55 PM

SunaNoFara on (Chapter: 16)
SunaNoFaraOki-day, critique time! <--will try to make this as well-rounded as she can >_<
 
Get the feeling it's getting a little predictable? (execpt for the orange part XD). And I see a lack of details here. There's a little too much dialouge, you can't really picture much, can you? Well, the dialouge's okay, it's just that there's not enough detail to go with what they're saying. Like, when Gai first appears, all you say about what he's doing is frowning. What pose is he assuming? Why did he frown? Did he come up expecting peace and smiling, all of a sudden his smile fades and turns into a frown?
 
Your sentence structure could be varied a little more. For most of the dialouge, you just had them say the words and then put action after them. Putting the action before or even in the middle of a longer sentence would be great. Remember to vary the structure.
 
The story's not bad -- I can tell you that -- I'm enjoying it so far, it's just that there's little lack of action to go along with they character's words. Maybe that's why you haven't gotten many people reading it. When people read a story they want to have a picture painted for them, not have to guess what they author's meaning to show them. (I don't read much on here because of that reason) Putting more action with it all would make it much more enjoyable^^
 
Lol, I never give comments this long on artwork...I'm not very good with crit'ing art, but I can tell pretty much what's wrong with stories.

rlkitten on January 11, 2008, 8:37:45 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: 16)
rlkittenOne thing I don't get: In the time it took for Tenten to turn around, Gai was already displeased with the fact that they'd ceased training...I suppose.....I dunno: can't explain /\_/\'

SunaNoFara on January 11, 2008, 10:00:20 AM

SunaNoFara on (Chapter: 16)
SunaNoFaraWell, don't tell me! Put it in your story! x3
That's what I mean, explain what exactly happened, 'cause how's anyone supposed to know that it took Tenten time to turn around unless you say sumthin' about it?

rlkitten on January 12, 2008, 8:04:48 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: index)
rlkitten................? i dunno! /\_/\'

SunaNoFara on January 12, 2008, 8:09:47 AM

SunaNoFara on (Chapter: index)
SunaNoFaraCan't you take a hint? -_-'

rlkitten on January 12, 2008, 8:56:52 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: index)
rlkittenYeesss, I dunno how to put it though! I thought it was obvious enough -_-''' "i dunno"

SunaNoFara on January 12, 2008, 8:59:05 AM

SunaNoFara on (Chapter: index)
SunaNoFaraWell, then...either I wasn't paying attention, or it wasn't obvious enough.
lol, I just noticed, you misspelled "Clarinet" in the first chapter title.

rlkitten on January 12, 2008, 9:06:43 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: index)
rlkittenthose chapters suck -_- ah~ whatevaa lol, go to Hogwarts

SunaNoFara on January 12, 2008, 9:08:21 AM

SunaNoFara on (Chapter: index)
SunaNoFaraGah, I gotta leave any minute soon to baby-sit soon...

rlkitten on January 12, 2008, 9:11:15 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: index)
rlkittenS'okay, I'm gonna exit and set up Haley's Preschool game ^^ lol, fun fun fun!

rlkitten on January 11, 2008, 8:33:02 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: 16)
rlkittenYeah- I'm no writer /\_/\' never really have been

Kohakucrazy on January 10, 2008, 10:35:15 AM

Kohakucrazy on (Chapter: 11)
Kohakucrazy* Screams* HOW DARE YOU TURN NEJI ORANGE!!!!! * bonks Nikora on the head* He's apart of one of the repectable clans in the hidden leaf village. He doens't need to be walking around ORANGE!!!

rlkitten on January 10, 2008, 11:18:49 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: 11)
rlkittenLol, thanks for reading /\___/\ <3

blackfire2 on December 23, 2007, 10:38:28 PM

blackfire2 on (Chapter: 15)
blackfire2Interesting

rlkitten on January 9, 2008, 7:18:09 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: 15)
rlkittenThank you    ?

SunaNoFara on December 15, 2007, 1:59:06 PM

SunaNoFara on (Chapter: 14)
SunaNoFaraXD love it!!!! Can't wait for more!! ^^

rlkitten on December 17, 2007, 8:03:56 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: 14)
rlkittenlol, it's awesome- i know *bow* *bow*

SunaNoFara on December 17, 2007, 9:19:24 AM

SunaNoFara on (Chapter: 14)
SunaNoFara*jabs side w/ finger* now go read my stories! *points to link on profile*

rlkitten on December 17, 2007, 9:34:11 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: index)
rlkittenUghhh- fanfiction is blocked....i'll ask my mum....

rlkitten on November 30, 2007, 7:58:35 AM

rlkitten on (Chapter: 12)
rlkittenUgh- I don't like this chapter -_-

flyingeagle13 on November 29, 2007, 12:49:41 AM

flyingeagle13 on (Chapter: index)
flyingeagle13Very Nice, great work once again. ^_^ Can't wait for more.
Kuwaii!!!

rlkitten on November 29, 2007, 12:09:50 PM

rlkitten on (Chapter: index)
rlkittenThanks /\_/\ (gah- so happy that sum ppl are reading it!) <3