Naruto: Jinsei nanakorobi, ya'oki
Submitted August 24, 2007 Updated July 8, 2008 Status Complete | Your favorite pack of lovable, hard-headed ninjas in a new adventure!
Category:
Anime/Manga » Naruto series |
Chapters
Chapter 1 - A New Start, and the First Loss
Submitted: August 24, 2007 • Updated: August 24, 2007
Word count: 2469 • Size: 13k • Comments: 10 • views: 261
Chapter 2 - Shinri! (Truth!)
Submitted: August 26, 2007 • Updated: August 26, 2007
Word count: 4041 • Size: 22k • Comments: 7 • views: 271
Chapter 3 - Awatidashii Tsuushin
Submitted: August 27, 2007 • Updated: August 27, 2007
Word count: 3131 • Size: 16k • Comments: 1 • views: 261
Chapter 4 - Now It's Personal: Dragon Ember Jutsu!
Submitted: August 28, 2007 • Updated: August 28, 2007
Word count: 2660 • Size: 14k • Comments: 1 • views: 250
Chapter 5 - Za suriru ichi nao satsu
Submitted: August 29, 2007 • Updated: August 29, 2007
Word count: 3031 • Size: 16k • Comments: 1 • views: 190
Chapter 6 - Sweet Victory: Who's Coming Out on Top?
Submitted: August 30, 2007 • Updated: August 30, 2007
Word count: 2537 • Size: 14k • Comments: 2 • views: 194
Chapter 7 - Saying Goodbye
Submitted: August 31, 2007 • Updated: August 31, 2007
Word count: 3239 • Size: 17k • Comments: 2 • views: 181
Chapter 8 - Poll
Submitted: September 3, 2007 • Updated: September 3, 2007
Word count: 196 • Size: 1k • Comments: 2 • views: 150
Chapter 8 - Genjutsu: Night's only Friend!
Submitted: August 31, 2007 • Updated: August 31, 2007
Word count: 3166 • Size: 17k • Comments: 2 • views: 235
Chapter 9 - It's all About Loyalty
Submitted: September 4, 2007 • Updated: September 4, 2007
Word count: 4210 • Size: 22k • Comments: 4 • views: 197
Chapter 10 - A First Time for Everything...
Submitted: September 5, 2007 • Updated: September 5, 2007
Word count: 2904 • Size: 15k • Comments: 2 • views: 186
Chapter 11 - Sakura's Dreams
Submitted: September 6, 2007 • Updated: September 6, 2007
Word count: 2270 • Size: 12k • Comments: 1 • views: 192
Chapter 12 - Behind the Dreams (And the Fan char personality quiz!)
Submitted: September 7, 2007 • Updated: September 7, 2007
Word count: 3274 • Size: 17k • Comments: 3 • views: 203
Chapter 12 - Updated Char Bios
Submitted: September 9, 2007 • Updated: September 10, 2007
Word count: 1344 • Size: 7k • Comments: 3 • views: 184
Chapter 13 - The Blue Flame Chakra
Submitted: September 10, 2007 • Updated: September 10, 2007
Word count: 3842 • Size: 20k • Comments: 1 • views: 176
Chapter 14 - First Impressions
Submitted: September 11, 2007 • Updated: September 12, 2007
Word count: 2486 • Size: 13k • Comments: 2 • views: 187
Chapter 15 - Kabuto's Intentions
Submitted: September 12, 2007 • Updated: September 12, 2007
Word count: 3031 • Size: 16k • Comments: 2 • views: 192
Chapter 16 - Disturbed, Destroyed, and Dumbfounded
Submitted: September 14, 2007 • Updated: September 30, 2007
Word count: 2925 • Size: 16k • Comments: 2 • views: 852
Chapter 17 - A Nice Surprise
Submitted: September 16, 2007 • Updated: September 16, 2007
Word count: 2897 • Size: 15k • Comments: 0 • views: 161
Chapter 18 - All that Remains
Submitted: September 18, 2007 • Updated: September 18, 2007
Word count: 1605 • Size: 8k • Comments: 0 • views: 188
Chapter 19 - Return of the Transparent Hand Jutsu!
Submitted: September 20, 2007 • Updated: October 18, 2007
Word count: 2636 • Size: 14k • Comments: 0 • views: 205
Chapter 20 - Searching for a Purpose
Submitted: September 21, 2007 • Updated: September 21, 2007
Word count: 2800 • Size: 15k • Comments: 0 • views: 157
Chapter 21 - Death or Life: A Matter of Honor!
Submitted: September 22, 2007 • Updated: September 22, 2007
Word count: 2449 • Size: 13k • Comments: 0 • views: 204
Chapter 22 - A Lot to Consider: Chunin Exams on Deck!
Submitted: September 25, 2007 • Updated: September 25, 2007
Word count: 2300 • Size: 12k • Comments: 0 • views: 153
Chapter 23 - Kabuto on the Run
Submitted: September 27, 2007 • Updated: September 27, 2007
Word count: 2192 • Size: 11k • Comments: 0 • views: 165
Chapter 24 - Unstable Emotions
Submitted: September 30, 2007 • Updated: September 30, 2007
Word count: 1748 • Size: 9k • Comments: 0 • views: 147
Chapter 25 - The First Team: Chunin Exam Mayhem!
Submitted: October 3, 2007 • Updated: October 4, 2007
Word count: 2808 • Size: 15k • Comments: 0 • views: 181
Chapter 26 - The Old Way of Life
Submitted: October 3, 2007 • Updated: October 3, 2007
Word count: 3022 • Size: 16k • Comments: 0 • views: 181
Chapter 27 - The Surgery
Submitted: October 4, 2007 • Updated: October 4, 2007
Word count: 3032 • Size: 16k • Comments: 1 • views: 180
Chapter 28 - Ekyt meets Itachi
Submitted: October 7, 2007 • Updated: October 7, 2007
Word count: 2916 • Size: 15k • Comments: 1 • views: 188
Chapter 29 - A Big Surprise
Submitted: October 8, 2007 • Updated: October 8, 2007
Word count: 2377 • Size: 13k • Comments: 2 • views: 180
Chapter 30 - Chunin Exams Resume
Submitted: October 14, 2007 • Updated: October 14, 2007
Word count: 2035 • Size: 11k • Comments: 2 • views: 178
Chapter 31 - Kankuro's Mistake
Submitted: October 14, 2007 • Updated: October 14, 2007
Word count: 2106 • Size: 11k • Comments: 1 • views: 272
Chapter 32 - Sakura vs. Sasuke
Submitted: October 24, 2007 • Updated: October 24, 2007
Word count: 2680 • Size: 14k • Comments: 2 • views: 190
Chapter 33 - The Price You Pay
Submitted: October 28, 2007 • Updated: October 28, 2007
Word count: 1674 • Size: 9k • Comments: 1 • views: 241
Chapter 34 - Something Had to Give
Submitted: October 30, 2007 • Updated: October 30, 2007
Word count: 2125 • Size: 11k • Comments: 1 • views: 156
Chapter 35 - One Of Our Number Leaves
Submitted: October 31, 2007 • Updated: October 31, 2007
Word count: 2154 • Size: 11k • Comments: 2 • views: 186
Comments
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alchemest1 on September 19, 2007, 6:48:27 PM
Sweet chapter even with the traitor! I can't believe he actually betrayed Ekyt to join with that moron! Now I want to see what's next!Candycane9 on September 19, 2007, 3:19:15 PM
Wow that was awesome I LOVE IT I AM GOING TO FAVE THIS! *Faves it 3,000 times*Neopetgirl on September 17, 2007, 1:36:18 PM
Woa..it's like I was reading an episode from Naruto! With the awesome additions of your original characters! Now I know how Ekyt lost his eye..darn Gaara.. I hate him for that..I love how it's turning out though! Brilliant job.SharinganKakashi on September 14, 2007, 2:46:47 PM
awesome as usual ^_^Midnight_Chaos on September 13, 2007, 2:16:13 PM
Perfect start NextGaurdian!! You introduced the characters very well :D I'm looking forward to reading the rest!! Your characters sound very interesting...I feel sorry for Ekyt though, with that wounded eye. I wonder if it will ever heal? I'm intrigued to see where this is heading ^_^ There are just a couple of things you can fix up if you want, mainly the dialogue setup. I learned these things from other authors from fanfiction since I used to do these mistakes myself....but I'll pass the info onto you if you wanna use it. First, it's always good to have each character's dialogue on a seperate line. For example:
"I'm gonna be hokage! Believe it!" screamed Naruto, earning him a deathglare from Sasuke.
"Shut up Loser," Sasuke replied in a low mutter.
This way, it's easier to read, and ppl don't get confused as to who is speaking.
When writing dialogue too, if the sentence continues on after the person has stopped speaking, instead of using a fullstop at the end of their speech, use a comma. Luckily someone corrected me on this mistake at the start of my Jak and Daxter fic a while ago...here's a basic example.
Incorrect grammar: Sakura narrowed her eyes at Naruto, "You are such an idiot." She said.
Correct Grammar: Sakura narrowed her eyes at Naruto, "You are such an idiot," she said.
Notice how there is a comma at the end of her line instead of a fullstop? I hope I'm making sense...also, you may know this already, but there isn't a capital on the word "she". Seriously, I'm not good at explaining things like this lol. If you want me to explain further, I'll try ^_^ But yeah, that's really the only main problems.
It may also be a good idea to either have a larger space between scene changes (hitting "enter" again would probably do before each scene change/location change) or you can add in a line to split it. On fanfiction, I usually add in a line (not sure what it's called O.o;) whenever it changes from one group's POV to another. You can also just add in stuff like OOOOOoooooOOOOOO or something to show it's a different setting/scene. This isn't really that important, but I just got a little confused here and there when the setting suddenly changed. That might just be me though, since I get confused over anything these days *lowers head in shame*
Just one more thing, which again isn't very important. Besides, this just might be your style of writing :) Expanding on a character's actions and how they say things is a good way to explore characters in depth. The more you explain what a character is doing and saying, and how they're acting, the more your readers can connect with that character. Eg:
"I'm hungry Iruka-Sensei!" Naruto said.
Adding in a few descriptive words here and there will help us to visualise Naruto's hungry, hungry state...mmmmmm.....food.....*horrified gasp* I haven't eaten yet!!! They'll be some serious fridge raiding after this....but back to this, here is the same line but with a little more words added.
"I'm hungry Iruka-Sensei!" Naruto said loudly, tugging on Iruka's sleeve while giving his teacher a pouting look. Long story short, explaining a character's actions/thoughts/feelings/dialogue in more depth will help us to understand them better. You've done a good job on Ekyt though, explaining his thoughts and such. I just think the other characters need a little bit more too. But again, this isn't that important. It's just something you could look into to help us connect with the cast a little more.
I think that's all of it...overall it's an awesome start, and I'm really looking forward to reading the rest. If you need me to explain anything again, feel free to ask. Other than that, good luck NextGuardian!! I really hope this story goes well for you :D Keep up the great work!!
SharinganKakashi on September 13, 2007, 10:24:08 AM
lol naruto got lee ^_^SharinganKakashi on September 12, 2007, 12:22:20 PM
sweet :3SharinganKakashi on September 8, 2007, 4:22:06 PM
storeys getting even better ^_^ lol hmmm i got 3,1,1,4,4,1,3,3,1,2,4 so im suppose to ask NG which charcter i am :3SharinganKakashi on September 8, 2007, 3:51:31 PM
awesome ^_^alchemest1 on September 6, 2007, 2:15:42 PM
Wow. Great chapter. I LOVE IT!