Naruto: Jinsei nanakorobi, ya'oki
Submitted August 24, 2007 Updated July 8, 2008 Status Complete | Your favorite pack of lovable, hard-headed ninjas in a new adventure!
Category:
Anime/Manga » Naruto series |
Chapters
Chapter 1 - A New Start, and the First Loss
Submitted: August 24, 2007 • Updated: August 24, 2007
Word count: 2469 • Size: 13k • Comments: 10 • views: 260
Chapter 2 - Shinri! (Truth!)
Submitted: August 26, 2007 • Updated: August 26, 2007
Word count: 4041 • Size: 22k • Comments: 7 • views: 271
Chapter 3 - Awatidashii Tsuushin
Submitted: August 27, 2007 • Updated: August 27, 2007
Word count: 3131 • Size: 16k • Comments: 1 • views: 260
Chapter 4 - Now It's Personal: Dragon Ember Jutsu!
Submitted: August 28, 2007 • Updated: August 28, 2007
Word count: 2660 • Size: 14k • Comments: 1 • views: 250
Chapter 5 - Za suriru ichi nao satsu
Submitted: August 29, 2007 • Updated: August 29, 2007
Word count: 3031 • Size: 16k • Comments: 1 • views: 190
Chapter 6 - Sweet Victory: Who's Coming Out on Top?
Submitted: August 30, 2007 • Updated: August 30, 2007
Word count: 2537 • Size: 14k • Comments: 2 • views: 194
Chapter 7 - Saying Goodbye
Submitted: August 31, 2007 • Updated: August 31, 2007
Word count: 3239 • Size: 17k • Comments: 2 • views: 181
Chapter 8 - Poll
Submitted: September 3, 2007 • Updated: September 3, 2007
Word count: 196 • Size: 1k • Comments: 2 • views: 149
Chapter 8 - Genjutsu: Night's only Friend!
Submitted: August 31, 2007 • Updated: August 31, 2007
Word count: 3166 • Size: 17k • Comments: 2 • views: 235
Chapter 9 - It's all About Loyalty
Submitted: September 4, 2007 • Updated: September 4, 2007
Word count: 4210 • Size: 22k • Comments: 4 • views: 197
Chapter 10 - A First Time for Everything...
Submitted: September 5, 2007 • Updated: September 5, 2007
Word count: 2904 • Size: 15k • Comments: 2 • views: 185
Chapter 11 - Sakura's Dreams
Submitted: September 6, 2007 • Updated: September 6, 2007
Word count: 2270 • Size: 12k • Comments: 1 • views: 190
Chapter 12 - Behind the Dreams (And the Fan char personality quiz!)
Submitted: September 7, 2007 • Updated: September 7, 2007
Word count: 3274 • Size: 17k • Comments: 3 • views: 203
Chapter 12 - Updated Char Bios
Submitted: September 9, 2007 • Updated: September 10, 2007
Word count: 1344 • Size: 7k • Comments: 3 • views: 184
Chapter 13 - The Blue Flame Chakra
Submitted: September 10, 2007 • Updated: September 10, 2007
Word count: 3842 • Size: 20k • Comments: 1 • views: 175
Chapter 14 - First Impressions
Submitted: September 11, 2007 • Updated: September 12, 2007
Word count: 2486 • Size: 13k • Comments: 2 • views: 187
Chapter 15 - Kabuto's Intentions
Submitted: September 12, 2007 • Updated: September 12, 2007
Word count: 3031 • Size: 16k • Comments: 2 • views: 192
Chapter 16 - Disturbed, Destroyed, and Dumbfounded
Submitted: September 14, 2007 • Updated: September 30, 2007
Word count: 2925 • Size: 16k • Comments: 2 • views: 852
Chapter 17 - A Nice Surprise
Submitted: September 16, 2007 • Updated: September 16, 2007
Word count: 2897 • Size: 15k • Comments: 0 • views: 160
Chapter 18 - All that Remains
Submitted: September 18, 2007 • Updated: September 18, 2007
Word count: 1605 • Size: 8k • Comments: 0 • views: 188
Chapter 19 - Return of the Transparent Hand Jutsu!
Submitted: September 20, 2007 • Updated: October 18, 2007
Word count: 2636 • Size: 14k • Comments: 0 • views: 205
Chapter 20 - Searching for a Purpose
Submitted: September 21, 2007 • Updated: September 21, 2007
Word count: 2800 • Size: 15k • Comments: 0 • views: 156
Chapter 21 - Death or Life: A Matter of Honor!
Submitted: September 22, 2007 • Updated: September 22, 2007
Word count: 2449 • Size: 13k • Comments: 0 • views: 204
Chapter 22 - A Lot to Consider: Chunin Exams on Deck!
Submitted: September 25, 2007 • Updated: September 25, 2007
Word count: 2300 • Size: 12k • Comments: 0 • views: 152
Chapter 23 - Kabuto on the Run
Submitted: September 27, 2007 • Updated: September 27, 2007
Word count: 2192 • Size: 11k • Comments: 0 • views: 165
Chapter 24 - Unstable Emotions
Submitted: September 30, 2007 • Updated: September 30, 2007
Word count: 1748 • Size: 9k • Comments: 0 • views: 145
Chapter 25 - The First Team: Chunin Exam Mayhem!
Submitted: October 3, 2007 • Updated: October 4, 2007
Word count: 2808 • Size: 15k • Comments: 0 • views: 180
Chapter 26 - The Old Way of Life
Submitted: October 3, 2007 • Updated: October 3, 2007
Word count: 3022 • Size: 16k • Comments: 0 • views: 181
Chapter 27 - The Surgery
Submitted: October 4, 2007 • Updated: October 4, 2007
Word count: 3032 • Size: 16k • Comments: 1 • views: 180
Chapter 28 - Ekyt meets Itachi
Submitted: October 7, 2007 • Updated: October 7, 2007
Word count: 2916 • Size: 15k • Comments: 1 • views: 188
Chapter 29 - A Big Surprise
Submitted: October 8, 2007 • Updated: October 8, 2007
Word count: 2377 • Size: 13k • Comments: 2 • views: 180
Chapter 30 - Chunin Exams Resume
Submitted: October 14, 2007 • Updated: October 14, 2007
Word count: 2035 • Size: 11k • Comments: 2 • views: 177
Chapter 31 - Kankuro's Mistake
Submitted: October 14, 2007 • Updated: October 14, 2007
Word count: 2106 • Size: 11k • Comments: 1 • views: 271
Chapter 32 - Sakura vs. Sasuke
Submitted: October 24, 2007 • Updated: October 24, 2007
Word count: 2680 • Size: 14k • Comments: 2 • views: 190
Chapter 33 - The Price You Pay
Submitted: October 28, 2007 • Updated: October 28, 2007
Word count: 1674 • Size: 9k • Comments: 1 • views: 240
Chapter 34 - Something Had to Give
Submitted: October 30, 2007 • Updated: October 30, 2007
Word count: 2125 • Size: 11k • Comments: 1 • views: 156
Chapter 35 - One Of Our Number Leaves
Submitted: October 31, 2007 • Updated: October 31, 2007
Word count: 2154 • Size: 11k • Comments: 2 • views: 186
Comments
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hflp on August 21, 2008, 4:59:58 AM
I would really like to see this story finished.CloverGrl on August 11, 2008, 8:58:51 AM
How can someone not have feelings for a guy who was willing to lay down his life for her!? Grr...I don't like Linda. Ekyt seems like a really nice guy though. And lol at Ino's flirtation failure!CloverGrl on August 11, 2008, 8:43:09 AM
Great intro! I really like the way you've portrayed the new characters, nice work!Shipo on July 23, 2008, 4:13:43 AM
wow...thats amazing......*favs*kogalover2013 on December 8, 2007, 1:54:16 PM
awsome dudekogalover2013 on December 8, 2007, 12:14:15 PM
awsome storySharinganKakashi on November 15, 2007, 1:38:37 AM
sweetalchemest1 on October 31, 2007, 1:16:36 PM
Unexpected but great! I love it. Nicely done. He finally got at least a temporary team! Wow. Great chapter!alchemest1 on October 30, 2007, 5:04:45 PM
Nice! That match was priceless mate. Perfectly fitting that pompous asses style. The part with Temari was great! Just as you described it! I'm liked the way you split the Hokage's mind. That was brilliant having him agree with Ekyt but side with closet pervert. I ALSO like how Hayate chose a side. So unlike him but so proper at the same time! I can't wait for the next chapter! Oh and thanks for letting me proctor the match. Lol. Nice work working in the wolf too!alchemest1 on October 28, 2007, 4:26:26 PM
Nice. Lol. I'm threatening to bite even here. Lol. I love this chapter. I can both staring daggers at one another then the closet perv running to the Lord Hokage to tattel. Lol. This is getting ever better. I can't wait for the match.alchemest1 on October 24, 2007, 3:01:24 PM
Nice mate perfect match between them. You wanted epic. Well mate in my book it is that's for sure!alchemest1 on October 18, 2007, 12:17:52 PM
Nice. HIS First A rank mission. Ah.. the memories. LOL. Great job mate!alchemest1 on October 15, 2007, 8:09:45 PM
Wow. Packed chapter! It was great. And what the hell. They let Ekyt go? Wow. Unexpected! I love it.Zander_CAGE on October 15, 2007, 11:28:19 AM
mike said i was supost to be Hyoujon. i like him. but he dont seem to much like me. i wouldnt change a thing if i were u.alchemest1 on October 14, 2007, 7:14:06 PM
Dude I love mate! You are getting better with each chapter. This rocks. This mission is going to be interesting. Lol.alchemest1 on October 14, 2007, 6:52:41 PM
WOW! That fight was epic mate! Brilliant I tell you! Brilliant! As for the strange chakra. WOW! That was an amazing new Jutsu he used with it. Superb chapter. One of my new favorite! More mate! MORE!alchemest1 on October 14, 2007, 6:23:38 PM
Sweet bios! I learned alot!alchemest1 on October 14, 2007, 6:11:26 PM
Great chapter! I like the way you tied Sasuka and Sakura together. That was genius! And what does Sakura think of Ekyt as? As for the quiz I got our favorite milk drinking hero. Lol. Although some of those questions seemed to be written for me. Lol. Scary. Lol.alchemest1 on October 14, 2007, 4:27:13 PM
Nice. Lol. I really like this Ryu guy. Lol. He sounds pretty cool. And yeah. My team does sound like a bunch of knuckleheads. Lol. You have him as a former student of Lord Hokage! That.ph cool! Sweet chapter I love it!alchemest1 on October 14, 2007, 3:57:42 PM
Totally sweet chapter. I see our conversation bleeding through! It's petty cool. Lol. Great job. Really intrancing work!Midnight_Chaos on October 10, 2007, 2:49:56 PM
I thought I'd leave a comment on the chapter I'm up too. Looking great so far Nextguardian!! I love the battle scenes you write. I can just picture it all happening clearly in my head. Good work!! You're keeping all the cannon characters in character too which is awesome :D I feel sorry for Ekyt though...his team's falling apart ;.; Hope he pulls out on top though!! Anyhow, fantastic work!! I shall comment again later when I've read some more ^_^SharinganKakashi on October 10, 2007, 11:41:11 AM
great job as usual ~_^ lolalchemest1 on October 9, 2007, 8:13:38 PM
Wow. Creepy dreams. And I also recognized a phrase of mine. Lol. Anyway. Great chapter! Love it!alchemest1 on October 9, 2007, 7:50:20 PM
Great chapter. This story is getting really good. Every chapter makes it better. I LOVE IT!alchemest1 on October 9, 2007, 7:27:48 PM
Nice chapter! I see hints and pieces of our conversations and even a bit of your training in there. I like it! This is going to get really interesting really fast! Keep it going!SharinganKakashi on October 8, 2007, 12:45:48 PM
lol cant wait 4er the next chapterSharinganKakashi on October 6, 2007, 3:03:53 PM
sweet finnaly im caught up lolSharinganKakashi on October 4, 2007, 1:50:07 AM
this is more to remind me lol im at chap 22alchemest1 on September 25, 2007, 8:15:56 PM
Nice taijutsu in this chapter! It makes me reminis. Lol. Well sort of. Anyway. Sweet chapter. The girls fighting one another really threw me. It was a great plot part. Great job. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAP!Nekogal411 on September 25, 2007, 9:51:48 AM
^^ Sweet!SharinganKakashi on September 24, 2007, 12:54:22 PM
alright im caught up agian way to go cant wait for the next one lolNekogal411 on September 22, 2007, 12:55:55 PM
*still reading it* This...is....SO...FREAKIN AWESOME! ^^Neopetgirl on September 21, 2007, 4:17:25 PM
Whoo! Looks like Naruto has his eyes on Linda *giggles*This chapter was quite interesting! Ino is after Chakaro..*laughs* Now that's quite funny. I think the dialouge is fitting for most of the characters! Defintely in character which I simply adore about your fic.
And your ocs they're awesome additions. And you surely know how show each of these scenes in a descriptive outlook for the reader! Which I love,I just think you should describe a little more about how a certain character talks and how they sound or feel while they're doing so.
Maybe it's just me though,I'm not exactly best at advice.
Isn't many flaws with grammar and such that i've caught so far. I really like the plot and story as well so I defintely look forward to reading more when I can! :)
alchemest1 on September 19, 2007, 8:39:44 PM
Wow! Sweet battle! A great mix of jutsu's. Now I'm kinda sad that the team is breaking up but I have to say I saw it coming. Anyway. At least there wasn't any Seiza in this chapter. Lolalchemest1 on September 19, 2007, 7:56:34 PM
(groans at the thought) The Seiza!!! Don't remind me of that position from Hell! Lol. To many hours of kneeling like that (if you can call that kneeling) Why does that have to be their favorite position in ninjit su? Lol. Anyway. Great chapter. The fight was awesome! He is getting really good and I can't wait to see the next fight! I hope there is alot of Taijutsu in the next fight but I doubt it. I can relate to those matches! This is cool I love the story line it's like an on going episode. I'M DEF IMPRESSED!alchemest1 on September 19, 2007, 7:11:41 PM
Sweet chapter. Complicated but forward. Great job. Wow Ekyt is learning fast! His taijutsu is as good as mine. Lol. Now if only the others were real for meet to learn as fast as him. Lol. Wow. He is going to be unstopable bedford long!alchemest1 on September 19, 2007, 6:48:27 PM
Sweet chapter even with the traitor! I can't believe he actually betrayed Ekyt to join with that moron! Now I want to see what's next!Candycane9 on September 19, 2007, 3:19:15 PM
Wow that was awesome I LOVE IT I AM GOING TO FAVE THIS! *Faves it 3,000 times*Neopetgirl on September 17, 2007, 1:36:18 PM
Woa..it's like I was reading an episode from Naruto! With the awesome additions of your original characters! Now I know how Ekyt lost his eye..darn Gaara.. I hate him for that..I love how it's turning out though! Brilliant job.SharinganKakashi on September 14, 2007, 2:46:47 PM
awesome as usual ^_^Midnight_Chaos on September 13, 2007, 2:16:13 PM
Perfect start NextGaurdian!! You introduced the characters very well :D I'm looking forward to reading the rest!! Your characters sound very interesting...I feel sorry for Ekyt though, with that wounded eye. I wonder if it will ever heal? I'm intrigued to see where this is heading ^_^ There are just a couple of things you can fix up if you want, mainly the dialogue setup. I learned these things from other authors from fanfiction since I used to do these mistakes myself....but I'll pass the info onto you if you wanna use it. First, it's always good to have each character's dialogue on a seperate line. For example:
"I'm gonna be hokage! Believe it!" screamed Naruto, earning him a deathglare from Sasuke.
"Shut up Loser," Sasuke replied in a low mutter.
This way, it's easier to read, and ppl don't get confused as to who is speaking.
When writing dialogue too, if the sentence continues on after the person has stopped speaking, instead of using a fullstop at the end of their speech, use a comma. Luckily someone corrected me on this mistake at the start of my Jak and Daxter fic a while ago...here's a basic example.
Incorrect grammar: Sakura narrowed her eyes at Naruto, "You are such an idiot." She said.
Correct Grammar: Sakura narrowed her eyes at Naruto, "You are such an idiot," she said.
Notice how there is a comma at the end of her line instead of a fullstop? I hope I'm making sense...also, you may know this already, but there isn't a capital on the word "she". Seriously, I'm not good at explaining things like this lol. If you want me to explain further, I'll try ^_^ But yeah, that's really the only main problems.
It may also be a good idea to either have a larger space between scene changes (hitting "enter" again would probably do before each scene change/location change) or you can add in a line to split it. On fanfiction, I usually add in a line (not sure what it's called O.o;) whenever it changes from one group's POV to another. You can also just add in stuff like OOOOOoooooOOOOOO or something to show it's a different setting/scene. This isn't really that important, but I just got a little confused here and there when the setting suddenly changed. That might just be me though, since I get confused over anything these days *lowers head in shame*
Just one more thing, which again isn't very important. Besides, this just might be your style of writing :) Expanding on a character's actions and how they say things is a good way to explore characters in depth. The more you explain what a character is doing and saying, and how they're acting, the more your readers can connect with that character. Eg:
"I'm hungry Iruka-Sensei!" Naruto said.
Adding in a few descriptive words here and there will help us to visualise Naruto's hungry, hungry state...mmmmmm.....food.....*horrified gasp* I haven't eaten yet!!! They'll be some serious fridge raiding after this....but back to this, here is the same line but with a little more words added.
"I'm hungry Iruka-Sensei!" Naruto said loudly, tugging on Iruka's sleeve while giving his teacher a pouting look. Long story short, explaining a character's actions/thoughts/feelings/dialogue in more depth will help us to understand them better. You've done a good job on Ekyt though, explaining his thoughts and such. I just think the other characters need a little bit more too. But again, this isn't that important. It's just something you could look into to help us connect with the cast a little more.
I think that's all of it...overall it's an awesome start, and I'm really looking forward to reading the rest. If you need me to explain anything again, feel free to ask. Other than that, good luck NextGuardian!! I really hope this story goes well for you :D Keep up the great work!!
SharinganKakashi on September 13, 2007, 10:24:08 AM
lol naruto got lee ^_^SharinganKakashi on September 12, 2007, 12:22:20 PM
sweet :3SharinganKakashi on September 8, 2007, 4:22:06 PM
storeys getting even better ^_^ lol hmmm i got 3,1,1,4,4,1,3,3,1,2,4 so im suppose to ask NG which charcter i am :3SharinganKakashi on September 8, 2007, 3:51:31 PM
awesome ^_^alchemest1 on September 6, 2007, 2:15:42 PM
Wow. Great chapter. I LOVE IT!alchemest1 on September 4, 2007, 1:56:55 PM
Okay. Here we go! Eich: i would def have yo go with my main man Ekyt. We've been through alot together. Lol. Nie: Ooo! A spoiler for me! Haven't read it yet but prob. C. I think it will be cool to see them fight eachother. Saun: In no particular order it would have to be Naruto, Kakashie and my boy Ekyt. She: No particular order. I like Kayla, Saukra and. . . Hmmm. . . .for some reason I say Ino. Lol. Go: You def. Have to try an Ekyt and Saukra pairing. It would be amusing to read. And the answer to the big Rocue: Well duh!!! Of course I want you to continue writing this story! It's like a really long episode. It's a fan's dream! You write it so well. It should be in the show!!!SharinganKakashi on September 4, 2007, 10:28:21 AM
an 1. ekytan 2. good new rival
an 3.kakashi,shikamaru,lee
an 4.Hinta
an 5.sakura
an 6.YES!!!!!!!!!!
whats up with this?
SharinganKakashi on August 31, 2007, 4:00:53 PM
awesome storeyrffraff05 on August 31, 2007, 4:54:42 AM
nice story bro, if you gert online i have an announcementalchemest1 on August 27, 2007, 3:31:11 PM
Wow! This is just like reading an episode of the show! I love it. Keep them coming!ShyWanderer043 on August 27, 2007, 2:37:12 AM
Great job again! About the Forward Lotus, if it's the one where he was gonna wrap his bandages around Ekyt that would be the Primary Lotus and the other lotus where he unlocks 5 of the 7 inner gates is called the Hidden Lotus which he only uses in a situation to protect his nindo or ninja wayShadowthe_hedgehog on August 27, 2007, 11:48:43 AM
Awesome ^^ I love how this capter turned out ^^ShyWanderer043 on August 26, 2007, 11:14:05 AM
GREAT GREAT GREAT! I absolutly love Naruto and you did a great job!Shadowthe_hedgehog on August 24, 2007, 5:01:07 PM
AWESOME! ^^ I love how this turned out, I actually felt like I was reading a written version of the show! It's amazing ^-^alchemest1 on August 24, 2007, 2:39:02 PM
AWESOME! THIS IS REALLY GOOD! You decided to keep your characters. I'm glad. They are all real good ones. Anyway. Great job on the chapter. I Can't wait to see how this story turns out!